When did children become in charge?

[quitehappywithhubbythanks]

When did the social dynamic change when parents have up control to their children?

My children have human rights- doesn't mean they can always do what they like. I have human rights- doesn't mean I can always do what I like. We all have to function within our society and my job is to teach my children how they can do that as well and happily as possible.

Mine are old enough to have a say in many family decisions, but also old enough to understand the limits of their current rights and responsibilities.

DD isn't in charge, but we are quite child centred. These are different things. She doesn't choose what she eats (other than by not eating what is offered) there are plenty of things she isn't allowed to do (primarily for her own safety) and things she has to do even if she doesn't like them (brushing her teeth etc). But on the other hand we don't spend much of our time doing things she wouldn't enjoy as I don't want to spend my time with a grumpy, whinging toddler.

The un convention is actually quite a good read and people should be familiar with it.

i think as alot of us have smaller families now children's voices are heard a little more, not always a bad thing imo.

I am in agreement with Cory. We all live in this house. We do not share decision making equally, because my daughters are still not only 11 and eight, but their views and rights definitly count. I would not, for instance, hit them; but do point out they legally have to be educated.

My dc aren't in charge. I will listen to their point of view and they in return must listen to mine but ultimately DH/myself have the final say. They aren't teenagers yet so time will tell if this 'reasonableness' will continue .

UNCRC talks about rights and responsibilities. My DD has the right to be heard, but the responsibility to behave in a civilised manner.

Sounds like the OP is parenting a teen . They all think they're in charge and you're terribly unfair!

You do know that it's possible to enforce boundaries while still respecting your DCs as people in their own right, right? Because I see a lot of sneering at this as though it's a ridiculous suggestion and a 3 year old would be allowed to spend the entire shopping budget on ice cream or whatever. No. There is a difference between bringing up your children with respect for them which is no less than respect for an adult just because of their age, and just saying "yes" to everything because you can't be bothered to deal with the fallout.

Too true.

Only yesterday, I walked past a house to see two twin babies wrestling their mother to the ground and smacking her because she was annoying them and they hadn't had enough sleep.

I think BertieBotts has it spot on.

I don't know, Bramshott. I find dd far more reasonable and willing to listen to other people's pov now she is a teen. And though ds hasn't quite reached this level of maturity yet, he is certainly more civilised at 11 than he was at 10.

BertieBotts is absolutely right of course: respecting somebody as a human being doesn't mean turning yourself into a doormat for them to trample all over.

Hmm, that's interesting cory. DD1 is only 9 so I don't (yet) have first hand experience - I am sort of dreading her becoming a teen, but maybe I don't need to be!

True bramshott

I think the teen years suit some families more than others; some teens (and their families) really struggle with the new freedoms/responsibilities, others find it's a relief to be growing into themselves.

I was far more relaxed as a teen than as a younger child. What I craved was independence and at 16 I could see that it was only a couple of years away; it no longer seemed worth making a fuss about things because I would soon be adult and on my way. My parents were very good at letting go, but I sensed that it was because they could trust me, so it was worth keeping that trust.