Feeling so fed up with a negative 9 year old...

[sensesworkingovertime]

So fed up today, just need to see if anyone else experiences anything like this with their DC. My DD1 has been so negative/ full of attitude today. Starts off in playground this morining, doesn't want to talk to anyone else and as usual no other children seem to want to talk to her even though I do my best to chat to a few mums and their children.

Comes out of school and goes on and on about a book she's reading, all the characters are 'gay' (seems to be the in word these days) and one boy who likes cooking is particularly stupid. I do my best to explain that there is nothing wrong with boys who like cooking etc etc. By the time we get home she's saying shedoesn't like any teachers at her school because her class teacher happened to confiscate something that another child was throwing at her. I tell her this is a bad attitude and I'm not happy.

We get in house and she starts shouting at her elder brother not to come into her room and I mean she SCREECHES. All this probably sounds small fry to some of you but I do worry about her negativity at times and her lack of friendliness to people, she has no friends at home as there are no children around but it would be nice if she could be friendly with someone at school, it's really getting me down.

What a horrid day you have had, i really sympathise as my dd1 can be stroppy on a regular basis, is she like this all the time or is it just today?

Thanks for your reply jammy, no she's not like this all the time! After I had put the message on I thought ' ooh I've made my daughter sound horrible and she's far from it'. She's just extremely opinionated and headstrong and has a bit of a tendency to be negative ( takes after DH) and sometimes it just all comes out at once instead of the odd bit here and there.

An example of how lovely/thoughtful she can be, a few months ago she went around with a 'friend' cleaning cars, earned £8 and sent it all to the RSPCA, her idea but he went along with it. She wanted to empty her money box and do the same last week. I put 'friend' in commas because this boy has hardly bothered with her since, perhaps he'd prefer to find a child who goes around mugging grannys.......oooh I am having a 'downer' today, sorry folks.

I sympathise. My DS isn't generally negative but I've noticed that, if the day starts badly, everything that subsequently happens just conspires (in his mind) to make the day go from bad to worse. And of course it happens because, if you approach everything with the bad tempered attitude that 'this is going to be rubbish', you will rarely be disappointed!!!!

So.... I have various strategies. First is to point out that the worse his outlook, the worse the outcome. If he can stop the downward spiral early, the day might improve. Think he's starting to believe me so that's working moderately well. Second is that I tell him that if he's had truly bad day, whilst he's welcome to talk about it, his gripe is not with me and I don't deserve any surly treatment.

I'm also a firm believer in the links between diet, blood-sugars and behaviour. Some children really struggle with mood-swings if they go too long between meals/snacks and/or if the nutrition isn't quite up to speed. Does she always have a good breakfast, for example, and does she take a daily multi-vitamin?

Thank you for that. Yes she does have a good breakfast and generally eats well.

sounds like generally shes a thoughtful child and just has a few bad days, bear in mind that even at the young age of 9 hormones can play a big part in how they feel, in my experience this happens earlier with girls than boys, my dd1 is 11 and has had mood swings for what seems like forever now and we could have some very vocal arguments about nothing, there are alot of pressures at that age, high school approaching, fitting in, having the right stuff (phones school bags etc) all which seem very trivial to us but can be major in a young girls life. when you say she has no friends at school, is she involved in any after school activities, thats a great way to get them talking or are there any clubs in the area, both of my dd do football which involves girls from all the schools in the area and subsequently they seem to have widened their circle of friends, sit her down and talk to her about how sad it makes you feel that she's unhappy, dont push just let her know that she can tell you anything and hopefully if there is something she'll open up

Thanks so much JammyD, you make a lot of sense. I will do what you advise next time she 'kicks off' about anything. She is very thoughtful, you're right, and that's probably half the problem.

The lack of friends problem is twofold in that she has never liked many girlie things and seem to prefer the boys games at school, she seems to have a real physical aversion to the girls at times! Also there are virtually zilch children where we live so there's no opportunity for her there. She does after school football and has just started a Saturday karate class, I just wish she has someone nearby.

hopefully she will make friends at karate class, then maybe she could have one of the people there over on a weekend for a few hours, I have a similar problem with my youngest dd as all the kids in our area are alot older than her but what I have started doing is inviting someone from school for the day on a weekend, sharing driving with their parents, I usually pick up in the morning and they collect a tea time, this has two benefits, when they collect child we usually invite parents in for drink which widens my circle of friends and then they usually have my dd2 back to theirs on another day for playdate giving me free time!! Im not very good at making friends outside classroom as they all seem abit clicky but this has helped me break the ice!!

Thank you, I live in hope!