Negative emotions affecting my toddler, feeling really guilty

[Rockerbaby]

I started to miscarry on Sunday. I went to the hospital yesterday and had the miscarriage confirmed, I've been having difficulty processing how I feel about it all and have essentially disconnected from most things. My husband is being very supportive. This morning is the first time I have had to take my son to the childminders and I am afraid that my negative emotions are having a detrimental affect on him. He cried a lot this morning and I was unable to pacify him, I didn't really try to pacify him, I just let him cry whilst I got his stuff ready. He did stop crying after I picked him up to put him in the car, but after we got the childminder's it's about a 5 minute drive from our house, I looked at his face and he just looked so sad. He usually flings himself out of the car seat, he just sat in it, barely any eye contact and I just know my emotions are having a negative affect on him. I have barely interacted with him over the last few nights, I feel so guilty and I don't know how to be better around him. I don't know why I'm finding this so hard, I was only 6 weeks pregnant and I know we can try again. Does anyone have any advice?

Oh you poor thing. I can't imagine how difficult things must be for you at the moment.

At times like this, try not to beat yourself up about it too much: perhaps letting your toddler see that it's OK to be sad will help him learn to deal with his emotions too?

You don't say how old he is, but perhaps you could try talking it through with him and explaining that mummy is feeling sad right now (you don't have to go into details), and that sometimes things happen that make us feel this way.

I'm not sure that I've made much sense.... But I'm so sorry for your loss, and hope that you find a way to get through this difficult time.

Thanks for writing. He's too young to understand, he's going to be 1 on Saturday...We're supposed to be having a party, but don't really want to have lots of people over, but don't feel it's right to cancel it...

Sorry about your bad news. I know how grief & shock can blot out everything else if you're not careful. I think you have to try separating your feelings from your actions a little. In front of your son, make a special effort to be as normal and cheery as possible and save your grief for when he's not around or after he's gone to bed. Talk through how you're feeling with friends or your partner as much as you can. Seek counselling if you think that would help. The 1st birthday party is such a special thing for your family. You can make it more low-key than you were possibly planning but, on the other hand, it may also help you to put your feelings to one side temporarily in order to enter the spirit of the occasion. Diversion can be therapeutic.

Ah OK, he is still very little - my youngest will be 1 tomorrow, so I understand that reasoning with them at this age is really not possible beyond the simplest things.
I agree with CogitoErgoSometimes that perhaps diversion would be therapeutic, at least in the short term. A low key birthday celebration might bring a little momentary distraction for you all, and it would be a special time for your son, too, when the attention can be focused on him. It might bring you some joy too, to see him having fun.

Sorry about your loss OP, it must be so hard. DS is 1 next week so I know exactly how much energy and attention they need. I think Cogito is right, but also just wanted to say that a few days of mummy not being 100% will not have a long term impact on your DS. Don't beat yourself up, even if he understands something is wrong, he will be back to normal as soon as you feel better too.