I've losted today, come and help me please!!!!

[MsBakingCakes]

DD (2.7 years old) has been very difficult for the last week or so.

A bit of background. Almost a year ago I separated from her dad and at the end of last year we moved to another city due to work. We are living with my partner which she knows all her live as he is an old friend. Everytime she comes back from seeing her dad we have epic tantrums and difficult behaviour. I think in a way her behaviour is very normal for her age but it gets more difficult when she is back even if she has only being with him less than 48 hours. He doesn't call her everyday, he calls her only twice a week and if she is lucky she sees him once a week on skipe too. This week I have tried to call him every two days so DD could talk with him as she has been asking for him when she has had a tantrum. Not sure if this is because she is missing him or why as when we call him she does not talk that much on the phone and gives me the phone back.

Her behaviour. She has been screaming a lot and shouting back, but seems it is only to me and not my partner. It is very difficult to talk to her and won't listen even if she is asking for something and the answer is YES, she will ask the same qustion again but shouting louder wihtout realising that we have said YES. She seems to be treating me at the moment with very bad manners and I do not know how to stop it. It is making me feel very low at the moment. I just want my little beautiful girl back, the one we have lots of fun and laughter with. With her current behaviour I do not feel like I want to spend any time with her at all and I told her this today . I don't know why she behaves like this and when I ask her she can't tell me. I would really like to help her to fix this situation but I don't know how to do it.

We don't use the time out technique because we do not like and we still co-sleep. Please come and help us but be gentle as I feel very sentsitive at the momen

MsBakingCakes, just wanted to send you a big

I cant offer any advice with regards to whether your daughters behaviour is linked to seeing your ex, but I have had 3 daughters, and the age your daughter is at now was always the hardest with my eldest 2 (youngest is only 4 months old, so yet to see).

Terrible twos are nothing compared to the Horrible Three's! My middle daughter only just came out of this phase, she has just turned 4. I always found that praise gets better results than telling off - not that I am suggesting you dont discipline her when she tantrums, but when she behaves well make a big fuss. My girls responded much better to this than being told off. Also explaining why her behaviour is not acceptable (once the tantrum is over, no point mid-screaming) in a calm voice helped my two understand why mummy was not happy with them.

I live with their dad but they will still call for the parent who is not telling them off when having tantrums, so this is not something that I think is exclusively due to her dad not being there. And would explain why your partner is not getting all the aggression as it is you who is parenting your daughter and she is aware of that.

I can imagine that your DD misses her dad when she is not with him, and at her age it is very difficult for her to control her emotions. As stressful as it is and upsetting for you because as parents, we do take things personally, try to give her as much reassurance that her dad and you love her very much and that you miss her when she is visiting her dad, but you know that you will see her again when she comes home, and vice versa that daddy misses her but knows he will see her soon. But try to do this even when she is happy and not having a tantrum so she knows that you will tell her how much you love her without her getting upset first.

I have a close friend who is seperated from her eldest childs dad, and she went through so many similar behavioural problems as you. Her little boy is 7 now and much easier after visiting his dad once a fornight. It's always very hard at the begining and my heart goes out to you and your daughter.

Try to stay strong, I hope it gets easier for you all soon x

Thank you Natz. I have found this last week very hard. I always keep calm and explain her why her behaviour is making me sad or cross but I am not sure if at the moment she is understanding what I am saying to her.

We have a calendar where she can see when she is seeing her dad as we have pictures of him and we cross everyday. This has helped a lot as before she didn't know when she was seeing him. Next time she goes with him she is bringing with her a copy so she can cross also the days and will know whe she will be back with us so hopefully she will be better. Will see.

Thanks again