do you stop ill relatives holding your children or just accept that they will get it anyway?

[jellycatqueen]

My MIL had an awful cough recently and was meant to be coming over. I asked that she didn't as she had been quite ill and we wouldn't like DD to catch it. She insisted it wasn't contagious, apparently a doctor said so and that there was no reason for her not to come. She came and insisted on holding and kissing DD. within a few days DD was ill. (DD is 4 months)
DD hadn't been around any other ill people and shes been coughing and has had a cold for over a week now and is still really unhappy :(
I'm just wondering what the norm is, do most of you accept that kids get ill and let them or is it best to avoid when possible?

oh and she was contagious - the rest of her family then caught it, she just was desperate to see DD.

Bit of both tbh. I'm not precious about it, try a compromise where possible but with a 4yo who brings home 4,000 germs a week, I sort of let it go. My dbro has 3 dc, one is always ill with something or other. When I plan a visit to them I always factor in dd and ds falling ill 3 days later.

I did a bit of a compromise when dc was 3 weeks old and dfil had a stinking cold.
I asked him to wash his hands well and turn his head away when coughing and not to kiss the baby. everyone happy.

I have a 2 week old DD. When she was 5 days, I had to spend a day in hospital traipsing around different wards because of a suspected bloodclot (I was fine). I hated having her exposed to all those ill people, but felt it was better than the alternative, I'm breastfeeding and day 5 would've been too soon for us to spend the day apart.

A couple of days later, my cousin tried to invite himself over to see the baby, but as they have 2 DCs who'd stayed home from nursery/school the previous day due to being ill, I basically came up with an excuse to postpone the visit. As nice as it would've been to see them, it wouldn't have been worth DD getting ill.

I would let them come, but not hold the baby. I assume your MIL was lying about what the doctor said? It seems a bit selfish to inflict your cold onto s baby just so you get a go at holding them.

By 4 months I was quite relaxed about colds (although would be irritated in your position as your MIL lied to you) as they seem unavoidable, but I would probably try to keep a small baby away from anyone with anything worse.

By now (17 months) I figure that as DS puts everything in his mouth, licks hideous things like trollies, touches lift buttons etc that it's impossible to shield him from illness.

OO, apart from coldsores - I would never let anyone with a coldsore kiss DS.

I have no issue with telling sick people to stay away from young babies...yes there comes a time when catching things is inevitable, but i feel it is my job to protect my children from known hazards.
As far as i am concerned, if a person is so inconsiderate/selfish as to not care about introducing their infections to my DC, then why on earth should i care about upsetting them by telling them to stay away until they are better.
I hope your MIL is feeling very guilty now and bringing pots of nutritious food to your house so that you can look after your sick baby....what did your DH say to her btw?

I think respective changes after the first child. I was the same with no 1 and used to get anxious at play groups if anyone had a cold (often!)

With no 2 who is 8 weeks she has already had a cold as no1 goes to pre school and germs fly like crazy. It didn't seem as big a deal though.

I do remember a sign at the hv clinic saying that the average baby gets 10 colds in first year of life. My first didn't but I wasn't out as much. This time i'm at the supermarket, toddler groups etc.

I actually thought a cold was most contagious before you got symptoms so you're not always sure who you actually catch it from. But that might be folklore.

I certainly wouldn't stop family members seeing a 4 month old if they had a cold but then it would be pointless this time round as i'm out and about a lot.
I'd be careful with a newborn but by 4 months i'd resume normal life.

I would however be cross if I was lied to!

I would have said no way. Of course babies will pick stuff up, but there is no point in putting them in harms way is there. Not so young anyway. Stupid, selfish MIL. Who doesn't have to deal with the fall out if your ill baby.

My DH is just very forgiving of her, and I dont think hes as bothered as hes not had to deal with a sick baby. She said yesterday 'oh it couldnt have been me I havent seen her for nearly 2 weeks'. DD has had it for around 10 days, and its only just going. She woke my DD up yesterday from her nap so she could show her off to family over skype... this sums up my MIL. Sorry rant over!
Thanks for your insight to what you all do though. Next time I'll be a bit more forceful about no kissing and stuff. :)

Depends what they have tbh. I tend not to worry about a cold - we're out and about all the time with other kids, and my DD is at preschool so there are plenty of cold germs doing the rounds whether we see poorly relatives or not. If it's something quite unpleasant (D&V especially, or anything particularly grim) then we tend to cancel visits, or at least ask that people don't hold the DCs. That said, most of our relatives seem to make that decision themselves so I've not had to tell someone IYSWIM. Also, all our relatives live pretty close so it's not a problem to cancel a visit.

In the first few weeks I might have asked relatives to wash their hands first but at 4 months I wouldn't really have cared. I've been taking DS to baby/music/toddler groups since he was 2 months so he is always coming in to contact with snotty children and also seems to have a bit of a cough/cold lots of the time which doesn't stop me from going to groups.