think I've really upset 3yo, what to do??

[MamaLaMoo]

She woke up early, 6.30am and was grumpy right away. Then started taking toys off her 6mo sister. I asked her to go and pee before getting all her clothes on and she jumped up and down and said no, finally got her on potty and she jumped up and knocked it all over the floor.

At which point I raised my voice "Oh you silly girl!" and sent her to stand in her room while I cleaned it up. Bless her she said sorry unprompted but has been very sorry for herself and quiet all morning. Nearly knocked her breakfast over which got another stern response from me. Then threw herself on the floor and refused to go with lovely childminder when she came to pick her up.

I have hugged her, told her I am not cross and I love her lots and that I do silly things too sometimes (with examples), she had tears in her eyes as she left.

Feel dreadful.

Why do you feel dreadful? She was being daft, she got told off. She is annoyed because she got told off. She is 3, she knows she was being daft and that mummy is not going to be happy that she refused to go for a wee and knocked her full potty over!

Strap on a pair OP. Kids don't particularly enjoy being told off. That's life.

Sorry for herself and quiet means she didn't enjoy the experience. Which is the whole point because she'll think twice in future. Try not to overcompensate out of misplaced guilt. Raising a sociable, pleasant child means sometimes getting annoyed with them.... nothing to feel guilty about whatsoever.

DD had a horrific infection in October and was in hospital for 15 days, nearly lost her right eye. This followed baby being in hospital for a week with severe reflux and the inevitable angst of new sibling. After all this I got PND quite severely although this is better now thanks to antidepressants.

I couldn't stay with her in the hospital as had 8 wk old baby, DH stayed. I've been sensitive to her relationship with me (maybe overly so) since all of this. She went through a period of several weeks after the hospital stay of having nightmares every night and being very clingy during the day. I am worried about hurting her feelings. You are right, this is just a normal little person doing a daft thing and getting disciplined.

Parenting is bloody hard, I feel every single knock physical and emotional they experience. I feel guilty for all the crappy stuff that has happened over the last few months.

pictish pair of...?

boobs?
glasses?
gloves?

maybe you could try strapping on some manners

Kids are great at pushing buttons and using the guilt card. You are being played! Get used to it

Oh you poor thing Mama - that sounds really tough :( None of that is your fault though, you know that.

It takes time to get over that kind of trauma and stop treating your child with kid gloves (I've been there) so it sounds like you're doing just fine. You are treating her normally and her reaction will slide off you eventually. If she was really worried about your love for her, she wouldn't be silly in the first place. That's when you need to start worrying but that sounds like typical 3YO behaviour to me :)

If you don't want to know, don't ask.

Sorry about all the tough stuff you've been through recently btw - but I don't see that it really has any bearing over the potty incident. You reacted as any parent would given the same circs.

My kids get told off too. It's part of being a parent. If you are agonising over something this trivial, then she's going to end up running rings round you.

You seem to miss the point, I am not worried about what I did, I have no problem with discipline, I used to be a teacher.

I am concerned by her reaction. If this is normal, fair enough but she is my first child and as I described we've had a tough time recently. She doesn't usually take being corrected quite as hard as she did today.

Totally normal IMO. Like I said

It's a normal reaction for her!

It's totally normal. Who likes being told off?

If you used to be a teacher, surely you know this? That kids react badly to being told off.

I have to agree with everyone else. Get a thicker skin.

Ach - maybe you were sharper in tone than usual?

Sometimes when we are trying desperately to get organised of a morning, we can get a bit of an edge on us....after all, when you are making the effort to get out that door on time, the last thing you need is a potty upended through silliness to deal with. We've all been there.
I'm not a shouter in general, but occasionally the end of my tether bcomes frayed and I'm sure I sound quite the hag when it does.

Why not take 15 minutes out to read a book with her when she comes in....cuddle up and do a favourite. I'm sure she will have forgotten all about it later, but to take a little time out to spend with her, will reassure her if she hasn't.

I didn't mean to sound scathing particularly....I just think it's a non issue because being on my third now (she will be three in a fortnight) I've been there a good few times, and know it isn't something to beat yourself up about or agonise over. Parents are human too, and sometimes these things happen.

Good luck!

MamaLaMoo - totally normal. Just because you've been a teacher doesn't mean you don't react differently to your own child. It is far easier to deal with someone elses child and not be emotional about it. Perhaps with the PND you are just a little more sensitive than usual. Its all OK, she will definitely learn!

When my DC was 3 he was adament he wouldn't wear his coat when we got to the zoo. It was freezing. No amount of gentle pursuasion or telling would move him. So, he got very very cold - red nose, blue hands. Gingerly asked to go back to the car for his coat. Every time since when he has refused to listen to our advice we remind of the 'coat incident' - he does as he is told far more often now.

I really felt like having a second baby interfered with my relationship with my first, in all sorts of ways. I've now got 3, but still feel like my bond with the first isn't quite all there.

Talking to friends, many seem to agree that it's inevitable. When you have your first, you and your partner are completely there for them, but with the second, you, as the mum, look after the baby, and the big child goes off with their dad. Child 1 and dad get great relationship as a consequence.

It sounds like that is what you are going through at the moment. Don't fret about it, it already sounds like you're having a tough time and stewing won't help.

Mama, I really relate to what you're saying. I had a separation from dd1 when pg with ds as I was I'll in hospital. In lots of ways I feel as if I've been playing catch up e we since. I couldnt look after her how I wanted to when pg, then had baby. I was probably depressed and felt guilty all the time and over interpreted lots of stuff I did. The thing is, you can only move forward with your dd. guilt, hard as it is to put aside is unhelpful and destructive. I had cbt to help and although I still struggle with dd1 a lot, I am better. And have had third dc. The people who are saying today's potty thing is trivial are right, but I understand where you're coming from having over analysed a million of dd1's actions and responses.

DD1 has always been clumsy so when I learned that the attitude is to keep calm and soldier on I wasn't impressed! However, if you keep kitchen roll/spare tea towels etc around for spills, the way I deal with it now is to say nothing about potential spills until they actually happen then say something non-blaming like "you know where the cloth is", keep breathing and let her clear it up. It's not a perfect solution but the problem with telling DCs off is that it sort of offsets their 'guilt' and they don't feel the need to correct their future behaviour. If they clear up after themselves (and at first it'll take ages!) they learn that there are consequences which is better than just feeling guilty and/or stupid about their mistakes and the possible resentment build up. Hope that helps for some of the problem?