gap between dc1 and dc 2 etc

[CharliesMummyMeg]

What is your gap between your children?

I want to have a big ish gap between my first and second purley because im 19 had ds1 when i was 18 and i want to give ds1 lots of love while he has me to his self, dc2 can get attention when ds1 is at school....

Also, i want to "forget" what pregnancy/childbirth was like. i know i will never FORGET but i want it almost to be a long enough gap so it can almsot feel like a first again..

Am I crazy...

Was your gap a big gap? Did you almost forget your pregnancy/childbirth? Was the first birth and pregnancy diffrent from your second? Was it longer, shorter, harder?

there is just under 3 years between dd and ds. With dd I had borderline pregnancy diabetes so had to check my blood sugar several times a day and watch what I ate. I was late and ended up being induced - had a 2nd degree tear that needed stitching - stitches were worse than the birth itself! DD was jaundiced when she was born and we were in hospital for 5 days and she had to have photo-therapy and get her bloods tested on a few occasions (heel prick which made her scream!). I ended up with post natal depression partly due to feeling I had failed at breastfeeding and that I was a rubbish mum.

With ds I didnt get diabetes so was more relaxed about what I could eat. I was early so didnt need inducing. Labour was a bit longer and ds was back to back. Had a 2nd degree tear again but as it wasnt bleeding was left to heal by itself. Was in for a few days with him too as he had a suspected heart murmur. It had cleared up by the time he was 6 months.

I found that second time round I wasnt so hard on myself and when breastfeeding didnt work out again I accepted it and didnt feel down about it.

dd1 to 2 - 1 year 9 months
dd2 to 3 - 3 years 2 months
dd3 to 4 - 3 years 5 months
dd4 to 5 - 2 years 9 months

No, I did not forget pregnancy and childbirth! I suppose the first was different because it was a shock. But I haven't had any difficult births really so can't complain.

There's a 4 yr and 4 month age gap between my two and it has been so lovely as DC1 has shown no jealousy at all to his little brother. He has so much empathy and understanding because he is older. He knows the baby will grow up and won't be taking all my time an attention forever whereas I think if he would have been much younger he wouldn't have had the understanding to deal with that as well as he has.... even though DS2 is a particularly grumpy and difficult baby (as was DS1!) I just couldn't have coped with a smaller age gap! DS1 is at school full time now and it's been half term this week and it's been SO much harder having them both to entertain ALL day so I am glad I waited til he was at school otherwise it would have been this hard everyday and I would have lost the plot!

I didn't forget the labour though! Every agonising tear and rip was very very much etched into my memory!!

thanks for all your comments - when i say forget i mean was it a little bit hazy or were your labours diffrent from the first so maybe it felt like the first again?

Oh and DS1's labour was very very long but remarkably not too painful (aside rom him having his arm up by his face and tearing me but the contractions were bearable and I had no pain relief) DS2's labour was much much quicker, only 3 hours but the contractions were so so much more intense and painful. I would have gladly had pain relief but by the time I went to hospital I was fully dilated and within 5 minutes and 4 pushes he was out! Much more painful than the first labour but again no complications and over and done with a lot quicker!

I think that's the thing, my labours were both standard non complicated natural deliveries but they were both so different that there's no comparing really. With DS1 the pain wasn't so bad but I was sooo tired and exhausted from the length of time (39 hours) that I almost didn't have enough energy to push by the end of it. With DS2 I was in agony but could push him out very easily. Not sure if it was because he was my second that it was a lot quicker. The contractions were so much stronger that he kind of got himself out! Won't be forgetting either of them in a hurry

so really regardless of if you have given birth before everytime is like a first tine due to the fact that most births are diffrent!! 39 hours.........wow

I have 3y9m between ds and dd. I'd have chosen to have a smaller gap if I could but I had hyperemesis in my first pregnancy and was scared how I'd cope with that and a young toddler. However, I'm so glad we didn't have a smaller gap because this one is perfect - so far at least, they are 5 and 17m. I had all that time alone with ds and we are so close and then when dd got interesting older and turned 1, he started school so I feel like I'm getting lots of quality toddler time with her too :) they absolutely love each other most days

I think that's normally the case although my cousin has 2 boys, 18 months apart, both born at exactly the same weight (8lbs 3 oz) and both her labours were exactly the same length 4 hours, and both felt the same apparently. I think it depends. Mine were so different that with the second one I actually only ust made it to hospital as I had no idea I was fully dilated and ready to push which I felt really stupid for, I thought I'd know what I was doing second time round but I had no idea what was going on down there!

isnt it strange however person is diffrent! Did your second pregnancy birth have as much effect on family/friends as your first? Were they as excited as your first?

There is 2.5yrs between my two and it has worked well for us. I didnt forget what pg and labour was like, but it is as special a time as with number 1. I didnt find my family as excited as with number 1, but we were, so thats all that matters. The thing to remember is you cant always plan the gap you would like, and whatever gap it is, it will work for you and your family

Eighteen months between ds1 and ds 2.
Four years 3 months between ds2 and dd1.
Twenty one months between dd1 and ds3
and eight years between ds3 and dd2.

The short age gaps were hard work for the first six months or so but it was nice as they got older and they had ready made playmates. Having dd after an eight year gap was like starting anew but I have really enjoyed having a single child and it is so much easier than having a pair.

I found that friends were just as excited we were having DC2 as were we but family weren't so interested. Not sure why. Obviously they adore him now he's here but I think I was overloaded with it last time as my DS1 was the first baby in the family for a generation so was the first granchild on both sides and the first great granchild etc. Since then my cousin had her 2 boys so by time my DS2 came along he was the 4th boy to be born within the family in 4 years so it was a bit like old news to them maybe??? Not sure but I was very grateful for it. I found all the attention and visitors a bit overwhekming last time when I just wanted to be left alone to get to know our baby. This time DC2 was born at Christmas and it was a lovely quiet time for us all to get used to our new family dynamic whilst having the excitement of Christmas and new toys for DS1 so he didn't feel too pushed out.