Im having difficulty letting go. I know what I need to do and it's getting a little easier each day but I'm so very upset inside.
My son is 21 and after dropping out of uni, then a college course and couldn't pass his driving test (took it 4 times), he finally admitted he has a problem with weed. Last year was probably the worst year of my life. I knew he smoked but thought it was just the normal teenage stuff, just part of growing up and experiencing new things. When he came back from uni we set the ground rules again - no drugs in the house, keep to be paid, if he wasn't coming home to let us know. He works 4 days per week in a mundane job. I forgot to mention he's really intelligent but the "friends" he now has are - well, to say it as it is - a little mentally challenged. They all work part-time, three are drug dealers to make up their pay. Only one of them has a skilled full time job and he was special needs in school. His "nice" friends all went to uni and have moved on with their lives.
After uni, we did everything we could to help him to get on his feet - clothes, driving lessons, job, drugs counsellor - just trying to catch up so he could move forward again. We told him last summer that everybody has to earn enough money to support themselves. He was bringing drugs and paraphernalia into our home and that we had a responsibility to raise our youngest child in a drug free environment. We told him that as he chose not to get a "proper" job he then needed to either work more hours or get a second job. He chose to leave.
So, during that time he's started a relationship with the landlady's daughter and they live together (she's now 17). He's been off sick for 2 months and owes money to wonga. 2 weeks ago he told me to stop calling him and his girlfriend either. Hes fed up with my interfering. So that's it. His life is in a mess. We haven't spoken since that time and I know he's defaulted on his debt with 5 days to go before debt collection action starts. His account is registered to our house.
I was making myself ill worrying and have started to try and move on. But I feel like someone has died but full of anger too. I want to go to his house and kick and scream but he's not listening. Thing is, I think his head is seriously damaged after 5 years of regular weed. Its like hes still 15 hes so very immature. I know he doesn't love us, he feels very remote and it breaks my heart.
How in the hell did this happen to us all - we nice people and a "good" family?