Can't get colleagues comment out of my mind

[Maccapaccawacca]

I've just returned to work after 14 months mat leave.

Was having the normal 'catch up' chat with an older colleague. Was explaining that DS was with CM 2 afternoons a week to enable me to go back to work. She said "oh, you are brave, I couldn't have beared to leave my children with anyone when they were so small". I mumbled something about not having a lot of choice and then had to get on with some work.

This comment is playing on my mind. I HATE HATE HATE leaving DS but I have to work at least part-time. I haven't got family close by. Its making me feel extra guilty about leaving him. I feel the inference was that I obviously don't love him as much as she loved her children becuase I can (just) bear to leave him.

Grumble, moan

Please please please don't feel guilty. I am sure she was not judging you, but if she was, she's an idiot. You do what you have to do, what works for you and no one else should be trying to impose their feelings onto you.

FWIW, I have gone back to work full time and don't feel a moment's guilt about not being with DS. Not a moment. I am a much happier person when I'm not with a small child 24/7. I'd like to see him more, and definitely need to work on my work/life balance, but that's an entirely seperate issue.

And I completely agree with whoever commented on the double standard. No one thinks a man is "brave" for going back to work full time.

OP, feel your pain.

I only work two days a week, but still get colleagues wailing 'but don't you miss him?'. He is 14 m.o., have been back since he just turned 1.

Totally insensitive if I did, and really had no choice. As it turns out, DH and I are lucky enough to both be able to work part-time, and we share childcare. I adore my DS, but I like getting out and being an adult for those two days a week.

Ignore ignore ignore.

I work in a nursery school, my ds goes to a childminder 4 mornings a week.

When I went back when he was 13 months, one of my colleagues said "I could never trust a stranger to look after my child, I could only go back to work part time because my husband can look after her". We work in childcare ffs!

I just did this face

Hello,

Reading your post brought back a distant memory when I went back to work 18 years ago "leaving" DS1 in nursery.
An older female colleague did that fake concern thing "I don't know how you could do that. In my day etc etc".

I was feeling permanently on the verge of tears in those days (hormonal,sleep deprived but never guilt) but I do think you can tell the differnce between genuine concern/admiration/whatever and the one mummanship .

I will never forget another older colleague who came to my rescue and pointed out how isolated she had felt in the 60s as an SAHM on a new estate and that she would have loved the opportunity to WOHM.

Anyway it all turned out fine in the end as I am sure it will for you. DS1 now a young man and doing well. I am hormonal again-but that's another story.

I negotiated a flexible working arrangement when I returned to work from maternity leave after DC1 so I work from home 2 or 3 days a week. One day last year on one of my days in the office, one colleague asked me how my DCs were and another colleague said 'How would she know? She never sees them'...I was so hurt as I was in the middle of a particularly difficult juggling period where I felt I was so behind with my work, by trying to give as much as possible to the DCs I was working till ridiculous times of the night to keep on top of everything. And then someone who knows nothing about my family's home life makes some insensitive comment and I felt rubbish for ages.

I went back to work after 2 weeks and had 3 DS that all went to FT daycare @ 10 weeks and from 2 - 10 weeks they had a nanny at home. I had them all within 5 years.
My best friend at the time had her kids at the same time as me. She had to be a SAHM as her wages would not have covered the fees. One night when we went out for a drink she got [very] drunk and told me that I obviously didn't love my kids as much as she loves hers because I don't stay at home like she does. Needless to say we never spoke again.
That still haunts me.
However, 10 years down the line I have three wonderful, popular, bright and loving boys.
Do I regret it? Not on your life. The fact I did go straight back to work means the day care fees translated straight into prep school fees when it was time.
Old friends that I caught up with after the fall out with my BF all said 'you know she was jealous don't you?'. It had never occurred to me....
Please don't take any notice - you know you are doing the right thing for your family and that's what matters. This may be the first, but it certainly won't be the last. If it happens again I'd get the jokes in before they get the chance to make the snidey comments. I used to be quite sensitive to it, but as time has gone on and I have seen the proof in front of me that I did the right thing you could dump me in a room of them and I couldn't care less!!!