A very clingy 4 year old girl!!

[sazzler197]

Hi Everyone

Just after some advice really, i have a little girl who has just turned 4 and a 16 month old boy! My little girl is extremely shy and always has been, she had been very painfull when taking her to pre-school and would not settle for ages, It's her 2nd year there now and she seems to enjoy going now but her teachers say she does not speak at all at school, she will speak to her friends but will just nod and point at stuff if the teachers ask her stuff!! At home she does not stop talking and can be quite bossy!! I took her swiimming lessons for the 1st time the other week and she got in the water but she wouldn't speak to any of the teachers (not even to tell them her name) she said she loved it when she got out, but come the next week she would not get in the pool, clinging onto me for dear life and things so she didn't get in, she now saying she does not want to go at all - do you think i should carry on taking her!! Her next lesson is due today but she had a bad night coughing in the night!!

She is very whingy most of the time and if she dosen't get her own way can get very mardy and frustrated, i don't know if it is something i am doing wrong or not, she still has a dummy which i know she shouldn't have but she is so independant on it, and she still likes to be snuggled before bedtime, i know i really need to break these habits it's just doing it!! Do you think me babying her a lot is making her feel so shy and not confident??!! She is due to start infant school in September and hoping she will be better by then, anyone else having similar problems?? She used to go to bed great when she was younger but since her brother has been born she wants to be snuggled too at bedtime!!

Any advice will be much appreciated, am i expecting too much of my 4 year old??, all her friends seem to be moving on with swimming and dancing lessons, but she hates both and does not want to go! Just don't want her to get left behind but what can you do if she has not got the confidence??

THanks for reading xxxx

I think, all along the way, being a parent is a fine-line compromise between keeping them close and pushing them away. On the one hand we like them to be safe and happy, on the other we have to expose them to new experiences and encourage them to be independent of us. Of course she has to go back to the swimming lessons. Unless the cough is an actual chest infection, the hot steamy atmosphere of the average pool will be very therapeutic. Think you also need to keep going with the dancing lessons etc. There's a lot to be said for 'stickability'!

For the school problem I think you need to keep talking to the teachers and see what they suggest. It may be they're not worried. It may be that they stop acknowledging the nods and points quite so much. It could be that a teacher could do a home visit and they could chat on her turf.

Just turned 4 isn't very old but, even so, I think you have to work things so that she starts to see the advantages of being the 'big girl' rather than a helpless baby. 'Big girls' go to big school (where babies aren't allowed), don't need dummies, can read a book in bed as a treat (or whatever

IMO both swimming & dancing are non-essential for a 4-yr-old who dislikes them - "all her friends are going" is fine for them if they like it but really not fine for her if she doesn't. There will be plenty of other little girls also just starting those things later on

The bedtime snuggling, dummy etc indicate that she is currently feeling very insecure, for whatever reasons - in the 8 months until she starts school she will grow up a lot anyway, so I would drop attempts to widen her horizons until she's much more ready.

youngminds.org.uk can be very helpful

Thanks everyone for your replies, it means a lot, well i took her swimming again today and she point blank for the 2nd time refused to get in the pool, she was crying and everything, so i do think i am going to stop taking her and maybe try her again in a few months when she is a bit older! I have got a long way to go with her though, you don't know if your doing right for doing wrong do you? Being a parent is hard work isn't it! Just hope her confidence picks up soon! xx