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Parenting

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Original poster

Has anyone had a really positive experience of being one of three?

24 replies

DitaVonCheese · 10/02/2012 17:21

I think DH and I have more or less decided, much to my surprise, to stop at two DC rather than the three we always thought we'd have.

One of my reasons is that DD and DS currently have such a lovely relationship (though they are only 3 and 6 mos, plenty of time for it to change ) that I can't bear the thought of screwing it up by adding a third child. I was the oldest of three with two brothers who were closer in age than me and middle brother and I've always felt a bit left out. We also told a friend that we were thinking of having three and she just said "Ha, neither of you were the middle child, were you?!"

So, had anyone had a really nice experience of being one of three? Is anyone close to both their siblings or do you always get one left out?

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DorisIsWaiting · 10/02/2012 17:35

I was one of three girls all fairly close in age (23months between me and middle sis and 18mths more to little sis).

We did argue and bicker (alot) our house was always noisy but mostly fun (although I have three girls now and my father looks and dh and just laughs and says the word puberty!).

We did tend to play together but it varied from day to day as to who was the 'odd' one out.

Now we have really good re;lationships even though we live at opposite ends of the country I still consider them amongst my properly best friends.

woopsidaisy · 10/02/2012 18:19

Hi DitaVonCheese. I had never heard all the negativity about 3 siblings until I came on here! I was a middle child, elder sis, younger brother. I was always the peace-maker in the family, the other 2 used ti kill each other!
No we are all very close,although we live in 3 different cities. In times of crisis we are among the first to call each other.
I have 2 sons-5 and 7yrs. The fight lots-but will band together when up against it! We are expecting DC3.
A friend of mine -who had just a brother-said to me once to never have just 2 kids. She felt her brother and herself were constantly in competition with each other...and most of my friends who are from family of 2 kids,don't tend to get on as well as the 3 sibling family. I think 3 kids tend to band together like a little group!
My DH is one of two kids-his sister drives him nuts,. They are chalk and cheese!

Mumofjz · 10/02/2012 20:14

i was the younger with a sister 8yrs older and brother 12yrs older, never bothered with them until i hit about 18 when i could start going out with my sister drinking, though we're in our 40's now, i consider her one of my best friends, not seen/heard of brother for over two years - but that's what he is like!

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wigglesrock · 10/02/2012 20:29

I never heard about "middle child syndrome" until Mumsnet My husband is the middle of 3 and he never felt disadvantaged by it whereas I am the elder of two and feckin' hated it

I had dd3 a year ago almost and its the best decision we ever made, my age gaps are quite similar to yours as well.

ByTheSea · 10/02/2012 20:32

I'm in the middle of three (within 5 years). When we were kids, younger DB used to get on my nerves but slightly older DS is and has always been my best friend really. Now, we are all close and there is a lot of sibling love with us. We have weathered storms together (our dad's illness and death) and been supportive of each other all our adult lives. I wouldn't trade DB and DS for anything.

south345 · 10/02/2012 20:34

I am the eldest of 3 (2 younger brothers), we were always fighting then fell out for a few years, now me and the middle one get on ok and see each other regularly as we both have kids and i help them with childcare but I don't see the youngest as he has drink/drug problems (which i dont want my kids to be around) and I don't get on with my mum and he lives with her.

I still want 3 dc (have 2 ds' so far), never felt left out we are all 3 very different people.

reddaisy · 10/02/2012 20:41

I am the middle child!!! And mum still says she wishes she had had four as I was always left out. But I don't remember being left out and she said I didn't care because I was such a bookworm. We weren't close at all growing up and were often at each other's throats, I mostly wanted to be an only child.

My DB is two years older and my DSis is three years younger than me and they were thick as thieves but we are all really close now even though they both live abroad. Skype is great! I currently have two DCs and I can't decide whether to eventually have a third, part of me thinks it is more balanced with two but when we did get on, I did love feeling like one of a "gang."

maydarnaychild · 10/02/2012 20:57

Nope. Never had a positive experience being one of three!

picc · 10/02/2012 21:02

I'm a middle child.
I have such wonderful siblings (sister an brother), and we're all still close.
Cannot imagine being without either of them.
We argued some days, got on well other days.
Usually 2 of us were getting on at any one time, and the other was being "left out", but the left-out-person changed all the time.
You get to choose who you're horrid to when there's 3 of you! ;-)

PopoonezerScrooge · 10/02/2012 21:09

DH was the middle child of 3 & is very close to both his sisters (and always has been).

I am the youngest of 4 and hate it. I'm still "talked down to" now - as if I'm too young to understand what the "grown ups" are talking about. I'm 38 BTW .

cory · 10/02/2012 21:24

I liked being the middle child of 4.

YuleingFanjo · 10/02/2012 22:37

""Ha, neither of you were the middle child, were you?!""

I think being the middle child is brilliant but I don't necesarily think that's a reason to suggest everyone has 3 children. I think age gaps may make a difference, or personality or anything really. I was close to DB in age and in friendship for much of my childhood and think DSis, as the oldest, may have felt left out at times.

But really I just wanted to come on to say being a middle child isn't the curse a lot of people seem to think it is, IMO.

Ciske · 10/02/2012 22:48

I'm one of three but I can genuinely say it has not traumatised me in the least. If I'm honest I think you're overanalysing it a bit.

Original poster

DitaVonCheese · 13/02/2012 23:24

Thanks for all the replies. Not sure if my OP was very clear - I wasn't really worried about middle child syndrome particularly (though had heard of it pre-MN!), it just seems logical that adding a third child to DD/DS's current dynamic would change it.

Really though I was just musing over the fact that the only two people I'd ever heard expressing an opinion of being one of three were fairly negative about it (and feeling a bit left out after just learning that my DBs are going on holiday together).

OP posts:

Oblomov · 14/02/2012 10:14

I can't believe you would make such a momentus decision, whetehr to have a third child, based on such utter nonsense.
I am the youngest of three and was entirely happy.
Besides you don't get to choose which number child you are, do you? You don't get to choose your family dynamics. They are what they are. And you work it best you can.
On this thread alone you have seen people who :
love/hate being eldest
love/hate being middle
love/hate being youngest.

What does that tell you? It tells you NOTHING.
Imagine if you took one of the MN'ers who hated their 'position' and swapped them over with one of the ones who loved their position. Would it have been different? Who knows. Now we are getting into the age old classic question of genetics and environemnt - natuve v nurture. There have been very good books on this.
I think you need to give this all some thought. And then let it go. And make the decision as to whether or not to have a third child, based on something more solid reasoning than this 'old corker'.

jasminerice · 14/02/2012 10:17

I was the eldest of 3 and I would never have 3 DC's because 1 will always be left out. In my family it was me . I think even numbers work best.

EMS23 · 14/02/2012 10:20

My DH and I are both youngest of 3 and although our childhoods were different we both loved it.

iseenodust · 14/02/2012 10:25

When SIL announced she was pregnant with no.3, 3 of the 4 grandparents to be were rather rude not exactly ecstatic as they had all been the youngest in families of 3. However her 3 have grown up to be good mates (uni age now).

Bluestocking · 14/02/2012 10:30

The only reason to have another child, or not have another, is whether you want another or not. Of course bringing another sibling into the mix will change your two older children's relationship with each other, and with you. It's also important to remember that their relationships with each other will change through time - through most of my childhood, adolescence and early childhood, I couldn't stand my sisters, but I quite like them now!

Bluestocking · 14/02/2012 10:30

Early adulthood, even.

Original poster

DitaVonCheese · 14/02/2012 11:07

'k I said it was one of my reasons. I have several. DH has others. Thanks to those of you who have managed to reply without making me feel like a dick for starting the thread. Back to lurking I think

OP posts:

matana · 14/02/2012 13:51

I was the youngest of three sisters - 7 and 10 years older than me. There was never a dull moment in our house growing up and i'm very close to both of them, but particularly the 7 years older one. It was just a very 'normal' upbringing really - lots of find memories as well as some not so nice ones. A 'typical' family if you like. We spent lots of time together, and still do.

matana · 14/02/2012 13:53

oops, "find" = "fond" obviously

lovechoc · 14/02/2012 19:13

DH was one of three and he said someone was always left out at some point along the way growing up. However I was one of two and loved it growing up, never had any bother. DH and myself decided to stop at two because it's an even number, and the two DC have one another growing up. I've a hand each for them to hold - not quite possible with more than two children!!

You also have issues of having to divide more of your time between them, the more children that you have. The thought of having to deal with more than two lots of homework/activities etc, I just couldn't imagine that.

Can understand OP's decision, tbh. Seems a very sensible one. It appears many couples I know are having three because it's a bit of a fashion statement these days. Very few couples I know have stuck with just the two.

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