I shouldn't be so lucky, gosh, what's wrong with me?

[PeasforP]

DS is almost 11 months, today I bit his thumb by mistake as we were eating cheese on toast (he was feeding me); then, this evening as we finished dinner, I took his bib off and unclipped him from the seat (a handyseat, so no tray or front part) and then went on to grap a cloth to clean the table (!!!), as I got to the sink I realized what I had done and ran back just as he was falling from the chair via mouth-to-table knock whilst holding a fork with his hand, I grabbed him before he fell completely, but he had bitten his lip when hitting the table. What the f**k is wrong with me?
Sorry, cannot tell dh this so had to unload somehow.

Hey. it's OK. You caught him. This does NOT qualify you for the Evil Mother of the Year award. Horrid, though, isn't it?

I sometimes think I should start a thread called 'Days I nearly killed the children but was lucky enough not to.' So far it would cover
--locking one of them into the house and having to call the fire brigade
--letting the 10-yr-old sail off with the 5-yr-old without first checking if the safety boat was running (it wasn't)
--driving off when one of them was climbing into the car
and rather a lot of eventful cookery.

Oh, and decanting an unstrapped child from the pushchair into the road; and lifting one of them from the bottom bunk to crash his head on the top bunk...

Oh thank you lancelottie!! I wonder what would win one the prize though
Is that why people have more than one child? because inflicting all your clumsines on just one might actually be dangerous??

i managed to lock mine into my car, with my mobile, so had to wait for twenty minutes to be released by my Mum, whose number I only remembered in a massive adrenaline panic! Happens to everyone. Don't stress!

Hello OP, just having a wander round MN tonight and found your thread.

Last week I took DD 5 to ballet. I let her out of the front door and told her to wait for me by her car door. Which she did. Good girl.

I locked the front door, got in the car, put my seatbelt on and by the time I'd started the engine heard a frantic little voice shouting "Mummmeeeeeee" and turned to see her worried little face peering in at me through the passenger door window. Bad mummy.

Totally forgot to put her in the car!

I think I must have loads of tales like yours from many moons ago, but my mind has suppressed the memories in order to protect me!

He survived. It happens. It's not like doing something knowingly stupid and life threatening like dangling him over a balcony 10 floors up or anything.

My 14 mo DS has fallen off the bed twice, once when he had tonsillitis and was feeling particularly sorry for himself; rocked himself forward in his bouncy chair when he wasn't strapped in and i turned my back for a minute to get something out of the fridge (he was at an age when i didn't think he was yet able to pull himself up to sitting) - the first thing i heard was a thump as he rocked himself forward onto the floor; got hold of a glass tealight which smashed and he promptly cut his finger. And he's bumped his head numerous times.

I don't consider myself a bad mother, and in some ways little accidents are nature's way of teaching our little ones that some things in life are dangerous and when mummy says no it's probably with good reason. In fact sometimes it's the only way my DS will learn when he completely ignores me saying 'no'.

I clipped Ds1 into his bouncy chair when he was about 2 months old and somehow caught his skin in the clip too. Cue us both crying. More recently DH has shut DS2's fingers in the front door. Stuff happens, don't beat yourself up.

Today, I was getting dressed and ds (18 months) was pottering about the room, I left the wardrobe door open and was only alerted to this by the sound of ds retching as he had tried to eat a candy smelling lush bubble bar that had been in a shoebox in the bottom of the wardrobe. I don't think he swallowed any but he now smells very "pink"

Other recents include falling off the toilet seat lid, falling over the baby gate (it's not on stairs, floor is the same level either side) after he used a chair to get up there. He also fell and got stuck between the back of the sofa and the wall

The worst one though, even though ds wasn't hurt was the time we were out for a walk, I was pushing the pram on the side nearest the road, ds was on the inside of the pavement. I stopped to kick a leaf that had got stuck to the wheel and when I looked up ds was in the middle of road and a car was heading right for him. I immediately ran out and grabbed him an everything was fine but I spent the next week an emotional mess because i nearly killed ds because of a leaf!!!

I think ds is probably thankful I leave him with someone else while I go to work. It's probably a nice break from almost being killed.

I am sure i should not be laughing hysterically to all those stories, but somehow from the distance they are funny, sorry.
Magneto that is scary, well done to you for your quick response!
Sparklingbrook i did that too, just not yesterday so forgot about it! how awful!
matana he's also fallen out of bed, three times! the first one by learning to roll during the night (lie), he was very young .
Please don't call the social services.

It was the first time I understood that maternal instinct thing properly, there was no thought, no consideration of the fact that I too would be putting myself in the path of a car. I just did it, I understand now how parents can throw themselves in front of bullets/fires/sharks etc to protect their children.

I'm going to do some owning up too...

When ds was a few months old i was cutting his nails and somehow managed to cut a flap of skin off instead of his thumbnail he's now 2.6yo and we still both hate nail clipping time...

When he was about 8 months i was doing a big shop and as i put the bags on the pushchair it upended and left a very bewildered upsidedown ds crying at the till whilst i was all shocked and flustered trying to figure out what had actually just happened.

Yesterday I thought he was having a tantrum in the hallway so i left him to it, after a good 5 mins off him bawling his eyes out I went to try calm him down and it turned out he had locked the stairgate to the kitchen with him on the wrong side so was crying because he was stuck!

And i also found out today that for last month or so i've been telling him off and putting him on the time out/naughty mat for what i thought was him going to hit, but it turns out one of his nursery workers has been teaching him to thumbs up high 5 then do that touch me thing (where u put ure fists out and touch knuckles) and when he did it to him it clicked that he wasnt trying to hit at all it was that stupid hand thingy. pleb.

PeasforP I'm so glad I'm not the only one laughing - I have tears running down my face! Is is ok that this is the funniest thread I've read for ages? So long as all the dc's are fine of course

I left my DS in the car for 10 seconds and he locked himself in.
DD slid down her highchair, under the tray and then got stuck
DS2 rolled his bouncy chair over on top of himself whilst I was having a wee.
DD was in her pushchair, I put some shopping on the handles, was looking in my handbag the buggy tipped backwards and fell over
I cut DDs ear whilst trimming her hair and DS skin whilst cutting nails

This all sounds awful, Pls bear in mind this is over a period of 14 years, before you judge me and give me the "shite mother of the decade" award.

Drama queen DS shouting "Help help, someone help me"

I was getting dressed and ignored him. After a few minutes I thought I had better check.

Found him lying on the floor with the stair gate on top of him! He could have got out himself but he looked like he'd survived an earthquake!

When he was younger I decided he wriggled down in his highchair. I decided he would be able to get out the bottom. Except he has a big head and got stuck. I couldn't get him out either way. I had to drag the highchair whilst supporting his body, to the tool drawer and unscrew the tray. That was the scariest I think

(also had - rolling off bed, tipping out of pushchair, falling down stairs)

And why can't you tell your DH? My Dh has been responsible for a few of the above!

I have locked bot DCs in the car at some point, once in blazing midday sun; temp in the car must have been > 40c. Other high points include: running over DSs foot in the car, I panicked and reversed back over it; did that throw baby in the air and catch again... sort of caught him on my shoulder then he landed on his head ; DS burned his hand on the iron, I had switched it off and forgot that it would still be hot. I used to have a child seat on my bicycle, DD was in it, I forgot and just got off, bicycle, baby seat and baby fell over. Talking of baby seats... I put DS in his car seat, strapped him in, but didn't strap the seat in to the car
I'm amazed they survived really

I overtook a car the other day without checking my rearview mirrors first. Around 45mph. I know it sounds irrelevant, but I could have easily killed me + DC1 with that lapse.

Nothing bad happened but I kept having this niggling feeling afterwards, until I worked it out. If I dwell on it I'll never sleep again. I think life is full of close calls, really, if we all thought hard enough about it.

Had completely forgotten about the time my DS pulled a bookcase on top of him too! He just lay there on his back, covered in books and ornaments, looking somewhat perplexed but essentially unhurt.

Still laughing here, sorry. I think because these things are so scary when it turns out ok they are ridiculously funny.
Can't tell dh because in the moment I panicked and lied! sad I know, but true.