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Original poster

Gender appropriate toys?

77 replies

wannaBe1974 · 25/01/2006 13:07

Last night I was talking to a friend who I haven't seen since before christmas. She was tellin me about the presents her DD had got and was saying that her mum had bought her a garage with lots of cars as her DD loves cars. She then said that her grandfather had gone absolutely belistic at her mother for buying a "boy's toy for a girl!" It made me smile somewhat as I remember well that when I was a child and not into dolls I played with scalectrics and trains and cars, my DS, although totally into cars and trains also has a kitchen and lots of play food. So, do you buy gender specific toys? and if so would you draw a line at anything?

Think if I had a daughter I would allow anything, but think I'd be a bit uncomfortable if DS asked for a barby doll, lol.

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jalopy · 25/01/2006 18:08

I remember chatting to a mum who had two older girls and a little boy. She never allowed hime to play with guns, weapons, etc. He used to rotate Barbie's legs to an alarming angle and pretend she was a rifle.

Hallgerda · 25/01/2006 18:26

Aren't Action Men and Playmobil essentially dolls for boys?

I seem to remember an article in the Grauniad some years ago to the effect that Barbie started off that way too - she used to be a German porn doll called Lilli iirc. (Mattel deny it, naturally).

Thank you, fennel, for the link to Feral Cheryl -do you feel an affinity because of her bag of herbs?

Filyjonk · 26/01/2006 07:48

Ds (2.4) likes to copy daddy so likes washing machines, cooking stuff, baby dolls and cars (he especially likes to get mummy a "nice cup of tea".

Dd (6 mo) likes to copy ds, but can only really play with the cars.

Its all working out nicely!

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MaryP0p1 · 26/01/2006 07:59

My dd was the same and to some extent is still the same, plays Pokemon and gameboy with the boys rather than the girls. However, we recently moved country and language is a bit of a hurdle for her and I think that generally boys and the games boys play require more physicality than language.

My DS is famous for wearing dresses and only recently has stopped. The Xmas before last he was Mary in the nativity!! and we have so many photo's of him in dresses and doing ballet (better than the children in the group I might add). My DH doesn't have a problem with him doing these things but does have a problem with him doing it outside the house!

I'm just not bothered, having worked with children for many years I have noticed that boys gravitate towards the dolls and the dressess and then they become gender aware and won't touch them with a barge poll. My DS is just becoming gender aware and hasn't dressed up in a dress for a while now.

fennel · 26/01/2006 12:05

Hallgerda

i do feel an affinity for fellow herbs. there's a mumsnetter called Coriander, i wonder if she's a soulmate?

JackieNo · 26/01/2006 12:09

Have given in on Barbie (but haven't actually bought any - she's had them as presents) but am hoping never to have a Bratz doll in the house!

Bozza · 26/01/2006 12:11

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mumfor1sttime · 26/01/2006 12:12

I wouldnt have a problem with ds having a doll. Think my dh would though! He wants him to have 'boys' toys.

My nephew (3yrs) has a thing for a pink handbag at the moment, he likes to put it on his shoulder and play shop.
I think he is just copying my Sister, she isnt worried, although her dp is!

pablopatito · 26/01/2006 12:22

What are gender specific toys? I mean, as adults these days things are so much less gender specific than they used to be with loads of women into beer, football, careers & cars and loads of men into cooking, raising children and facial products and no-one really cares anymore - so who cares what our children do?

I've heard loads of people worry that their son playing with Barbie might 'make him turn out gay' but I really doubt that spending your formative years dressing attractive naked women will suddenly make you decide you like men.

lilstarry1 · 26/01/2006 12:59

I've not even had my first yet and already the toys and brochures scare me! I actually did a sociological study for Uni on gender-specific toys and parental expectations.. For the most part brochures are still enforcing stereotypes.. I think it's only worrying when you see things like the dress up outfits and the boys are dressed as fire-people or police-people and the girls are nurses and princesses. I mean, I suppose we could be over-analytical, but I still think it's worrying that the message is there from an early age that girls will play with dolls and kitchens and be motherly, whilst boys will play with cars and guns and things that take them away from the home!!

I'm all for letting my child pick and chose freely. Altho I'd be mortified if they wanted a Bratz doll, those things are HIDEOUS shudder!

Also, my final random point about Barbie - she was actually invented by an American woman after a visit to a German Brothel were prostitutes handed out plastic doll models to their paying customers as a reminder of their services! So yes, essentially Barbie came from a German porn doll! Also, her dimensions are so absolutely unrealistic no woman could ever achieve them without dying Great stuff, no? xxx

Blu · 26/01/2006 13:13

DS on gender specificity:
DS: Gabriel says girls are rubbish because they only want to play with princess things
Me: What did you say?
DS: I said girls can play with boy things, and boys can be princesses if they want
Me: oh yes, when you played with Daisy you wore a princess outfit, didn't you?
DS, (with maximum indignation) No, because I had my prince hat. That's what boys wear when they are being a princess.

Filyjonk · 26/01/2006 17:04

Any idea when they become gender aware MaryPop? And can I do anything to prevent it

Hulababy · 26/01/2006 18:17

Filyjonk - DD has always gravitated towards more girly toys for as long as I can remember and certainly before her 1st birthday. Even at nursery and friend's houses where there were even more variety of toys she would head for the dolly and try to look after it, feed it, etc.

Why do you want to prevent your child expressing their own inclination for a given toy/game? We let DD choose what she plays with herself. It's in her persoanlity and make up to be irly I think, so that is what she is.

Filyjonk · 26/01/2006 18:40

Oh god, hulababy, lighten up, I'm joking! Ds is so sweet with feeding his babies (Po!) that it makes up for the "No! No Mummy! No! " refrain that rules the rest of his life. Thats all.

(I can just see me now-"No, Filyboy. Step away from the garage with lift! Go play with your Barbie doll instead! (and don't make it into a gun).".

Hulababy · 26/01/2006 18:49

Ok - no worries. Don't get stroppy. Relax! I answered a question - many people have asked that type of thing seriously you know! Only answered the darn question you know. Wasn't to know you were just joking, even despite a smily face. Blimey!

Filyjonk · 26/01/2006 19:13

ok. hulababy, no hard feelings, eh?

Hulababy · 26/01/2006 19:16

So you want to play with my vivid pink plastic Barbie or my bright blue tonka truck car? LOL!

TaiTai · 26/01/2006 19:22

For Christmas DH wanted to get our then ten-month-old girl a doll and a "boy's toy". I thought this was a good idea, as when we went round to an older boy's house recently she loved his fire engine. So she got a rag doll and fire engine. Much prefers the fire engine. When I asked the boy's mother where she got the fire engine from as I wanted to buy one, she said she thought it was a good idea I was getting it for DD as she felt girls got the raw end of the deal when it comes to toys because boys are more fun. I'm not going to do gender-specific toys but I'm ashamed to say if I had a boy I would worry about it more, I think. Not because it necessarily bothers me, just that I know other people might comment on it and I can't be doing with the hassle. I hope if I do have a boy I get over that though.

On another note, I can never really understand why people are so opposed to Barbies. It's not like other toys aren't grossly unrealistic too. However, I'm biased - my father worked for the company that made barbie dolls and I had loads of the damned things!

hovely · 26/01/2006 20:18

just thought this link might be of interest

Barbie vs Feral Cheryl

Spidermama · 26/01/2006 20:37

Oh! I LOVE feral Cheryl. I want one.

MaryP0p1 · 26/01/2006 20:46

Filyjock, I don't think there's much you can do really. In my experience its about 4. You also have to take into account that boys generally get a hormone surge about that time and really want to fight everybody and have difficulty with concentration etc. Obviously when giving an age every child is different and some never really change. I don't think there's much you can do because of peer pressure. I would and do just enjoy them as they are.

nooka · 26/01/2006 21:31

I think that it is way earlier than that. My dd gravitated towards caring for things when she was tiny. After a few episodes of her putting coffee jars to bed I relented and bought her a doll, and she still loves it best now she is 5. I have tried very hard to buy non-gendered toys, and I hate hate hate that pink isle, but it is what she likes to play with, so we now have about 20 barbies given to her by various people. I just try and buy things that have more scope, like playpeople. I find Barbie pretty boring to play with to be honest (dd has to play with her Daddy if she gets out the barbies!). ds likes typical boys toys, trains, cars etc. They both enjoy light sabre fights however, and ds insisted that the doll's house I got out of the attic recently was "for both of us". So maybe there is hope yet!

pebblemum · 27/01/2006 01:38

My nephew always used to play with my barbies when they came round to visit and the oldest harrassed his mum to buy him a pink fluffy dog while the yougest just had to have a pushchair for his teddies.

My ds2 likes playing with his friends dolls pram, so much so that her mum has bought him a cheap one from a car boot for when he visits so that they dont argue over it. It is blue it came with its own doll and bag and ds2 loves it. Dh isnt impressed though

It does not bother me as i think half the time boys like playing with girls toys and vice versa for one reason only. They are different to most of the toys they have got at home! Now if my sons wanted to start wearing girls dresses then i may worry a bit

Skribble · 27/01/2006 02:07

DS had a baby doll and a pram, a toy kitchen etc when he was younger, He hs claimed back one of DD's dolls and calls it Mark, he is 9yrs. I am sure FIL had worries about DS turning into a "willy woofter" as he so delicitly puts it.

DD I an afraid is a pink puff, despite my best efforts to turn her into a tomboy she goes for pink every time.

maisiemog · 27/01/2006 18:31

My ds is only 14 months, so he is a bit young to ask for anything. The bulk of his toys are your basic coloured Fisherprice type stuff. He does have one dolly, it's a little black boy, and he chews his head.
I was pretty horrified at the way baby clothes are so gendered. I still dress ds in pink babygros amongst others because I find the gender division of colours ludicrous. He wears mainly red white and green, but it's so hard to buy clothes that don't make him look like a skinhead or a squaddie.
Most children's clothes are hideous colours in my opinion, either ghastly yellow and pink or yucky blue and khaki. And who hijacked purple as a girl's colour, it wasn't that way in my day rant rant!!
Sorry I digress.
He did try pushing a pushchair at ELC and loved it, but it was a bit high and he ended up falling over. Perhaps I'll find a smaller version.