3 yo dd gets up and mucks about after I have put her to bed every night, despite taking away toys, turning off beloved music, promising to stay in bed, chats with me, DH, DM etc etc.
I find I just speak to her in a very cross voice (Like a scary teacher) which she then imitates when playing with her dolls 
"Go to bed! Right now! I don't want to hear it!"
I am so fed up of it and often want to smack in this situation to teach her a lesson. I am really anti smacking but it is so hard not to!
I know all the proper parenting solutions but how best to deal with feelings around having been smacked and get rid of desire to smack my own kids?
I was not abused but my mum spanked me pretty severely a couple of times and she also spanked my brother once in a way that terrified me.
I don't want dd to be scared of me and I don't want to use violence against her in any way. But the other day, for example, she pinched DS's cheek when I wasn't looking, not hard but she does this all the time and i am constantly worried that she will one day really hurt him. I was very cross and pinched her cheek and said does that feel nice? it left a red mark 
and I was so horrified but I also feel so protective of baby and I don't know how to dampen down those GRR I AM MOTHER HERE ME ROAR IF YOU HURT MY BABY I WILL HURT YOU feelings. I remember this from when DD was a baby, the sense of wanting to protect is so damn strong...
Sorry for ramble, any thoughts?