Bed Sharing

[londonmummy]

I am so surprised at myself. When I was pregnant I put the cot next to our bed and bought a room thermomator and expected to do everything by the book etc. But now my DD is here I find I am putting her in bed with us nearly every night. Not really intentionally but I feed her and we both fall asleep

It just feels so natural and it's easier to breastfeed her lying down and so on. But my husband keeps telling me off saying it's dangerous due to the risk of cot death. Also I'm a bit worried that the longer I let her sleep with us in the big bed the harder it will be to settle her in her cot.

What do other mums think?

How old is your DD?

Bedsharing (or cosleeping) is perfectly natural and safe, as long as you follow certain guidelines. Here is a good webpage on the subject.

I coslept with both my boys, and they now both sleep in their own rooms, perfectly fine. (DS1 moved out at 3 months, DS2 at 6 months.) You can change how you do things, as you go along.

I was just like you, londonmummy. But, in my case ds refused to sleep in his cot. The compromise we found kind of sort of works for us is that we got a cot bed, took one side off and put it right up against our bed. Now i can slide ds in and out as I need to. (Though he's mostly in with us right now...but that's a whole other kettle of fish!!)

I was a surprise co-sleeper too, londonmummy, I thought it was quite weird before ds was born! I found reading up about it very helpful and there are plenty of good books which talk about co-sleeping. Three in a Bed is probably the most famous. NQC is right, it isn't dangerous if you follow basic precautions and can even help to prevent against cot death - in some countries where bedsharing in common they don't even have a word in the language for cot death, because it simply is unheard of. Enjoy it!

Thanks guys, that's v. reassuring. Between you and me I probs enjoy the co-sleeping as much as DD (she's 9 weeks). I'll read up on it as you all suggest. I found the FSID a bit contradictory as at one part they say babies should always sleep in their cot and at another they say don't share a bed if you've been drinking (implying it's ok at other times).

I've seen that cot bed, cull, that you put against the bed and have thought about getting it, if only to keep my hubbie happy.

FSIDS are saying a. sharing a bed increases the risk of cot death and b. don't even think about it if you are drunk/take medicine that may affect your ability to wake up/smoke. So there is a general risk, but that risk increases by many times in those specific cases.

However, there are many parents co-sleeping who would dispute the first part of their advice. The second part - the specific risks - are still important to avoid, though.

Nobody really why cot death occurs so all the advice is based on different research where a certain condition has achieved a reduction in deaths. So, because sleeping on the back has reduced the number of deaths we have the advice: put them to sleep on their backs. Nobody knows how this actually achieves the reduction in death rates for sure.

So, so long as you are sensible, and follow the advice already mentioned in this thread re. not taking medication or alcohol beforehand etc. you will be doing all that you can.

As for problems with settling in the cot later, it is only a problem as long as it something you do not want to be happening. At the moment you are enjoying doing this. If you forsee a time when this will not be desirable for you or her then it would be a good idea to start doing something about this by about three months, no later IMO.

Of course, the more she grows and the wrigglier she gets the more your and her quality of sleep diminishes as a rule. I reckon that by school age most people have done with co sleeping.

There are lots of techniques for making the transition and you will find lots of help here if you want to make the switch from (your) bed to cot. It is tough going for many of us but worth it if that is what you have decided you want.

If you don't do anything about cot sleeping now it is no big deal. You could start at any age. The later it gets the more resistant they tend to be (and I say TEND!) but with willpower nothing is impossible.

Do what you feel.

londonmummy, I think my DH started out a bit opposed to cosleeping, but the thing is, he always got more sleep when we coslept. If the baby is outside the bed, they wake up, cry, whatever, and you have to go get them, and it's much more disruptive. If they're in the bed, they want boob, they get boob, end of story. No crying, no noise.

By the time DS2 was a few months old, I was doing feeds without waking up for them at all.