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Parenting

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Original poster

after school activities - how many?

28 replies

milward · 23/01/2006 10:50

Met a mum today in the supermarket whose dd is in same class as dd1 8yrs. They are both in the top level of the class. This girl's mum explained her list of after school classes for her 2 kids. They do 2hrs music, 1hr language, 1hr dance & 1hr sports. My dd does 1hr tennis & dd2 does 1hr dance per week. My kids are bilingual so it's ok with lang.

I wish my kids could do more but I have a dd3 who's 2.5yrs & a ds4 who's 17 weeks to look after. My dh works long hours.

Just felt like I wasn't on top of giving my kids things to do. Anyone else like this? & what do you do about it?

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starlover · 23/01/2006 10:56

i think youi should let the kids do what they want.
some kids these days seem to have their lives packed full of "activities" and never just have time to play by themselves or relax at home.

if your kids are happy iwth what they are doing that's fine! if this other lady wants to be ruishing around and spending god knows how much on activities every evening... well... that's her choice!

either way i don't think it makes a difference to the kids... you don't have to fill every minute of the day with things to do

sandyballs · 23/01/2006 10:56

Too much IMO - let them chill after school.

anniebear · 23/01/2006 11:02

sounds fine what your Children are doing and sounds too much what the others are doing

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Enid · 23/01/2006 11:03

some kids cope well with it, some dont. Dd1 gets weepy if she does more than 1 playdate, her hour's ballet and swimming plus school in a week - I think that is more than enough for her. Her bf does ballet, piano, horseriding, swimming, french and tennis (they are both 6) and thrives on it.

soapbox · 23/01/2006 11:11

My DC's afterschool clubs are all organised at school. They must attend 3 a week minimum and most of them run from 3-3.45pm.

DS(5yo) does drama, handicrafts and football

DD(7yo) does tap, choir, handicrafts and drama.

DD also does ballet on Sat morning outside school.

The list of clubs change every term so they get some variety - but drama and tap are permanent fixtures and DD has kept these up!

It is nice to pick them up at 3.45 when they've finished their clubs - they like them because they are with their school friends.

The only thing that bothers me slightly is that it means all their life (except sat ballet for DD) is based at school. I am intending for DS to start rugby on Sat am, so that will give him an outside school class as well!

lucy5 · 23/01/2006 11:14

My dd does 45 minutes ballet a week and seems happy with that. I think the other mum must be running around like a mad woman. I suppose it depends on your kids, my dd is a bit of a homebird.

LeftOverTurkey · 23/01/2006 11:26

None. Both ds's let it be known that they had quite enough of being organised during school and that was more than sufficient, thank you very much.
ds2 (8) said he quite enjoyed piano lessons when he got there but he hated knowing he had to do the same thing at a certain time every week. So much for kids liking routine.
So swimming lessons stopped as soon as ds2 was good swimmer and piano stopped too, he wasn't practising enough anyway.
He is a very sociable animal and didn't want to miss out on anything his friends were doing. This has actually stood him in good stead as he is now very confident and socially able.

Hallgerda · 23/01/2006 11:28

I'm not sure about the concept of "giving... kids things to do". Mine all do activities they actually want to - my problem's fitting them all in. My eight-year-old does swimming, goes to the after-school chess club and plays cricket. He'd like to learn the trumpet but I'm having trouble finding time slots - we've only got one day free for playdates as it is. (DS1, age 11, does swimming, after-school art club and chess club, cricket and piano, DS3, age 6, just does swimming.)

I agree with other posters that if your children are happy you are not failing them, and that children need practice in making their own entertainment which they don't get if they're spending all their waking hours in classes. I wouldn't worry about the other mum's list of classes for her children. But I think your baby DS is failing in his duty to make a big fuss in the supermarket to distract you from falling into conversation with people who might make you feel inadequate!

HappyMumof2 · 23/01/2006 11:37

Message withdrawn

Original poster

milward · 23/01/2006 11:39

lol hallgerda!! - she commented on ds4!! how contented he was in his babysling!!

Interesting reading the responses - thank you.

I think it's that I want to give my kids a go at many different activities but with the having 2 kids not at school yet (dd3 goes to a pre-school) it's such a run around. After school we come home & dd1 is busy with in her room - she loves reading & experiments! & dd2 does drawing or whatever. dd3 is tired usually watches some tv before dinner & ds4 is busy bf or being entertained by his big sisters. Just couldn't manage to drive all over the place with all kids in tow. I suppose it's the need to do everything put against reality. If I achieve half it's ok!!!

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beejay · 23/01/2006 11:50

God sounds like they a busy enough schedule already! Personally I only let my dd do two things max a week as I don't want to wear her out. What do your kids want to do?

Original poster

milward · 23/01/2006 13:35

Hi beejay - music lessons. I'm trying to find a teacher to come to our house so that the 3 can have lessons one after the other or all together - as the teacher would advice & my kids be happy with.

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Original poster

milward · 23/01/2006 14:05

but I feel bad that I can't sign them up for music lessons at the music centre as I'd never get there with my other kids. This mum has 2 kids both at school so is more able to take her dds to activities.

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Dinosaur · 23/01/2006 14:09

This is a sore point in the Dinosaur household at the moment.

DS1 goes to swimming on WEdnesdays after school, which he loves, but he refuses pointblank to try any other after school activity, which is a shame as his school offers lots of clubs.

I feel like he's missing out, but don't like the thought of insisting that he goes. He's only six, after all, and on the autistic spectrum to boot.

NotAPooEatingZebra · 23/01/2006 14:11

6yo: 1 hr footie 1x/week. Only for next 9 weeks.
4yo & 19m old: nothing structured.

I have felt very insecure about how little extra-curricular my kids do compared to others, but am beginning to get over it; some kids only want to do free play outside of school. And it's awkward for me, too, with a shy 4yo, tired 6yo & wild 19m old.

pablopatito · 23/01/2006 14:16

Can someone explain to me what the benefit is of all these after-school classes? All I know is that as far as I remember I rarely did anything when I was growing up. I learnt the piano briefly but that was it. My dad taught me to swim and I played football and stuff with my brothers. But no lessons, no classes, no homework, nothing. But I remember enjoying myself and I don't feel any less of a person now I'm in my thirties? I'd love to know if they're all worth it and if I should put DS through it (he's 9 months old so a bit young yet)?

NotAPooEatingZebra · 23/01/2006 14:20

Not every parent is as good at teaching as your dad was, not every kid will learn as easily from their parents as they do from an outside "authority figure."

singersgirl · 23/01/2006 14:25

DSs (7 and 4) both do swimming once a week and karate once a week; I've told DS1 he only needs to carry on swimming lessons until he can swim a length of the big pool. DS2 loves swimming.

DS1 also does an after school drama club.

This feels like enough to me and too much sometimes - DS1's friends all do after-school stuff so sometimes it's impossible to find an afternoon when they can just play, coz they're not free on the same days.

Posey · 23/01/2006 14:25

Dd does swimming on Tuesdays, lesson but quite a social event too as half her friends are in the same class.
Brownies on a Friday.

compo · 23/01/2006 14:28

I just can't see how parents can afford to do an after school activity every day. Piano, ballet, swimming etc etc it all mounts up surely?

nikkie · 23/01/2006 14:36

dd1(6)-rainbows drama swimming & ballet
dd2(4)- swimming and ballet

dd2 is deparate to be 5 to go to rainbows and drama too!

Drama is expensive but my mum and my xh contribute to this

tbh I feel I am rushing but its not that bad,only swimming is hard work and that is the most important

LIZS · 23/01/2006 15:00

Mine do nothing regularly scheduled - ds goes climbing at weekends. Maybe in the summer or when(if) we move.

crunchie · 23/01/2006 15:35

My kids do 1/2 - 3/4 hr french (1/2 hr when they finally get started!)
DD1 does 1hr dance.
Sat am 1 1/2 hr stage coach - singing/dancing/acting.
They are 6 3/4 and 4 3/4

I wouldn't wannt them to do anymore.

LeftOverTurkey · 23/01/2006 15:45

Think it is great for kids to try out lots of activities - how else would they find out if they have a hidden talent or a passion for something? However, only if they want to and it shouldn't be seen as wasted time/money when they want to give up. Just let'em - don't think all these activities allow a child to develop social skills half as well as just plain playing with other kids.

pebblemum · 23/01/2006 16:05

My 8yr son stays after school 3 times a week,

Mondays = badminton,
Wednesday = Football
Thursdays = Healthy Cookery Club.
He also does Karate on Saturdays

It was his decision to join them and all the time he is enjoying them he can carry on. If he finds activities he would like to do after school on his free days then I wont stop him unless I feel it is getting too much for him.
I know my son would never do anything he didnt want to and I would never try to force him. I think children should stay children as long as they can and not be forced to spend their time doing extra things just because their parents think they should. Let them spend their free time having fun!

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