What am I doing wrong?

[MotherOfSuburbia]

I am a SAHM to 4DCs 8,7,5 & 2 and am at my wits' end. We have a good home and a busy active life but any time spent at home seems to involve almost continuous fighting, especially between the eldest 2. I understand that siblings will always squabble but my children seem to look for things to argue about.

We're half way through half term now and have been out every day. While we're out and about doing stuff everything is fine, but the moment we come home it's back to the same old thing. I used to think it was because they are on top of each other as we lived in a 2 bedroom flat but we have recently moved to a bigger house where there is plenty of space and it just seems to carry on.

I have tried star charts, rewards and punishments. We follow them through but they just don't seem to be able to help themselves. It's getting to the point where I just don't want to be near them. I find myself getting really angry which doesn't help the situation. More than anything I just feel angry that what could be a lovely, happy family isn't working. I feel like it's all my fault and don't know what t do.

I have an 8 year old and a 7 year old who squabble all the time too.

My best strategy is to have a zero tolerance policy. I don't care whose fault it is (unless violence is involved). They have to the count of 10 to resolve any issues in a mutually satisfactory manner. Failing that, they both go to bed 10 minutes early. This is repeated for each offence. They could not believe it the day I sent them to bed nearly 2 hours early. Things improved a lot after that.

Of course you know you are not actually doing anything worng, you just need to find a strategy to be able to live with it!

It sounds as though boredom is at the heart of it. When out and about they're engaged so not fighting. Time to themselves and they squabble. I think you have to keep them busy on something. DM used to hand out the dusters and rubber gloves when DB and I got annoyed with each other.... nothing like a bit of domestic drudgery to make you think twice. On the flip side I'd also be packing them off to a few activities together. Alone together they get on each others nerves. In a room full of strangers they'd probably look out for each other.