How can I get people to see that being a full time student and a single mum is like doing a full time job?

[iamastudentandamum]

Basically, that's it in a nutshell.

Single parent, 2 kids. Doing degree full-time - in 2nd year.

And I am fed up to the back teeth with my kids/friends/neighbours thinking that I sit about the house all day doing feck all when I'm not at university.

My friend works part time and I'm fed up with her constantly whinging that she has it so much harder than me, because she works.

And the kids have this notion that I'm "off" when I'm not actually in university which is encouraged by their dad so why can't I do xyz - well actually it's hard work and tough going and I'm putting in a load of effort.

How do I get them to see it, or do I just bin the unsupportive people and ignore the ex rest?

When your children are doing their homework ask if they're 'working' or off? I presume you're sitting at a table studying?

I'd ignore your 'friend' she's an idiot - in fact stop trying to justify yourself, you don't need to.

I really wouldn't worry about what anyone thinks or justify what you are doing your days 'off'. My DC would get short shrift if they pulled me up.( but I am mean )

I'm a second year student too and I'm only in two days a week from now on, however I have loads of reading and work to do. I do go out with my friends now and again as, well, I want to, but mostly I try to get as much work done as I can.

Keep your chin up and tell them to keep their beaks out!

I wonder if your friend and ex a threatened by how well you are doing - 2nd year at uni and managing two children. I suspect they are, as you are learning new things, ways of talking, viewing the world, and changing for the better.

As for your children, (and I am v lucky - mine all support me) don't hide your studies. Study when they are about or go to bed early with your books and work in your bed. Work during half term, don't leave it clear for them. Work on a Sunday afternoon when they are there - so they can see the sheer hard work and volume of reading/writing you have to do.

Children, being a lone parent and Uni is INCREDIBLY difficult. Well done you!s!

I agree with Laurie, stop trying to justify yourself. Find yourself a friend who is supportive of you and what you do.
As a student an a lone parent so many people are going to assume you are a no good scrounging layabout that you could talk yourself hoarse trying to convince them you're not and you won't change their minds becuase they don't want you to.

Just carry on doing what you are doing and knowing that is the best thing for you and your family.

I take my hat off to you.

Is your friend also a single mum? (We all need an outlet, but it has to be in balance to each other IYSWIM). If not, well....

And maybe time to cull the less-than-supportive "friends" and put dad's comments on the back burner, sounds like he is trying his hardest to undermine you using your kids as his ammunition....

Yea, sounds like they're jealous.... you just have to rise above it (easier said than done, I know).

You need to spend less time on what other people say and think and more on concentrating on you, your study and your kids solely. Just look at the longer picture.

All the best

Thank you all so much - I am a regular but I've name changed for this because it's so whiney and not like my normal persona iyswim

My friend is married and has her parents within a 2 minute walk, and they help her a lot.

I have been guilty of trying not to study when the kids are around - so I will stop that, you're right it's a good idea for them to see me working.

I'm just so tired I'm putting in so so much effort I spend all day reading/writing up notes/doing research and it feels like I'm being dissed in the way they are speaking about me.

And the ex is definitely jealous - you're right about that as well.

Thanks all.

Re studying whilst they are around - one of mine was asked in school today who was his inspiration - (he is a moody normal teen boy) - he said me! Because I work so hard, am doing a degree, juggle all parts of their lives and still am there for him.

So you carry on doing what you have to do - whether they tell you or not, they appreciate you and that you value yourself enough to improve yourself. And as the say "loose the haters"...