Helping 1 yr old with a lot of change

[Funloving]

Hi, just looking for advice/reassurance really. We have a 14 month old ds and are relocating to another county in a couple of months time. This will obviously mean moving house (with an interim stay at my parents for a couple of months), new childcare for ds, and now to top it all off, I'm expecting dc2 in October. I'm getting quite anxious about how all the changes are going to affect DS and wondering if anyone had any advice re preparing him or helping through it? Thanks!!

Hiya, well first off good luck with all of that yourself!

Regarding your son, I don't have any kids so am not best placed to say anything, but if pushed ;) I would say, expect him to regress in behaviour to more babylike things that he grew out of. Give them to him, for his security, and more love and cuddles and that may help him become secure again. Also why not talk to him about the move, take him round the house waving byebye to the rooms with teddy or whatever....

Hi Funloving

My DS1 had to go through two house moves to different ends of the country, starting nursery, me going back to work and then another move, mat leave and the birth of DS2. He was 9-14 months when all this went on. We were even away from DH for 3 months.

He coped better than I did.

Keep your DS's routine as much as humanly possible and make sure he always has his own things with him. A comfort object can be a life saver, my DS has a muslin (easy to clean/replace) which helps calm him when he's in a state. Put his old/unwashed sheets in his cot when you get to the new place because the familiar smell will be reassuring. Have a DVD/couple of books that you use over and over again so that there is something the same when everything else is changing. Look after yourself and be as confident as you can because if your doing ok he will feel better about stuff himself. Be generous with the cuddles and baby him if he wants it.

Small children are amazingly resilient and it will just take a little while for all the new stuff to become everyday life. Good luck.

Hi, i think a lot of it will depend on your DS's character. Is he quite easy going on the whole? Does he adapt quite easily to change? I think the rest of it will be about how you adapt to the changes. It tends to go that if you're more relaxed (difficult when things are changing so much, i know) then your DS will pick up his cues from you and be reassured.

Since DS was born we have gone to different places, stayed in hotels, travelled a bit to see relatives etc. I find that if the main routines stay the same (meals and bedtime routine) then that tends to keep him pretty grounded. Providing their needs for sleep, food and love are met at more or less the times they're used to then babies and children are more resilient than we give them credit for. The one consistent they rely on is you.

Oh, and he'll probably love the attention lavished on him at his GP's and forget all about 'what used to be' pretty much immediately. They don't have long memories at that age anyway.

Thanks everyone, good advice! He's a very happy relaxed little boy, but isn't great with change... Takes a whole to settle after room moves at nursery etc. But we'll try and keep as many things consistent as possible and hopefully things will go ok. And you're so right about the GP attention, they are SO excited!

we moved with my DS2 at about that age - really didn't bother him at all - also nearer GPs so that helped a lot too - I would say if you can take time off around the move - say a couple of weeks so he does have to do move then new childcare immediality that would be good - and get him settled into the childcare before the baby comes - the house move I wouldn't worry about - so long as you are there and toys it doesn't seem to bother them that much

OP, I could've written your post just over a year ago :)

DS was 14 months when we relocated overseas. We spent 6 weeks living with my DM, and then moved to the other end of the country. 3 weeks after the second move, I started work. A few months after that, he started daycare fulltime. (About 3 weeks in, we realized it wasn't working so he changed daycare...) AND we've just had DD (DS is now 28 months.)

I would say the run-up to the move was far more stressful (for me, and by extension for him) than the move itself IYSWIM. We sold our house in England, but had a complete nightmare trying to complete (long chain, things kept going wrong further down the chain and it was all really uncertain, then looked like it was all going to fall through and we didn't know if it was all going to work out until we exchanged and completed 4 days before the removal men came... We'd had to book without knowing as it was right before xmas and we really needed to move before the holidays...) and this was all after having had the house on the market for 10 months, with constant viewings and trying to keep the house presentable. Anyway, it was all unavoidavle but I wish I'd have managed my stresslevels better.

When we did move, DS was right at home at his granma, because we'd spent a few weeks there over the summer. If there is any way you could at least visit the GPs before the move, that would be great as it would then be a familiar environment. DS is a sensitive child, and although he's always found it easy to adapt to new situations WITH me (we co-sleep and BFd extendedly) we felt that it would've been too much for him to go to daycare after the second move, so DH stayed at home for a few months after I started work. Luckily we could just about afford this... Because of all the changes, we carried on co-sleeping and BFing, probably for a lot longer than we might've otherwise. Not sure if you do either of these, but if you do, do think about extending it for a while perhaps.

DS has a particular teddy which he quite liked, but I did start encouraging having the teddy in bed etc. before the move... And DS has found the teddy a comfort, takes him to daycare etc so as others above suggested, having a comfort-object might make the transition easier.

Oh, also packed tons of his favourite foods and snacks so that his diet wouldn't change drastically when we moved. (He went through a stage of refusing anything home-made and excisted mainly on Plum organics for a few weeks...)

All in all, the moves and changes went a lot smoother than anticipated, and DS didn't really show any signs of stress apart from disrupted sleep... But he's been a terrible sleeper since day 1... And he obviously also had a new language introduced as he started daycare, but was speaking it within just a few weeks!
He's welcomed his little sister with open arms, so I'd say it's all likely to be more stressful for you than for him - but try not to worry and enjoy your new life, it'll soon be homely and comfortable for all of you!

I've just done this :)

13 month old here and we've moved house, childminder etc in the last month. He was jnsettled for a while but I think part of that was just normal separation anxiety and a reaction to all the house being boxed up, lots of long train an car journeys etc.

As others have said, I kept everything the same. Same meals for a few weeks in old house and new. Same sheet on his cot for 10 days so the smell was familiar! We read meg and Mog and hairy Mclary every night, no other books.

Settling into the new cm took about a fortnight all together as it included an ear infection, but a month in and he's completely sorted :) he's really resilient actually. I still worry it will cause psychological damage later

Good luck