Help needed for baby groups/play dates ettiquette with baby on the move!

[evelynevening]

My baby (7mths) is getting to the active crawling and exploring stage and I am finding it difficult to navigate the whole social area now with regards to his interactions with other babies.

Before it was much easier as he was happy lying on a mat playing with toys or sitting on my lap. Now he wants to be moving and crawls over to say ''hello'' to other babies and attacks their eyes or grabs their toys and starts chewing on them. I remove him but I am a little stressed as I think I will be constantly removing him from now on.

When and how will he learn to play more gently?

Would you let babies play with each other? How do you do this without them getting hurt?

Do you have any tips about setting appropriate boundaries and how to deal with babies without alienating the other mums?

Do babies of this age respond to simple explanations and instructions?

I don't want to be doing the wrong thing in regard to my baby's development and in regard to upsetting the other mums and babies.

My DS started crawling quite early and I felt similar to you - no more just nicely sitting while I drink my tea, now I have to police what he's doing (sigh).

Generally I would let DS interact with other children. If they're not moving, they soon will be. About the grabbing - well, we all tend to go "Other child was playing with that, why don't you play with this" but they all do it, so we don't stress too much.

Any poking, hitting etc I come down hard on with a stern "NO, we do not hit. Hitting hurts and you have hurt (child)". It's more for the other parents' benefit but I figure it will sink in at some point! I think I probably say "gently, gently" too quite a bit, and show him how a soft touch is nice.

Often though you'll find that they actually "play" quite nicely together, especially once more are moving around.

I think the tricks are to have plenty of toys and not have any precious toys out (like a bedtime bear or favourite book for example) as stuff will get chewed.

I'll have to come back to you on when they play nicer as DS is 17 months and although there is less poking at the moment, I think it gets worse before it gets better!

In addition to the above, you can barricade off any place you don't want them to go (eg near a much younger baby) with cushions, jumpers, what ever is handy. As the kids get better at rolling, crawling, etc these will need to become more substantial. But be prepared to have one eye on your DC til he is ~3 for various safety or social infractions.

The other parents will either be in the same boat and apologising frequently or jealous because their kid isn't moving about yet!

I spent hours and hours teaching DS to stroke so now he mostly just goes and strokes the other babies, I let him do this. If he hits or pokes I say no firmly and move him away.

hardboiledpossum how old was your DS when he started getting it? I'm trying the same with 9 month old DS and our cat is the willing victim (I don't know how she endures it...) but as of yet he still pretty much grabs and pulls rather than strokes..

yes this is just the inevitable next stage. its ok at friends' houses but harder at coffee shops etc. With friends, best thing is to sit on the floor with them - you can still chat but can swoop easily if needed. If your friends have similar aged babies they'll understand and forgive any minor injuries - it'll be their's next time.

I think about 9 or 10 months. We'd hold his hand and stroke our faces with it and make a cooing noise, and do the same back to him. He now thinks it's a great game

Ours is 17MO and still just bashes heads or snatches toys from younger cousin who is 14MO. They barely interact really, they just pull toys off each other. Both kids are fine with older children who can involve them in play, and basically supervise and entertain the younger child in the same way a parent or older sibling would. Older children are often able to focus on entertaining the younger child, but little ones can't entertain each other in the same way, as they are completely self centred and simply aren?t able to think about the other child's needs, so they tend to walk/crawl over each other, bump into each other and basically act as if the other was not there, unless the other has a toy they want and then there are tears and tantrums! I understand that this is normal till at least 2 years old though. All you can do is try to prevent head bumping and tears. Distraction with other/similar toys helps but you may still find they want the exact toy the other has, but only whilst the other child has it! To be fair our LO is like this with us too - we have a set of two maracas but should I dare to join in shaking one of them whilst she is shaking the other, she lets me know immediately that she must have both maracas right now!