Where did I go wrong?

[qwertina]

Hello everyone, I hope it is ok to join MN and write such a long post straight away!
My lovely DD is 13 weeks old. At about 5 weeks we started a bedtime routine of bath, pyjamas and last feed, after which she would go down to her cot awake and settle down on her own, sometimes we would just go in to replace her dummy. She would wake for her feeds twice a night and go back to sleep immediately after.
At 7 weeks she started to fight naps and sleep for 40 min max, be it in her cot, buggy, sling or just on me. This resulted in her being overtired in the evenings and unable to settle so I started to feed her to sleep. She would take ages to fall asleep but once she did, she would still only wake twice a night.
The nap situation grew progressively worse and bedtimes were a total disaster with DD being hysterical and taking longer and longer to fall asleep.
Last week I decided to stop trying so many different things to get her to nap and I would start lying down with her and feeding her to sleep once a day, which seems to work so far and she gets about 2 - 2.5 hours of sleep around midday - as long as I am right next to her, as soon as I get up she wakes up.
After only few days we have noticed she is much happier and enjoying her bedtime again, although she would still need to be fed to sleep.
The last 4 nights she has been waking up up to 6 times and each time would not settle without me feeding her. I don't think she is hungry each time, as sometimes she only feeds for few minutes. She basically wants to sleep with my boob in her mouth and will not be fobbed off with a dummy.
She sleeps in a cot next to me and often ends up in bed with me, although I don't feel comfortable cosleeping and end up staying awake.
I am completely exhausted and all I can think about is her sleep. When she is asleep I count every minute and get very edgy if she starts stirring or waking.
I would like to know whether to continue what I am doing at lunchtime - lying down with her and basically popping my boob in her mouth each time she wakes so she goes back to sleep as it seems to have negative effect on her nighttime sleep?
TIA

There's a big growth spurt at 12 weeks. Even if she's having little feeds at night she's still stimulating your milk supply to make more. The poor day sleep will also make her more unsettled at night.

Lie down with her for her nap so you get some rest too. Take her out for other naps to get out of the house - I'm sure she'll sleep in the sling if out and you block her view? Once she gets the hang of napping again, it'll be easier. Also worth considering blackout blinds if you don't have already.

I really hear your frustration. It's awful being so sleep deprived and I really understand that feeling of being so tense you can hardly sleep yourself because you're just waiting for that inevitable moment they wake up again.

My DS slept really well from around 2 to 12 weeks, and then it got worse and worse. I think it was a combination of becoming more 'aware' of the world (rather than just a life of eat, sleep & poop) and I think he was also already teething, so needed a lot more comfort. Could it be teething with your DD, have you tried any teething gel?

Thank you for such a quick reply!

She will sleep in the sling, but only for half an hour at the most, even though she is clearly still tired when she wakes she will not go back to sleep without the boob.
When I read books/internet for advice on sleep the general rule seems to be not to feed babies to sleep. At the moment, it is the only thing that works for her and I feel guilty and useless because I cannot help my baby to sleep in any other way.
She is still too young to self settle surely?

I used to think that you just put babies to bed when they are tired, haha!

Haven't tried teething gel, might give that a go, although no signs of teething and she is very happy when not tired.
Thank you for the tip!

When did your DS start to sleep better again rrreow?

If she gets one big sleep in the day that'll be ok with the other short ones. Stick her in the sling after 30 mins of awake time and she might sleep longer as 30 mins naps mean she's too tired to sleep well! Babies really wake up at 3 months so harder to switch off. I remember this very well with DS!! DD is 11 weeks so her days of sleepy newborn are almost over!

When did your DS start to sleep better again rrreow?

Insert slightly hysterical laughter here...

It got worse before it got better. Around 6 months old he was up for comfort feeds 7 times a night. So that's when I 'tackled' it and started trying to settle him without feeding every time (I wouldn't advise that at 3 months though, even now, at 9 months DS still has 1 feed in the night), but just patting him and holding him. Right now he wakes up around twice a night, but he's teething pretty badly poor thing, so sometimes we give Calpol or teething gel.

He's in his own cot part of the night, but we did co-sleep for a long time which really gave us a lot more sleep, and he's still in our bed part of the night right now because of the teething.

I dunno, maybe mine is not the best example to emulate, but it does work for us (I feel like I get enough sleep about 75% of the time - which is much better than walking around permanently like a zombie as I was when DS was 6 months!).

And yes, SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS! I definitely never followed this advice myself (as I went back to work pretty quickly - I work from home) but kind of wish I had done for my sanity.

I've fed my dd to sleep since she was that age, like you I didn't plan mean to but couldn't get her to sleep any other way. We still (at 9 months) go through periods like you describe where she will only sleep with my nipple in her mouth (and it must be her Favourite Nipple, not Less Favoured Nipple). For us, it's a sign that dd's teething or unwell and she needs extra comfort, it normally improves after a few days. I survive these periods by co-sleeping, if you follow the safe co-sleeping guidelines it is not something to worry about.