Sons are so hostile to DH

[eisbaer]

"daddy go back to work!" "daddy don't touch me!" "no!!"( when daddy attempts a cuddle), ignoring of said daddy when he comes in, general disinterest in daddy- anyone have experience of this. My 3 sons have a fantastic, gentle, loving and fun Dad who is so happy to do stuff with them and the 2elder ones(3 and 5, youngest is only 8 wks)diss him at every turn, would never show him affection etc. anyone have experience of this, and did it change or is Oedipus our fate? Any comments welcome, kinda gets me down for him!

Ignoring him you can't really combat but if they're being actively rude ('diss'?) then you have to tell them off. Right now, the boys want you to themselves, are competing for your attention with the baby and probably think DH is just another person with a claim on your time. Set them straight. Will probably help if you can arrange it so that DH is in sole charge of all of them for a while... taking them out for full days and leaving you with the baby, for example. If you can arrange to take a long weekend away and leave him to it, even better.

I'd say it is definitely the baby that has changed the equation.

In particular, I wonder if DS2 is suffering the classic middle child syndrome?

It was like this before baby, since DS1 could talk, but I think you're right that it will help to do stuff with dad on their own. Think DS2 is more just naturally clingy with Mum, and the eldest is prob just resentful of DS2, DS3(in a way) and DH as he's always been a hijacker of mum's attention. Just hope it changes as they get older, I did read that sons start to need and idolise their fathers from 6 onwards, wondered if anyone had experience of that.

I feel bad for my DH, as DS (2.8) always shouts "Go away Daddy" etc as yours do when he comes in from work. He's not like that all evening/weekend, but definitely for an hour or so to start with and off and on throughout the rest of the time. He does happily play with DH often too, but it's not nice for DH to be commonly rejected. DS is really a mummy's boy. It's worse, though, in the week when DH is at work (I'm a SAHM). DS is better with DH during the weekend or after a few days off eg over xmas. They're actually out together at the mo. I think it's linked to ds knowing that I am a constant, whereas DH comes and goes and of course being only 2 ds doesn't understand the working week timetable yet!

I have a friend whose DH works offshore 4 wks then 4 wks home etc, and says her dcs are often really horrible to their dad for the first few days after he comes home, even tho they talk about him and miss him when gone. It is just part of childhood confusion about stability I suppose...?

I guess the more dedicated time that your dh can spend with your DSs, without you there, will just help them to bond more although it will be a gradual process.
Actually a friend of mine said her ds, 2.6, is a real daddy's boy at the mo. Then I learnt that since having their dc2, her dh has always put her ds1 to bed, spending about 45mins doing bath/teeth/stories/lying next to him for a bit on the bed and talking about their day. I guess that has something to do with the new 'daddy's boy' thing.
What a waffly long post - I hope it makes sense! Good luck.

"Just hope it changes as they get older"

Rather than hoping, take a lead. It's always nice to think that the children like you best but you have to tell them to go to their father more if you want things to improve.

I up until now have taken the approach of not tolerating rudeness but not making a big deal of it, as I thought forcing the issue would just turn them off more, you know how fickle kids can be and I stand by hoping that this is something that will evolve of its own accord. But I do think the idea of subtly getting them to do more fun stuff with Dad without me is the way forward, as they always enjoy things they do together and he does bath and stories already, takes them out at weekends but maybe not to fun enough places(errands, haircuts etc, oh i'm starting to see where their negative associations might stem from!!) thanks very much for info and giving this some thought on my behalf

'If you're rude to daddy he won't want to play with you'

'Oh poor daddy, I'm going to sit on daddy's knee and give him lots of cuddles because he's upset you were rude, go away boys'

'I'm off for a couple of hours, have a lovely time with daddy [peel children off legs]' [slam door]

repeat regularly until they turn 6 and start doing this to you

open paper and enjoy peace

Yes, try and make the weekend trips with dh fun, not jobs - park, woodland exploring, bikes, lake, beach, museum, science centre, petting zoo, whatever's near you... Take out annual membership to things like that near you so they can pop in and out whenever without paying (if you can afford it up front). Just local park with bikes for just an hour on sat and sun will start to help I'm sure.

But of course he'll have to engage with them while out - cheer them on riding bikes, race them, explore with them etc, not just sit and read the paper in the park while they play! :)

It's just a phase, they are still really young. I think it is a good idea for him to take them out by himself (if not just to give you a break!!!). Mine are 5 and 7 and daddy is the hero and I am the drudge!!!

I had the world's clingiest mummy's boy.

I'm not entirely sure what changed, possibly the fact that both dh and ds are sport mad, possibly the fact they're both boys, I have no idea.

But dh and ds spend virtually every weekend doing a 200 round trip to football, this week they're going to football and cycling (at the vellodrome (sp?)), and I think I am no longer a requirement. Of course ds still loves me, I know that, but daddy is by far the chosen one. he's nine now btw.

Aw, so much solace in these posts, esp the last one. Totally think the trips out to fun stuff will help, and loving hearing that the situ changed with time for another dad. No doubt I'll be raging when the four of them are out for pints in years to come and I'm not invited!