HELP CRAZY PARENTS

[Maxine28]

Hello, Im 19 years old and i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is wonderful and i love him to pieces. We have a wonderful relationship and i wouldn't change him for the world!

HOWEVER. Both of his parents are horrible, they manipulate him and make him feel guilty for the simplest of things.
Originally when i met him he lived with his mum, who had a strange sort of addiction to him, where she would treat him more as a husband than a son. It finally became too much for him and he left at the age of 16 to live with me. His mum moved away and they are no longer in contact. I feel awful as i feel as if i provoked this, and he should still speak to his mum. The problem is that she cannot speak to him without playing the guilt trip and making him feel worthless.

After his mother left, his father returned from abroad. He had not had a relationship with my boyfriend for years but turned up 'out of the blue' and offered both me and my boyfriend a house to live in whilst he was away. WONDERFUL yes. However, nearly a year later his father has returned and given my boyfriend the ultimatum, either move away with me or you are out on your own. At 18 obviously my boyfriend wants to get our own place but his psycho dad is spiteful and manipulative and would probably disown him for doing this.

What the hell do we do???

Hi Maxine28. IMO I think your boyfriend's parents need to grow up. He is not a toy that his parents can pick up and drop. Has his father given any reason for his ultimatum and if he did disown your boyfriend, would it really be that bad? I mean simply because if his father wasn't around for a long time - he has to realise his son is now a man and capable of making his own decisions. I don't know what else to say (never had to deal with this exact situation). I think your boyfriend is more mature than both of his parents put together. Hope everything works out well for both of you, neither of you deserve this childishness. Good luck to you both.

Thank you, i personally don't think that his father disowning him would be a problem! I think what they do to him is evil and unfair, especially when my boyfriend is so nice. (I have no idea how he turned out this way with parents like he has). The only problem is that i have a very close relationship with my parents and they took my boyfriend in and look after him, i don't want him to miss out on a relationship with his parents as we all know that life is short. I am just so fed up with them playing all these games. It feels like we are in a lose lose situation.

you are both adults. live your own lives. you can involve yours or his parents as and when you want to. but stand on your own two feet and act like adults, then there is a greater chance that you will both be treated in that way.

the dad just gave you the place to live in whislt he was away for the year. you knew that. now he's back. presumably during that year you have been making plans as to where you would be living when he returned? i don't understnas why it's psycho for him to expect to get his house back when you were just borrowing it? less an ultimatum, more of a 'here we are at the end of the agreement', surely?

are you both working? live life for yourselves and get on with it. stand on your own two feet and you are not beholden to either set of parents. the ball's in your court, etc etc. when are you moving out?

Yes, we have been making plans to move out but we thought that we had more time. I have two jobs and i am at university so i am trying as hard as i can to save some money for a place. My boyfriend also works but he is just finishing a course so time is against us.

It's not the fact that his father wants his house back, but more of the fact that he arrived unexpected and told us that he was selling it. He offered to rent it to us for 800 a month, but obviously two students can't afford that as well as bills, he knows that and just said it to put into perspective how financially insecure we are.

He wants my boyfriend to move away with him, where he has offered him the same deal as before. (he will buy a house for my boyfriend to live in whilst he is away) however my boyfriend wants to do it himself but instead of his dad supporting him, he is trying to convince him that he cannot exist without his financial support.

We are both aware that it is going to be a struggle for us, but we are more than willing to try it. I just don't want everything to end badly.

then go through uni and look into student housing. have you been living rent free?

i understnad it's going to be a bit of a shock to the system, but if you are willing to share, then it should be reasonably easy for you to find a place to rent in student digs somewhere. most students are paying rent tbh.

i don't think you need to angst about it. it happened earlier than you thought. presumably as you knew it was coming and you've been rent free you've been saving for a rent deposit etc anyway.

just go to the student housing office and get them to show you what they have on the books. i'm pretty sure you can be all independent and moved in within a couple of weeks. there are always people looking for house shares.

it will be great to be independent and not be reliant on anyone else. then you can make up your own minds without any guilt or angst.