Pregnant and at Uni

[AMZebra45]

Hello everyone,

I've been reading through some threads and you all seem very helpful so hopefully you'll be able to pass on some advice to me!!

I am currently in my second year of uni and have just found out I am pregnant. I have no idea how many weeks (although it could be up to 10) and I literally have NO idea what to do!! I haven't been with my boyfriend very long but he has been wonderfully supportive and talked through all the options with me. He thinks it's sensible to have an abortion as we both have a year and a half left and he doesn't want me to go home and have to look after the baby by myself (the uni is in a different county to where I live). But he has has said that it is my decision and he will support me no matter what I choose.

There is also the issue of money- neither of us have any! I have tried looking for jobs and also tried looking through the directgov website but I cannot find any advice or help. All I seemed to work out is that because I haven't had a job for two years, I'm not entitled to any benefits (even though without them I wouldn't be able to live, let alone my baby).

I know that the best option is to not keep the baby, and everything is telling me not to keep it and be sensible, but something inside me is telling me not to have an abortion. I really really don't know what to do; I feel like I am taking away our youth if I keep the baby which we will never get back, but also I don't want to have an abortion and feel I'd be able to cope. My parents would not be happy if I told them I was having a baby so I don't feel as if I can talk to them either.

Please help!!
Thank you :)

If something is telling you not to have an abortion then I can't see how that is the right answer.
Uni courses and children together are hard work but it is doable.

Do what you think is best and don't feel pressured into something you don't want to do.

It is possible to continue your course with a baby, or to transfer to a more convenient uni next year, or take a year out and then go back to finish.

You would be entitled to benefits, just not jobseekers allowance. You would get income support for yourself and then child benefit and child tax credit once you have the baby. You'd also get housing benefit and council tax benefit. Is there a counselling service at uni?

It may be helpful to talk to someone neutral.

Thank you for both your replies. I am continuing to discuss it with my boyfriend but we still don't seem to be coming to any conclusions! I suppose it's not exactly an easy thing to decide.

I've now visited 5 places that could help us, that have sent us on to the next place. In my opinion that isn't good enough! Not only were they not helpful in what they told us (basically just said it was my own decision), didn't tell us the options available or the help we would get, I am now booked in for "termination counselling" in 2 weeks time.
Is it just me that thinks this is rather unacceptable?! In 2 weeks I could be up to 13 weeks pregnant, yet they don't seem to care about the fact it will be harder the longer it is left! Also if I decide to keep the baby (as I have told them I am unsure of what to do) I have now missed out on valuable antenatal care and I don't know if this is going to harm the baby?!

I am actually clueless as to what to do now, as I have exhausted all available "help" in the area. Any ideas as to who can give me some guidelines?! It's small things like I don't know what to eat or not eat, do or not do, things like that which might not seem important but could largely affect the baby.

Thanks x

When I experienced this I found 2 options - option A was to accept a minimal amount of financial help from uni and go without any government support, this would include uni keeping your place open so you can take a year out (although you may be able to go back in September but it's very hard)

Option B is go for government support and leave uni - this is what I did although I had been working on a supply contract until I got pregnant so I got maternity allowance - but I wouldn't have if I was still declaring myself as a student iykwim? BUT after a full year out I went back to uni full time and am now 6 weeks away from graduating with a part time job and a 2.5 year old DS - I love it but its seriously difficult - I'm just hoping it pays off!

Good luck whichever way you go, uni will support you either way- its your choice and you are not alone

2 weeks is a short wait for counselling. I know this is difficult when a pregnancy moves so fast but they are charities and they do tend to have waiting lists. By 13 weeks you won't have missed anything except a dating scan, which they would have to do if you decide to terminate anyway.

You should take folic acid because it will reduce the risk of birth defects and won't have any effect on you personally if you decide not to go ahead. Aside from that there's not much you should avoid apart from drinking and smoking. If you go to a theme park or a spa or whatever there will be signs telling you to avoid the relevant things if you think you could be pregnant.

There must be some kind of student advice centre or support centre on campus, look them up, you won't be the first student to ever be in this situation and they should have tailored advice to the uni that you are at.

I am pregnant and in my 3rd year of six at university. I know it's going to be hard but my plan is to take the next year off uni (I am due in October) and hopefully go back the next September. Me and my boyfriend are very happy and just know that whatever happens we will somehow manage with help from friends and family. Good luck with whatever path you choose! Also yes, talk to a tutor at university- they can be extremely helpful and kind!

Hi,

Your situation is pretty much the same as mine was. I found out I was pregnant at 8 weeks ish. In my second year. Had been with fiance though for 5.5 years. I was shocked at first and even rang up about abortion. I am an A grade student so realistic and the thought of having a baby was astronomical. Our son was born last October and I don't want you to necessarily listen to my experience but I adore him, he is my world. And in a way that has become a problem in itself, but I wouldn't change him for anything at all no matter what. I have to go back to university after my year out and I have been so stressed since he was 2 weeks old. I hate hate hate it. I want to be with him and resent university for having to go back. See my post if you want I've just written one. Good luck and follow your heart/gut, not your head. I didn't want to live with the knowledge that I would have had a baby in October and it come around every year and thing about what I would have had. I let nature decide, it gave me my son after all x

Also university Student Support and my head of department were very helpful. The problem has been me, not them lol x

Slightly different situation personally in that I'm married and on a post-grad masters course. As far as I can tell there is very little financial support availlable for students, but get yourself to the student support centre and talk to them. Also see if your university has free counselling (often run through the union) to give you time/space to discuss your options and work out what you want to do.

Of course a bf of "not very long" however supportive is not someone you can rely on when making practical plans: work out how you will cope as a parent, he won't have to take time out to give birth etc and you could be left holding the baby. Hopefully that won't be an issue, but take it into account.

Another yes to folic acid: the supermarket will have own-brand folic acid in the vitamins section if you are having trouble with the doctors. Have you seen your GP? They are best placed to help you access services and discuss things in theory at least.

I'll also be honest about the boyfriend. I'm married but my husband doesn't help that much. So take any male out of the equation, in my opinion that is!

You need to go to your union and see what support is available. There should be some kind of student advice centre, if not get onto the relevant sabbatical officer.

For now I would proceed with university as though you are going to have the baby because pregnancy goes fast but institutions are relatively slow.

If you haven't come to a decision then there is a reason for that. Hold that thought