Should I talk to this boys parents?

[tatt]

had a boy to play yesterday who was telling me - not for the first time - that he doesn't think his dad loves him because he is always shouting at him. The boy is not a sporty type, has a younger brother who is, dad finds it easier to relate to the younger brother as he likes sport.

Naturally I've reassured him that his Dad does love him and said things like sometimes we love our kids but don't like their behaviour at that time. Also that more is expected of older children.

Would you have a quiet word with the mother? I don't know them very well and I'd possibly have to phone as I don't usually see them without the child there.

if it were my child saying it,i'd want to know,but then some people might take it the wrong way and think your good intentions are interfereing.it is a hard one,but go with your instincts on the type of people they are.

Do you know the mum well?

No, I wouldn't. It may be sad, but it is not your problem and you might make matters worse. Is it just possible the child is attention-seeking?

I'ld say no too, as the lad would probably be mortified at best, and at worst it could make things more difficult for him at home.

Hmmmmmmm, tricky.
If it were my kid I'd want to know and would be very grateful to the mum for telling me. However, perhaps the mum has tried her best to stop the situation and it would only make her feel worse.

I think I'd try to find someway of dropping it into the conversation in a jokey way. eg...
'Kids betray you terribly don't they. My dd was saying she prefers her friend's mum's cooking to mine. Your ds says his dad can be shouty. You just never know what they'll be saying about you do you?'

I'm pretty sure its not attention seeking as this time it was said in the car, more to the other children than to me. But I do think he was seeking reassurance that his dad does actually love him. He's also told me his parents shout at each other a lot - dread to think what mine says back when I'm not listening but I'm sure they'd say all parents shout at each other

I'd like to find some way of saying to the dad spend some time with him by yourselves or just give him a hug now and then. It would be so easy for them to have a better relationship but because I don't know them well I'm wary of saying anything. I think I may have to try and get to know them better first.

That sounds really sad, but if you don't know the mum well it may be better not to say anything at the moment. The mum may be well aware of how her son feels and mortified if you raised it, or she might just think you're a nosy cow! Families function in very different ways and what horrifies one person may be seen as totally acceptable by someone else.

If my child said it I think I'd want to know but children do say all sorts of things at other peoples house so I'd prob only tell her in this instance if I knew her reasonably well. And I wouldn't make ANY comment about it.