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DD bad behaviour vs. reward for pooing... what to do?

7 replies

titferbrains · 20/02/2012 09:10

DD was pretty badly behaved this weekend but also managed to do her first proper poo in the loo.

We promised her a jessie doll and it should arrive today.

She was very naughty when I was at the dr yest, trying to get very hot baby sorted out, and began pinching, kicking and hitting me, climbing up to try to reach things she'd been asked not to touch etc. Doc was quite rightly, appalled/stunned. I was too worried about baby to deal with her and realise in retrospect that she was feeling very jealous of attn to baby, but at the time I was just very cross and embarrassed. once we left I told her how angry and sad I was and that there would be no jessie doll, that she needed a nap etc.

Don't know whether to give her the doll today. She did the poo late yest aft and it was on her own, so a great achievement! It's been a long time coming (we've been training her since xmas). I just feel that overall she is being naughty, shouting demands, and screaming and stamping/kicking when she doesn't get her own way etc. I spend all my time saying that x has made me very cross, that's not nice behaviour etc and it's exhausting. She also spends a lot of time imitating me which also incredibly depressing.

I don't know where to begin but it doesn't seem the right time to introduce an expensive and much desired gift!! Then again, it could be a peace offering and an opportunity to have a chat about being kind, listening etc.

I am thinking of starting a star chart if I do give it to her then we could talk about things she needs to do if she wants to keep it??

Thoughts??

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bigbadbarry · 20/02/2012 09:34

How old is she? If you have promised the doll for a poo on the toilet then I think you should give it regardless of whether she then went on to annoy you in other ways.

titferbrains · 20/02/2012 09:41

3yo, yes we promised a big treat for pooing in the loo.

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Indith · 20/02/2012 09:45

If you promised a doll for the poo then you have ot follow through with it, otherwise you are sending a very confusing message. The bad behaviour needs to be dealt with in a meaningful way at the time, you cannot say to her today that she was bad yesterday so can't have it.

My sympathies, it can be so, so hard when a new baby comes along.

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Fizzylemonade · 20/02/2012 09:45

I agree with giving her the doll but explain that it will be taken off her for any bad behaviour and that good behaviour will get it back.

Walk away from bad behaviour, don't give her the attention. Harder done than said but when she is calm and behaving how you want her to then give her lots of praise and attention.

Star charts are great, I broke mine down into very small amounts of time for ds2 otherwise he would never have got one Grin

So his star chart was, behaviour at breakfast, being dressed (he was 3) the walk to preschool, his walk back from preschool, etc

Iggly · 20/02/2012 09:46

Well you said she needed a nap so no wonder she was like that? I think it's too late to punish by withholding the doll - it's better that the sanction comes immediately with younger kids.

I'd chalk it down to experience. Then next time, tell your DD what she should do. For example with DS (2.5) I'll get him to bring a toy to the doctors and tell him to play with it (I'll have DD too who is 11 weeks). I'll also have snacks etc to keep him still for a bit. And avoid appointments at times too close to lunch/naps etc.

titferbrains · 20/02/2012 09:56

Iggly - she dropped napping before I had the baby, I just wanted her to go to bed and think about what she had done etc. She only stayed in her room for about 3 min in the end.

It was an emergency appointment so no choice on timing and we had to wait for an ambulance for the previous patient so we were much longer than I had anticipated.

She had been fine up until the Dr started examining the baby so I know that it was all about her feeling jealous.

I spoke to her very firmly but it was hard to make it clear to her that her behaviour was not acceptable, she knows very well that hitting etc is not allowed.

I think we will have to accompany the doll with a star chart tho.

OP posts:
Iggly · 20/02/2012 10:14

Yep I feel your pain - DS does this with new baby so I've taken to carrying snacks and toys (which he chooses). Occasionally i even let him play on my phone because it's really hard!

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