Which is harder? Parenting vs Marriage?

[alessthandomesticgoddess]

Which is more difficult for you? I find marriage/relationships more work due to the fact it is a completely seperate person who you can't control as much. You have to trust them, make decisions with them, live with them, love them all while mainting a sexual closeness and (for me) monogamy.

You?

Definitely parenting. I had no problems in my marriage until kids were born. I find being a mother a complete drain on my personal resources. I have lost who I am in becoming a mother and resent this a lot. I also preserved a sense of self-esteem, confidence and ability in my marriage before children.

Marriage is harder for me. Especially the compromising when trying to find middle ground on subjects we have different opinions on. Having been a single parent for many years I was used to making all the decisions and generally being 'in charge'.

However after I learned about compromise I felt like a grown up, discovered an easier life and DH is relieved he doesn't have to run the gauntlet with me anymore!

My marriage is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes, it is the most important thing in my life.

I love my dc so much, but I feel that they are only going to live with me for a certain point. I will always be there for my dcs and their dcs, but the one I want to live with for the rest of my life is dh.

Exactly bubbagump

Parenting within a marriage

We'd just got to the point when we were completely happy in our relationship and then DS came along and threw it into turmoil! You can get to the point when you overlook each other's foibles, but as soon as a baby comes along they're magnified. For example, whereas before i was used to DH's tendency to impatience and tolerated it, when it's directed at our DS it really gets on my nerves.

Happily, for the most part we've adapted and are very happy. But i think i underestimated the impact having a child would have on my relationship with my DH.

Children are completely separate people too, and as they start off with very little ability to do anything independently or show any consideration for others, then there is a lot of guidance needed. One would hope that in choosing a partner, you go for someone whose established characteristics do not cause you problems.

Parenting. I chose my husband, and I knew him very very well before I married him. He's my partner in every sense and always a support.

I love my children very much, but I didn't get to choose them carefully to see if we were compatible. I didn't know them before they entered my life, and even if I had, they're changing constantly. They demand more from me, and I can't (yet) expect them to show much empathy for me, or give me space when I need it and so on.

Depends who you married, doesn't it?

Parenting definitely the most difficult here, no question. Marriage is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes - feeling that it's a partnership in brining up the DC.

Mind you, I'm very unsure about OP's comments about control.

Agree with matana. I found marriage a breeze until the DCs, especially DC2, not so much DC1, as we could still have time to ourselves with just one. Now it's relentless - no time for each other as a couple.

Parenting. It never seems to end yes it gets easier in some ways as the children get older but harder in other ways.

Me too, surely children are separate people as well?

Parenting. DH is, for the most part, a rational being with at least some regard for social niceties. DS, not so much.

I dodn't mean to say that children weren't separate people. Bad choice of words on my part. I already had a DD when DF came into our lives and we have a DD together too so maybe that makes a difference.

Agree with everyone who said Marriage and Parenting combined. I can manage one or the other, both together is a challenge!!

yes yes trying to keep a marriage going whilst looking after 2 small DCs, I'm finding it very very hard. Although it is easier in some ways to have DH's help with the kids, sometimes it is easier when he's not there, then I don't have to take into account what he wants to do as well.

Does anyone else find that although it is nice when DH/ partner is off work (ie holidays) it is actually quite draining to feel constantly responsible for everyones needs? Do men ever feel like this

I'm not constantly responsible for my DH's needs we work together. Although I agree I do sometimes just like a day to myself.

Yes I find it frustrating that on weekends I end up feeling even more tired and err frustrated because I have to accomodate DH's wishes as well! Thurs and Fri when I am on my own with the kids I just get on with it, but at the weekend, my expectations are so high that I will get a break, we will all have a good time together as a family and when it doesn't end up like that, it is worse than being on my own with them.

parenting - at least with DP I am dealing with a rational person who can explain his feelings / needs etc. DS (2.5) and DD (9m) can't do this. Also DP does not need to do everything for him 24/7 (though occasionally it feels like that ). If you and DP fall out you can agree to give each other some space, thats not possible with the kids, when they're this young at least!

Parenting, just that wrench when I worry about her. And plus I feel I have more control over my husband than my DD.