Does anyone have teenagers and babies??

[Missgiraffe1]

My DD will be 16 in June, and I am due baby No2 in May. Although she is a great girl, DD can be extremely moody sometimes and it is a constant batte to get her to pick things up/tidy up after herself. With pregnancy and pre-menstrual hormones raging at times, there have been some clashes to say the least.
How do people manage the every day challenges of having a teen (who is not the most tidy or organised) with the exhaustion and work a brand new baby brings????
Am starting to worry a little bit.
And, although she is almost 16, I don't want to risk alienating her by always going on about how tired I get, my sore back, heartburn etc etc and how she needs to help out more, which will then inevitably followed by the baby this, and the baby that (in her eyes). I do expect her to buck up her ideas to be honest, but worry a bit that I always seem to be moaning at her.
Any tips???

Well mine are ds 26,24 and 21 and dd 10 and 1 so yep ive done it all really. I never found the older kids particularly sympathetic to my pregnancies but then again not horrible either. DD was delighted to be having a sister last year and was mostly great but occasionally selfish as a 10 yr old can be. I found it best not to expecvt too much as it was after all my decision to have another one.

My DD1 was approaching her 13th birthday when my DS was born. She has never been the most tidy girl (floordrobe anyone ) but to be honest that worked in her favour as I stopped stressing about it with a new baby and just let her get on with it. Tidying her room is not an issue now she is almost 18 and she appreciates me not nagging her when it was bad.

Your DD will presumably have GCSEs this spring/summer? My DD1 needed time and relative quiet during her exam leave. Not the easiest thing to achieve with a 3yo running around. HOWEVER I was busy with DS and wasn't on her case all the time, checking up how much studying she'd done each day. Just needed to make sure that she had all her equipment for each exam and took her to school and picked her up afterwards. Listened if she needed to rant. It helped that DS settled quickly and we did have a couple of hours in the evening to talk about her day.

You may be pleasantly surprised at how much slack your DD will pick up for you while you are busy with your new baby. DD1 and DD2 (now 12) are brilliant around the house - pretty much self sufficient apart from laundry and mealtimes and are absolutely wonderful with their little brother. Big age gaps work in this house at least.

Good luck with your new baby.

Thanks for your replies. And, you are right ledkr, it was my decision to have another one and I can't, and don't, expect her to suddently act like another adult. I would just like her to be a bit more considerate and tidy - but I guess that would apply even if I wasn't having another baby!

Good to hear your experience Angel. Yes! Floordrobe!! I wish it didn't wind me up so much, but it does. Think I'll just have to try to stay out of her room as much as possible and pretend the mess doesn't exist. It would certainly cut the arguments significantly!! We're in Scotland, so it's her Standard Grades this year - baby due smack bang in the middle of the exams! Not the best timing. I am going to try to be more patient with her. She will be studying loads and I know from her prelims that studying = stress = fly-off-the-handle DD.

Ok, plan of action is to tick off the days I manage to say nothing about the state of her room in the same way I do days left to work

My kids were 16,14,11 and 10 when I was pregnant with DS. The pregnancy wasn't much fun. But as soon as he was born they were wonderful. Before he arrived I did explain to them that I wouldn't ask them to look after him, but I did expect them to look after their own needs (bring down washing, tidy their rooms, help out with cooking and washing up) I had a few moans, but they agreed. I found that I was much more relaxed with them once he arrived and they started to pull their weight.
They adore their brother and almost force me and H to go out and trust them with him.I settled him and we went out, It was the longest hour of my life and we walked around the block 10 times. But they were fine and felt that we trusted them.
My advice is to take a deep breathe when DD starts and remember that it is just a phase for both of you and it will pass.

Sorry op i didnt mean that to sound flippant.I just found that was the easier way to deal with it all.I found it hard to deal with the varied range of issues when pg,watching footy matches,choosing options etc all whilst coping with sickness and piles I had a hard pregnancy with the last one and tended to make sure i put time into myself as well as the other dc.
Fab help when they are born though. My dd1 was changing dd2's nappy when she had just been born whilst dh helped me have a shower. Best of luck.

Ledkr not at all. I think she probably will help out a bit more when the baby's here (I hope anyway). Never mentioned her room to her once yesterday!

Thanks Rainnie I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a 16 year old to:
-move her school bag from the bottom of the stairs
-hang up her own clothes
-tidy up her own mess (am constantly finding glasses and mugs sitting on the floor at the side of the sofa/in her bedroom/in her bathroom (4 at a time, some having had chol milk of hot choc in them, yuck!)

• put dirty dishes in the dishwasher
• put her dirty clothes in the washing basket

etc etc But even these seemingly simply tasks evade her. I think I've just been getting more hysterical about these issues as I expand (am finding it harder to bend down now, and have sciatica, which doesn't help) then when she gets annoyed at having been 'nagged', I get annoyed at her being disrespectful and lazy..... and that then becomes another argument.

I need to chill out. I am going to sit her down and explain that I am tired and sore and need her to pull her weight a bit more. Talk to her like a grown up instead of the nagging wailing banshee I appear to have become