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Parenting

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Not coping with 14yo

2 replies

HeteronormativeBuckethead · 17/02/2012 13:40

DS seems very lazy but may be Aspergers (waiting for NHS diagnosis). He uses his behaviour as a tactic to get out of helping around the house and doing homework/schoolwork.

I am at the end of my tether and have just really shouted at him.
He was promised swimming today if he got his paperwork for his Duke of Edinburgh Award together.

He manipulates the situation so that I spoonfeed him every action; telling me he doesn't know how to do things (as simple as emptying and changing a bin). Obviously it us easier to do it myself but I try not to do this too much. However spoonfeeding him through every action - which I know he's capable of - is exhausting me.

I've told him that he has blown his chance of swimming now, but I still need him to complete the paperwork. Of course now I have no carrot.
I feel ashamed for just shouting at him so much but tbh he shouts at me more.

I'm on my own and my boyfriend of 4 yrs doesn't want to take a role with step parenting DS, although I really feel that DS needs a role model.
Incidentally I have a 19yo who was no trouble at all.

Sorry for confused post, typing as it happens.

OP posts:
SecretSquirrels · 17/02/2012 16:00

I don't know anything about aspergers but it all sounds your average 14 year old boy behaviour.
Choose your battles. Make it an issue only if it's important and try to ignore the rest.
14 seems young for DoE and young to be responsible for the paperwork. That's something I would happily "spoonfeed". I'm not sure why swimming would be a reward for doing this paperwork, does he perhaps not want to do the DoE?
I would try posting on teenagers, always lots of good advice on there..

HeteronormativeBuckethead · 17/02/2012 18:26

Thanks squirrels. I'd forgotten about the Teenagers section, will go there.

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