If you are/were a WOHM, do you regret it?

[CJMommy]

Feeling a bit down really. I'm not sure if it's to do with DH recently having the snip so no more babies or the fact that I have not progressed in my career in the last few years....or maybe a combination of both?

DS is 4, DD is 1. I have always worked full time and have returned to FT work after both pregnancies. I have always strived to achieve in my work and be able to provide for my kids. I have always studied to get further qualifications so that I can earn more. I also enjoy my work and gain a lot of satisfaction from what i do. The problem is, have I got it wrong? I wonder whether I should have worked less, studied less and stayed at home more.

I'm not sure why I suddenly feel like this? Work is not particularly good at the moment. I am very broody and DS is due to start school in September.

Kids are in nursery from 730-530 every day and, admittedly they seem to love it. However, am I getting it wrong? Should I get a job that is more suitable for school hours and less inclined towards my career development?

I really don't know what is wrong with me. I have always believed in working hard to provide and am proud that I have achieved so much in my career but really, is it worth it? Are my kids going to grow up and think, 'who are you?'

Someone please talk some sense into me!

Unashamed bump

I'm biased I went back to work when ds was 4.5 months old so I say nope, don't regret it at all.

I think if having a career is important to you then to not have one would be a very hard adjustment to make (well for me anyway). I get so much from being ds' mum, but I get a lot from accomplishments at work too.

I think children benefit a lot from parents who are career minded.

I'm pretty sure lots of people will come along and tell you lots of things you do and don't want to hear, about sahm or wohm, nursery or staying at home etc. So good luck!

Thanks Mbear. I do wonder if it's just that as I am so unhappy in my job at the moment, that i am beginning to question my choices. If I were in a job that i loved, would I feel differently?

I think its is probably more about being unhappy in your job - with a bit of no more babies and school starting thrown in - is it the job or where you work that is the problem?

that said I love working less than full time - its the right balance for me

I think to be a WOHM you need to either have a job that you love or really need the money. Depends on your internal motivations.

I think it's much harder to have school age children in wrap around care
There is hardly any time to practise their reading and spelling
After a long day at school they need time to unwind and it's tricky being sent to a childminder or afterschool club every single day

I work part time (2.5 days a week) and think I get the best of both worlds.

I only have one child who isn't at school yet and she happily does 3 full days in nursery giving me a half day for all the things I never seem to get done any other time (5 children!) and 2 days spent doing things with her.

I am a dance teacher so I can also be slightly flexible if I have to pick up ill children etc.

We could do without the money but the children don't miss me, I have enough time and I adore my job.

So no, I don't regret it but I think I might if I worked full time.

Nope. But am part-time sahm/part=time wohm and for the moment at least I have a job not a career. It's a job I love nontheless and will become a career in time, but whilst I still have one pre-school-age child a job it shall remain.

That was entirely my choice though. I gave up a career in banking when ds1 was tiny, partly through being shafted through a move in departments but mostly due to a growing crisis of morality - ds1 was definitely the catalyst for that one! Won't go back to the corporate rat race either.

I do think you'd feel differently about your situation at the moment if you were happy in your job just now. I also absolutely think that that doesn't mean you've made a duff decision! No one can be happy in their job all the time surely?

I'm currently regretting working due to a) also deciding on no more babies and b) also not enjoying work at the moment!

I think I'm actually going to stop for a year or two. I'm not going to get the opportunity again before they're both at school and I know I'll regret missing it for a job I don't even like.

But that's me; you have to do what you know is best for you. This may be the worst decision of my life for all I know. It is such a hard one to make.

I agree Sooty. I have just gone back to work full-time, I planned going back full-time and when I would go back based on returning to my old job which i loved. Having gone back - I've been shafted and have been switched to something different which I don't enjoy much. I've decided it's not me it definitely is the job and will take what I'm given but will look for something else and the minute we can afford for me to work part-time I will. I hated mat leave but am loving annual leave when I get to spend more time with DS. I think the ideal for me would be a three-day a week job/career. However, once I go part-time, I don't intend to go full-time when he's older.

If it helps - my mum went back to work when I was 10 and I think that was a huge upheaval for me because I had never known her working. I think if your children don't know any different then they accept it - how can you miss what you've never had?

Sorrry I've not been back for a few days.
You all make very valid points.
AnOtherName Yes it is a bit of all those things. I do love my actually job, but it's the place. I have been looking for new jobs, but there is nothing out there at the moment. We could survive if i cut back to 3 days but work can't accomodate that as i would need set days.

Well, I don't regret it because my DH is too ill to work, so if I didn't we would be penniless. Even so, I did have some wobbles in the early days, when it seemed particularly hard to get through every day, although god knows what I thought we could do about it.

What I do appreciate, however, is not having to put ds into the after-school club, although I'm sure it's very nice. He's never been keen when I've mentioned it (the spring term can be hard if it snows a lot as it's hard for DH to get to school for the afternoon pick-up) and it feels to me like someone saying "right everyone, it's time to go home now - except for you, you and you" - imagine if that happened at work!

I think the point is, it's always a sacrifice (if you think about it, even working when you don't have kids is a compromise between having free time and having money, however much you love a job) and it has to feel like a sacrifice worth making in the grand scheme of things. If your work isn't fulfilling you, nor essential to pay the bills, nor ticking a more long term box like allowing you to work towards x, y or z in career terms, it's not a sustainable sacrifice.

And again, I think this is entirely true even without children, but clearly this is a more emotional compromise to have to make. I have a childless colleague who admitted to me recently that the equivalent his entire salary goes straight into savings every month - he and his DW both work full time. He is bored and frustrated in his job, he has no dependants or financial risk - in his shoes I would have been off years ago, travelling or working abroad or whatever. I don't know what he's trading off to make his current situation worthwhile.

Not yet. I work part time (well I will be when I go back after DD as on mat leave). I have two DCs.

I don't regret it now because I'm not very good at the baby stage. Toddler stage is easier (DS is 2.4).

I suspect I'll want to be a SAHM once they both get older but we'll see. Also if work is crap I'll def want to do it!

Having always been so career minded tribpot I do worry that if I drop day/s then I will get left behind. However, I'm talking NHS here not law/banking etc so not difficult to catch up again.

It's always worked up until now. I guess I'm just worried about DS starting school and fitting everything in!