PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT A BAD MOTHER!

[MrsBigD]

I slapped dd's (4) bottom really hard this morning

Well she kept poking out her tongue at me and our nanny this morning when we tried getting her coat on for nursery. So I told her off for doing this.

She turns round and headbutts me ... her being her hight and me being my hight she got me just above the pubic bone and slam bang on my cs scar, which may be 17 months old but still rather sensitive to 'assault' so I doubled over in pain, which resulted in me leaning over dd and therefore I guess out of reflex I gave her a quick sharpish slap on the bottom...

She ran off screaming into her room, as mummy isn't usually a 'handson' person so she was probably totally shocked. I went in after her and explained that she hurt me and that's why I did it. Whether it got through or not I'm not sure but we did cuddle and make up shortly after.

Please tell me I'm not a monster!

blimey!!!! im more shocked that your DD headbutted you and she is 4!!! ...and no youre not a monster at all!!!!

Eh, I've never hit my kids, but I totally understand why you did what you did!

A four-year-old should know better than to headbutt people.

Is getting ready in the morning normally a difficult time for you? (I know it is in our house.)

Course you are not a monster.

I would apologise to her though (but I am very anti smacking).

Enid - I did apologise to her and explained why I did it... she hurt mummy and mummy reacted in reflex

NQC - mornings aren't usually very difficult. She has her moments which I guess is normal.

As for the headbutting... she's quite physical I'm afraid probably partially due to her little baby brother (17 months) being almost as tall and heavier than her and he's being very pushy at the moment, a la... snatching things, sitting on her etc. which of course we discourage but we can't really chain him up can we

Oh and dd prefers playing with boys who seem to be more aggressive. Not sure where she picked the headbutting up Had a word with nursery teachers to see what happens.

of course you're not a bad mother. My DS (also 4) has taken to head butting me when he's very cross/frustrated and I think a smack in reaction si probably an instinct - like self defence.
Glad you had the cuddle afterwards

Oh god mrsbigd - I could have written that. DD is 3.8, and on Sunday wasbeing verynaughty - pushed her brother so he almost fell down teh stairs so taht she could "win", and then had real toddler attitude when I was (very calmly) telling her off. I was kneeling down to talk to her, explaining in a very calm tone that it was naughty to push, and it didn't matter who won, (so far being good mummy) and the little madam just started at me and headbutted me right across the bridge of my nose. I'm afraid I reacted exactly as you did and smacked her bottom, and felt so guilty about it.

But I did say sorry - and made her say sorry to me, and we had nice cuddles. I think they are old enough to understand and I know in dd's case she was very shocked by my totally out of character reaction, hopefully shocked enough not to do it again!

Prufrog - my dd has this 'winning' issue too... she always wants to win, even if it's just finishing her joghurt first !!! Must be an age thing

This has happened to me several times in the last month or so . I never had much of a view on smacking in general, but when DH decided to try it out for discipline, and we had a toddler hitting us when we weren't doing as she said, we decided that it wasn't teaching her anything, so stopped completely, and life got easier...

Now, very pregnant, and every now and then she decides to lash out about going in her car seat, or the other day, putting her trouers on, and kicks me in the bump or spits at me It is then that it hurts, I lose my temper, and she ends up with smacked legs and me apologising lots afterwards. In some ways I feel like apologising to her seems a bizarre idea, but I am so angry and upset with myself for doing it that it seems right to say sorry for something I didn't mean to do.

Not that any of that was really needing to be shared, think I just needed to outpour

MrsBigD - I would've reacted in exactly the same way.

I think you were perfectly justified in this instance.I would have done the same.

I could have written this too! a few days ago dd (4.9)was having a strop about having to go to bed, I ignored the strop and leant over to kiss her goodnight and she came up and headbutted me right on my nose and I reacted in exactly the same way, I smacked her quite hard on her bum I felt awful and apologised immediately, she was so shocked because smacking is something although I'm not 'anti' to I very very rarely find cause to use.
I do think it is a shock self defence reaction, I know I didn't even think when I smacked her it was reflex.
It does feel awful but you're not a monster! I think a lot of people would react in the same way if they were headbutted.

xx

You're so not a bad mother. Or if you are I am one too!
I hardly ever smack my dd ( generally feel it is a counterproductive approach to discipline) -- but if I do it's only as an automatic reaction to her hitting or hurting me... happens once in a blue moon and i refuse to think that it does her any long-term damage.

I don't think there will be long term damage, but she looked so miserable when I left her at nursery this morning... they do know how to make us feel bad don't they