DS1 saw me swear at DH, push him and then cry - am so ashamed

[howardsway]

I am normally very patient and happy, have a temper which surfaces very rarely and disappears quickly.

I am pregnant with DC3 and thought I was handling it well but this morning I've realised all is not as well as I thought.

DS2 was being a tantrummy 3 year old, screaming his head the house down a) because I picked up a towel he wanted too and b) he was so busy screaming about the towel that DS1 got the cereal out of the cupboard, normally DS2's job. Anyway I had put DS2 in the living room until he quietened down and carried on with what I was doing.

DH who has no patience came down tried to placate DS2 which ofcourse triggered even louder screaming. Then he got cross and muttered that this only happened when I'm home (I work part time) which is probably true because we normally have a lovely nanny who wafts in full of beans at 8am on the days when I work.

Anyway something snapped, I physically pushed DH until he was up the stairs and hissing at him, called him a shit then shut myself in the living room sobbing.

So far so hormonal but I'm so ashamed that DS1 (7) who is very sensitive witnessed the whole thing. DS2 too busy screaming at the cereal cupboard again to notice anything.

I've apologised, told him that mummy is very tired, Daddy said something not very nice and I got upset. I said sometimes mummies and daddies fight just like brothers.

But it was such an extreme reaction from me, how can I explain it further. DS1 remembers everything and is very bottled up. He already thinks mummy and daddy fight alot (we don't).

All I can think of is DS1 having a horrible day at school because of what he saw.

Any advice ?

I would explain it but also tell him that you know it was wrong, and maybe reassure him that you will make sure it won't happen again by doing X, Y, Z? That way you're not minimising or excusing it, and it's also a good learning example for him, "Sometimes people lose control, and that's not okay, but we can learn from it and make sure it doesn't happen again, and we can forgive them when they show they care by doing this."

uve done the right thing and cheer up, ive had the same sort of morning except i was here crying on my own, im pregnant with my fourth one and i think my husband was really insensitive today. i feel terrible my eyes are still sore.

you takecare of yourself, your child will soon come to terms with it,

Is there a reason that DH isn't up on the days you're not working BTW? Sounds like you could do with an extra pair of hands in the mornings.

DH had just been having a shower. He wasn't ignoring us just being insensitive. Mornings aren't generally bad at all...DS2 is more likely to have a tantrum with me than anyone else but it doesn't happen very often and I'm very patient with him - he got put in the living room, I hadn't shouted just told him in a normal voice he could join us when he was ready to stop screaming. I think that's why I got so angry, its horrible to be criticised in such a general way when you think you are managing something well.

sorry justanuthermanicmumsday I missed your message.

Sorry you're having a crappy morning too. I have just done some painting with DS2 (clearing up was pennance) and we are about to make a chocolate cake for DS1.

Dh's can be such buggers sometimes can't they ? Not sure I really have the moral upper hand right now though.

Blimey. I'd have done much worse than that...

It's fine. If kids see the odd bit of conflict AND it's successful resolution, they learn.

Thanks Hully. It was an eastenders moment though. I can normally think of some kind of suitably cutting response without the hissing.

DS1 has such an unbelievable memory. Great for time tables / not so good for moving on.

Will have to work on the successful conflict resolution with DH.