SAHM - Learning and Early Years

[SootySweepandSue]

I'm a SAHM and very dedicated and happy in my choice...however I am developing 'angst' as some of my WOHM buddies frequently mention how brilliant nursery is and how their DC are learning and developing.

DD is 18 mos and will start her 15 hours nursery once she is 3.

Now I do heaps of stuff with her. Dancing, baby gym, art stuff, playgroups, music. But I am beginning to wonder if this is enough. Yes I said I was anxious...

I guess I want to find out what nurseries are actually doing. When are they teaching numbers, alphabet, colours ? Not just teaching but what other stuff are they actually doing?

Is it possible to get a copy of the early years thing that they follow?

My angst is maybe because DD is August born so will be at school at 4, but I also want to make sure I am making the most of our lovely time together. My mum was also fabulous as a SAHM (terrible cook though and hopeless at cleaning), so I just want to do the same.

Anyone else feel the same?

Why should anybody else make a better job of showing your DD the wide world than you will?
OK they've got certificates in all manner of childcare and education, but do they really care in the same way that you do?
Growing up isn't a race to be won and the first one to get to be able to do all the tasks is the winner. Its a learning process, to be enjoyed - and it doesn't just involve reading writing and maths.
Will the pre-nursery take her out jumping in puddles after the rain? Build a snowman if there's enough snow for one? Go finding treasures of leaves, berries and flowers in the park? Roll down grassy banks following a picnic? Show her the joy of an unexpected bright idea? Maybe, but you can.
Why not enjoy her company and her develoment while you can, alphabets and numbers will come when she sees you using them and wants to learn more. Socially she will meet children and adults with you, learn how to share and play co-operatively and far more besides. And she'll probably learn a sense of self confidence from you that no-one else can really show her.

If you're lucky enough to be a SAHM I say enjoy it - I did!!

Thanks Elbow! That is great advice. I'm not that bothered about reading and writing but it seems many nurseries are doing that sort of stuff. And so many mums say to me 'well I could never do at home what they do at nursery'...it just makes me wonder. I do get though that DD can do anything I want to do with me. I was thinking camper van across America the other day! Not sure DP would approve though ...

Neither of mine went to nursery until they were 3 and got their funding.

i was the same when ds1 was this age. all my friends went back to work, their babies/toddlers went to nursery and i carried on doing the rounds of toddler groups etc.

ds1 started nursery last september age 3 and i'm sure he's the only child who had never been to nursery/childcare but it's a really good nursery and the only thing that may have held him back is the social side of things. he's struggled to make friends and talk to other kids but he's not the only one. i took him to a group that was laid out like a nursery and to sessions where he had to follow instructions and routines from another adult so he was as prepared as i could get him.

the last few months before he started i worked on numbers, some letters, shapes etc and was amazed at how much he picked up from books and talking about things at home.

That's interesting naturalbaby. I'm just hoping they can catch up. I do wonder whether reception teachers can tell the difference between the children that have had FT nursery for 3 yrs and those that just hang out with mummy. But I think I need to decide that it doesn't matter and I'm doing the best I can....

Was talking to a teacher friend the oter day - she said the ones with SAHM's generalley had better speech development than others in the reception class. You can give your children one to one attention, a nursery can't.

Whatever you do as a parent I think you always beat yourself up. I suppose its called being a mum! I don't think a day nursery could ever replace being with a parent every day, that's just my opinion, I wanted to be my child's teacher - in an informal way, of course. Your child at 3 will love nursery and will set her up for school, and you can devote a bit of time to yourself. I am a SAHM to three, and yes, sometimes its frigging hard but they are happy and I am glad I have chosen to do it this way.

Sounds like you do loads of stuff with your dd. I really, really wouldn't worry! They don't need to "learn" anything while they are so small, they just need to explore and "be". The park is a whole learning experience in itself.

I don't think you should worry. My neighbour and I gave birth to our DDs the same week. She returned to work full time while I stayed at home. She would tell me endlessly about how brilliant her nursery was, even going as far as to say my DD was at a disavantage as I couldn't possibly give my DD the equivalent of a nursery 'education' at home. She used to talk about how 'advanced' her DD was compared to mine (based on the ages they walked!)

I don't like to boast so I won't but let's just say my neighbour has learnt to keep her mouth shut now. I think she was possibly just feeling insecure about returning to work though.

That's an interesting comment above from the teacher regarding speech development. My cousin's MIL taught primary 1 (scottish reception) for many years in a small town where everybody knows everyone else. In her experience her 'top tables' were almost exclusively children of SAHPs. She was disappointed when my cousin returned to work as she felt her grandchildren would be at a disadvantage in nursery.

Here's a link to EYFS as you asked for it OP.

Since DS was 1, he's been at nursery for 3 days a week, then only his 15 hours, and now he's full time so I feel we've covered all bases!

They've always done "Group time" at nursery, covering the date/weather and letters and numbers and recently DS is saying they do phonics but I think this is for the older kids only (he's 4). They also do French and a sports thing that DS loves! The rest of the time is given over to lots of free play and some structured things, like painting.

I do think his nursery is brilliant and that he's getting lots out of it, especially now he's older. However, if he was at home most of the time, just doing his 15 hours, I'm sure he'd be getting on just as well. He might miss out on the French lessons that he gets at nursery but we'd be able to do other things instead, like swimming lessons. And I don't feel that French lessons for pre-schoolers are essential, before anyone jumps on me. It's just a nice added extra that our nursery offers and that DS really enjoys.

Nursery is particulary good for developing social skills but I don't know if sending a child any earlier, or for longer, than the 15 hours at 3 has any additional benefits, if you see what I mean. DS is really good in group situations, for example we went to a museum at the weekend and went to a demonstration where the children were asked to sit still. DS sat nicely and followed instructions where other children of a similar age were not paying attention and running around. But to be honest, I'm really not sure if this is a result of nursery or just DS's nature.

Anyway, just thought you might want a WOHM perspective on it.

If WHOMs didn't think their nurseries were good, they probably wouldn't spend lots of time telling you - and (if they had the choice) they wouldn't send their child.

It's true there are loads of things nurseries do that you couldn't at home. But the reverse is the case - there are loads of things you can do at home that nurseries can never do.

I don't even think you need to 'do' stuff with them. Doing the washing, shopping, cooking, cleaning, visiting friends is education enough.

Sorry but I nearly spat my tea out when I read the post about sahp children having better speech when entering reception. Do you really believe that to be the case?? There are so many variables to this that the mind boggles anyone would believe it to be so simple.

I couldnt care less if you are a sahp or not but please dont make ridiculous claims.

I'm a FT working mum and tbh wish i could go part time as i feel i should be there more for my 15 mo DS. In reality i do a good balancing act, working from home twice a week and spending as much time as possible with my DS. But it doesn't stop the guilt and as someone else has said, you feel guilty whatever choices you make! For the record, i chose a CM to look after my DS because i believe they suit young children and babies better and provide the one to one consistent care that is important in the early months. I am not averse to nurseries but believe they can be an expensive and inferior option if you don't get the right one. That said, my niece is 2.5 and goes to an excellent one twice a week and has definitely benefited from being around other children. I suppose i would say that your LO may be of the age when she'll benefit from interacting on a more regular basis with other children her own age and i think they get a lot from that. So, in other words, don't base your decision on education at that young age, but perhaps from social interaction istead?

But you know her best and will know if/ when she's ready. Don't just do it on the basis that it works for someone else - it needs to work for you.

Lots of old stereotypes being peddled on this thread. There will be some sahms who do stay in and watch jk all day, whilst there will be some wohms who still find time to take their dcs to the park and splashing in puddles!

Fwiw op you sound like a wonderful mum who is doing a great job. Just have confidence in your beliefs and decisions. I say this as a wohm whose 12.5mo ds is in nursery 2 days a week!

I think that if you had to fill forms and write down everything you do with your ds it would look very impressive. Everything looks different when its written down.

As for counting and alphabet you don't need to do it in a formal way but counting your steps in your garden, his shirt's buttons when you dress him up, the pasta shapes when you eat etc.

Physical activities: walks, park, collect leaves, getting confidence on the slide, balance, running, hopping etc.

Creative activities: finger painting, free play in the garden, messing with sand/mudd, feel/touch/smell, baking/mixing bowls, dancing.

Looking at books, story telling, chatting.

Eye-hand co-ordination.

Pretend play

I'm sure you do the above, as i said it looks different written down.

Or, Setfire, they could just actually be really pleased with the childcare they found?

OP, I work part time, and so when my DC were little, I worked when my child had her free funded hours (plus another morning when she was cared for by my mother) and so have no bias in either direction...

The main thing I found that my DCs got out of nursery was the socialisation aspect. My DD2 in particular went to a fab nursery which was great at teaching her to share, play with friends, compromise etc so when she started school in September, she walked in as a confident, happy child. DDs reception parents evening report said that she was excellent at sharing, negotiating, compromising - all things they put a lot of emphasis on in her nursery and I'm thankful to her nursery for that.

I also found that they plugged the gaps in the things I don't like to do. For example, they did one project where they made jam sandwiches, another time they made and ate a crumble, another time they made and ate bread (I never ever do home cooking etc). They also did a project on pets - and brought everything for the children to see from a tortoise to a horse! For transport, they got a tractor ride, and went on the back of an army truck and so on... She is now in reception, but still talks fondly of her nursery time. A couple of her friends have said that they would rather be back at nursery than at school.

In addition to reading Steve Biddulph who is against childcare, I would also suggest that you read some of the work of Professor Dorothy Bishop of Oxford University and Professor Kathy Sylva, also of Oxford University. They are child psychologists who challenge some of the lies theories these self styled experts peddle about the risks of childcare, and tries to establish what, if any can be empirically established.