newborn and toddler bathtime and bedtime - how??

[tholeon]

DS is 2.8 and therefore entirely unreasonable most of the time, and DD is 6 weeks so tiny and hungry a lot. How on earth do I manage bedtimes without major stress? DH is always in the bloody office works hard so I'm usually by myself. Shouted at DS yesterday because he was making a fuss about the order we were putting his pjs on and DD was crying to be picked up/ fed (she is breast fed so wants pretty constant evening feeding around now..) which I never did before she came along. Poor little thing looked so shocked but we were all so tired and grumpy and I needed to get him to bed.

Any magic tips? Have wondered about a bottle of formula for DD at bedtime but seems unfair to her - but then so is the crying. Or even seeing if can find a mothers help type person to come in for a couple of hours at bedtime - but not sure how hard that would be/ means stranger in the house which am not keen on / and would I be past the hardest bit once we get something sorted anyway??

Am potty training at the moment to add to the joy, DS actually quite good at it and stupidly perhaps agreed to lots of sweets for successes which are now really mounting up and doing appalling things to his teeth.

Ok, as long as you brush his teeth properly forget about worrying about the sweets.

My ds was slightly older but what I used to do was bath them during the day quite often - so I bathed ds whilst dd slept and then did dd when he was watching telly.

We also did a LOT of praise for putting own pjs on, had races etc to see who could get into them first.

At bedtime ds needed me to sit with him until he fell asleep - I didn't mind but he understood any faffing and I left. I used to feed dd whilst sitting in his room. She wasn't a screamer though.

Good luck - everyone finds this hard. I'm not sure the bottle of formula would work tbh.

He is a child, you are in charge. I had a baby and a 21 month old. Bath them together, get baby out and let her have some kicking time on the floor while you attend to sir. Could you breastfeed her while reading a book with Ds, I used to lie on the bed.
Cut down on the sweets.
The baby would be fine for 10 mins lying in the cot surely.

I agree with leftmymistletoe, Or if you really feel that he needs to bath before bed to wind down, you can sit and feed dd while he is in the bath. Then quickly help him get out/dressed and into bed, then if she is wailing, take her with you to feed while you read him a story or whatever.

Also things do have to give a bit.

I have 5 dc and had to do most evenings on my own when they were tiny, and if I am honest mine often came down for a story,fell asleep on the sofa then got carried to bed later.

You have to do what you have to do to get through.

Would add that i have never been majorly strict about bedtimes, as if I was dh would never have seen them.

I do realise that that's not everyone's cup of tea, but at least they slept when they went up, so no up and down the stairs 40 times like some friends of mine, and not up at the crack of dawn either

I feel your pain. Mine are 21mo apart to the day and it was hard to get though bedtimes without feeling guilt for one or the other...

I bathed them together. Then while DS1 was watching Night Garden I fed DS2. Regardless of whether or not DS2 were asleep when it was over I put him down, brushed teeth and put DS1 to bed. We had story time and a cuddle alone, just DS1 and I as I felt he needed this time just me and him. Sometimes DS2 would sleep. Sometimes he'd scream but I'd shut the door of the living room so there was at least a bit of quiet. The story/cuddle thing took 15mins max and I'd run to the living room as soon as DS1 was settled enough and fetch DS2. If DS1 were being tricky about getting into bed I'd return with DS2 and feed him while sitting with DS1 while he went to sleep.

I was told by my 'D' friend at the time I was 'making a rod for my own back' or something but that was bollocks as a.) it was survival and b.) they're 3 and 5 and bedtimes are straightforward, easy and rather pleasurable now.

It will pass. Do whatever it takes to get through.

Have you got a sling? You might be able to feed dd in it whilst sorting out your ds.

I've got a bigger age gap then you but also found that using the tv to keep ds occupied whilst bathing dd helped. Reading to ds whilst feeding was a bit tricky as I didn't seem to have enough hands but ds liked holding the book and his 'job' was to turn the pages! It made him feel like a big boy so he didn't feel pushed out, iyswim.

thank you. DS also watching way too much tv at the moment but to be fair they have both had chickenpox and a D & V virus since she was born, and we are now potty training... Not the best time in some ways but he asked to so couldn't hold him back, also due to start pre school next term and they like them out of nappies there. I do feed while reading stories etc but it is when I have to help him get dressed etc, just hate listening to her cry, I guess everyone does with little babies..

valium

Mine have the same gap as yours. Similar to miss Betsy I did one at a time to ensure that one on one time at bed. I would bath them together then dress baby, put her in cot and leave her for the fifteen to twenty minutes it took to put dd1s jamas on and read a story. I would then leave dd1s bedroom get dd2 (who did often scream the entire time :( ) and take her to my bed for the hour long feedathon.

Once the feeds got shorter (and they will) I let dd1 watch ceebeebies for the 30 mins it takes me to put dd2 down, then do the same with dd1. Sometimes dd2 doesnt go straight to sleep, but that's unfortunatly tough. She has to wait. Sometimes dd1 is exhausted from nursery and I put her to bed first because she won't wait while I do dd2.

It gets easier. Things will fall into some rough routine whether by choice or accident, as with 2 dc you're forced to organise life that much more. X

omg op poor you with your newborn having chicken pox and d&v that can not have been an easy transition into having 2 dc!

but as for bedtime can you not just hold your dd while trying to do your ds bedtime 1 handed, just put down for 1 min if you have to quickly do something like put ds pjs on. if she needs a feed do it sat in the bathroom while ds in the bath? if ds takes ages with the pjs maybe use a sticker chart for him or something, to reward him for doing quickly then you can have the pjs on within 30 seconds and dd wont have to cry for long.
when my 2nd & 3rd were newborns that age sometimes used to put them to sleep in bouncy chair for the others bedtime so i had less to deal with at once, might that work?
i also use tv for bedtime, keeps toddlers busy watching abney & teal while i bath the baby, if theres any calming show he likes i dont see the harm. although with newborn best to get the toddler in bed & do the babies bath after in peace i think

i think bottle of formula will not really make life easier, they still take ages to drink it at that age & its easier to bf one handed than ff one handed, and you would have the extra work of making & cleaning the bottles?

I have a 22 month gap- harder in some ways, easier in others- I left potty training DD1 until DD2 was 1 year old, and TBH having to mange bedtimes was the making of me as a 'mother who had a routine.'

The way it worked with me was that DD2 picked up a morning nap very quickly as it was when I was busiest when DD1 and slower to pick her up. So she settled in her cot pretty early in a way that PFB DD1 never did. In the evenings I'd bathe DD1 and feed DD1, sat in the bathroom and chatting in to her (I didn't religiously bathe them everyday btw, and often have morning baths).

Then change and put down DD2 settling her while DD1 chose a book, sorted out toys or watched a video (pre CBBC) then read to DD1 before she went to bed.

I wouldn't advise a bottle, if you can manage to maintain BF it can be a great boon- DD1 and I would often chat while I fed DD2 and she'd get me glasses of water and have my undivided attention.

Thanks, was lucky dd barely affected by the d and v or pox, think she had some of my immunity, but was scary and meant couldn't leave the house. She is cooing happily at the mo and he is singing to nursery rhymes, happy moments taking turns with stress! Dh gets the short shrift, am always grumpy when he gets back late, just want him around more..

Is there anyway you can get DH home in time to help out with bedtime? I have 19mo DS1 and 6w old DS2 and I couldn't do it without DH as baby is usually awake between 5pm and 8pm and also bf so likes a few feeds too! If I'm not feeding we put baby in bouncy chair in the bathroom or he has a bath himself with one of us and DS1, I then get DS2 dry and dressed and take him down for a feed and DH sorts out DS1 and does his milk etc.

It won't be forever as baby will get stronger and less demanding, DS2 likes to be held a lot too but he is becoming a lot more tolerant of being in his chair wherever the noise is, as he has become more alert. He hates being on his own!

Hope things get easier for you

Hi - lots of empathy as that tiem fo the day is so hard when everyone is at their most tired. I have a 15 month gap, DDs are now just turned 2 and 9 months respectively. From about 6 weeks I bathed them together, took DD2 out first and dressed her while DD1 still played in bath, then took DD1 out while DD2 lay kicking on bathroom floor. Then all into DD2s bedroom and I fed her while DD1 drank her milk and sat looking at books. Then put DD2 into cot and went to DD1s room to read to her and settle her. After that went back to get DD2 (who wa soften screaming!) and feed her again/bring her down into the bouncer.
By 10 weeks DD2 miraculosuly started to settle alone without crying at bedtime which made everything easier - after she was read (and now at 9 montsh has had stories) she goes into her cot and falls asleep when I leave and tend to DD1's stories etc.
It does get easier when the newborn startes to speed up with feeding and settling at bedtime and for me it virtually happened overnight around 10 weeks.

dd2 cluster-fed from 6pm, which was actually a bit of a blessing. I latched her on, and learnt how to do everything else one-handed, with the exception of about 15 seconds to get dd1 out of the bath, and later on to pop a nappy on her. at 2.8 he can give you a bit of assistance with dressing, turning pages of a storybook etc. we also kept a powered baby swing thing in the bathroom, mainly for when I was showering, but sometimes dd2 would deign to go in it when dd1 was in the bath.