I have had enough of my children, and wish I had somewhere to go to escape my family.

[QuintessentialyHollow]

I am so tired and fed up, I wish I could leave my family. I wish I had somewhere to go.

My sons are 9 and 6. They are like thoughtless zombie puppies. They misbehave all the time. They dont listen to me. I am constantly embarrassed by them as they cannot behave when we are out in public. If you see two children playfighting with water bottles, or straws as prteend lazer swords, snatching each others hats, squeeling and shouting, while their poor harassed mum is trying to pay, or something, thats possibly us.

Or if you are in a coffee-shop, and see two boys figthing, pinching, licking eachother at the table, where the poor harassed mums word have NO effect whatsoever, that is also possibly us.

I dont know what to do.
Whatever I say, they dont stop. They just look at me for a second, giggle and continue.

Today my trousers, my jumper and my new merino scarf is soaked in coffee. I had told my 6 year old TWICE to sit still at the table and not lean on it. No effect. I am of course drenched.

I cant take them anywhere. They are totally unable to stop misbehaving. They are disruption personified. They are like the duracell bunny of naughtiness.

I think my only salvation is sending them to boarding school so I dont have to be their parent.

Quint it sounds to me like you really need that weekend to recharge your batteries. And it doesn't sound like a great family weekend anyway TBH. Can you rearrange for it to be just you, or you and friend, while your DH has the boys at home?

That could potentially have worked if it wasn't half term.... The only friend I could possibly have gone with (seeing as my best mate is 39 weeks pregnant) has two children and a husband who works away in the weekdays.
I dont know many people, and we dont have family to leave them with.

Dh is disappointed that I want to cancel.

Are they causing problems in school as well?

Do they behave at friends houses?

( try and get a couple of days away on your own if you can...a family break sounds hellish for you)

ds2 is not getting into any trouble in school. Aside from pulling down ds1s trouser and embarrassing him, but ds1 is not telling on him, so he is not getting trouble from teachers for this. This came to light yesterday.

Ds1 has problems settling into his class (I have a thread about that in behaviour and development). I am exhausted.

It just seem like an insurmountable heap of problems and I don't know how we can possibly tackle them all.

Oh I feel really sorry for you because you do sound absolutely over it.

You have had some good suggestions and nice responses on here, and I don't have anything v useful to add, but did want to say sorry for how you are feeling.

I agree with the not taking them shopping or to coffee shops. And I know you rarely do this and they should be able to manage, but they don't manage and it causes you a lot of stress so maybe just don't do this till they're a bit more mature. (I draw around my son's feet and take the cut outs to find shoes to fit rather than take him!)

Please don't cancel the spa trip before you have really thrashed out possibilities of making it work. If your dh is onto it (which he sounds to be) he can handle them during the weekend can't he?

Your husband will get over his disappointment. It is supposed to be your birthday treat and if you will be building up more resentment that the children are spoiling it, it is not a treat and it is not good for any of you. Do consider going by yourself - you are talking about walking away and getting some space from your family and here is your chance to do it safely.

The spa trip is midweek. . My birthday is on the 14th, which is a Wednesday. The plan was to go on Monday, and return on Wednesday, with us both taking time off work, and going away, rather than sending the kids to activities.

I used to think we had to do things together as a family in order to be a proper family. But it just didn't work. The DC's would compete for attention and fight with each other. I would get annoyed with DH for his different parenting style.

We now mostly tend to split up and take one DC each. It works! EVERYBODY is happy. You should do what works to make you happy. If splitting up the DC's is it, then just do it.

Sorry if I sound like I am hectoring you, but if you go alone your husband can look after the boys for a couple of days as he has presumably booked the time off work. We share a birthday BTW and I will be at work - which I am delighted about as DH is a teacher and will be looking after our boys

You are not failing as a family if you take one each, we often did that, alternatively you take turns to have them both while the other partner can relax. It's a phase and it will get better, but you have to get the discipline right now because while unruly 9 and 6 year olds are tough to handle, they will be impossible in 5 years time.
PS trampolining in the snow is great fun.

Everyone is offering brilliant advice (which I'm going to end up taking on board myself as I've got the same age gap between both my boys too). Hope you both get time to relax away from the children at some point, you really owe it to yourself more than anything.

I have had lots of good advice on this thread, that is true. I am extremely grateful so many of you have taken the time to post. I will put this thread on watch so I dont lose sight of it, there is a lot I can use in the future as a reference next time I struggle.

I am also realizing how amazing parenthood can be, if you are just mindful of the personalities of your children. We have created in our children extreme stamina, and they are now so used to challenging themselves, with long mountain hikes, wild camping, and several days walking across mountains carrying their own back-packs, long cycle rides, their bodies are itching if they are not active, I suppose.

We decided enough was enough, and we could not sit home and be sad because yesterday and the morning was so bad.
We did go down to the Horniman museum today. Had a lovely walk across the park, spent a few hours in the museum. Fantastic collections! Both boys were really eager and I think they learnt a lot. Thereafter we drove to a swimming pool and spent two hours in the water, the boys practicing butterfly and crawl, and just playing with balls and enjoying the wave machine. They are so much calmer and well behaved when they are kept active and challenged.

Maybe the spa break will be ok. We can go for hikes on the South Downs, and they have a fantastic pool to enjoy, and golf.

What a difference a day makes!! That's brilliant news that you've got on better today. Things are looking up for you, it cannot be bad all the time!! Chin up now, you can do it. Stay positive!!!! Us mums are all here to support each other :)

I think this kind of behaviour and the fall out from it is common this time of year. It is harder to get the kids out and active as often in the winter, and it seems to have been winter for ages.

I have two girls and they can be exactly the same as you describe if they aren't 'exercised' enough. It's hideous and makes you feel like a failure. I look at other people's kids reading and drawing, particularly girls , and wonder why mine are like coiled springs.

Glad you had a good afternoon in the end.

"He is stricter than me. I guess I am nice and considerate mummy"

There you have it. Your style of parenting isn't working - you need to look at that.