Full-time work with 3 DCs - how is/was it for you?

[belwiz]

In short, mumsnetters, I'd be v grateful to hear your experiences of going from 2dc to 3dc while continuing to work. Was dc3 the tipping point that made work seem unfeasible if you wanted to avoid utter chaos? Or, indeed, not having enough time with your dcs and dh to make life meaningful?

DH and I have been pondering whether to have a 3rd dc for ages now and I've become so adept at seeing both sides of the argument that I've reached decision-making paralysis! One of my ishoos that I reckon I need to factor in is the possibility (financially, personally, etc) that I may no longer be able to cope with working after a third, and all the spin-off effects of this - i.e. not sure whether I'd be a good SAHM, etc, wouldn't get back into my field of work anytime soon as I've cornered myself into a ridiculously tight niche careerwise.

We have a DS (4), and DD (2), I work 34 hours a week (3 full days, 2 half days) in a job I love. We have a brilliant nanny, both of us work 5 mins drive from home, and DH doesn't start work till 10 so at the moment our days are by and large manageable. Some days I think I could take my year's mat leave and slot back into life without too much deteriment; other days I worry I wouldn't cope.

Any advice/experiences that might help me out of my indecisive rut??

it was fine with a nanny. easier than trying to do it myself with 2 dcs.

even when two were in school, we needed a nanny to keep up with the third and the usual household nonsense.

fwiw, i'm a sahm at the mo (have alternated on and off) and it is far far harder to sahm for 3 kids than work ft with 3 kids and a nanny. far far harder.

Thanks, OBE, that's really helpful insight. I couldn't agree more that it's far harder being a SAHM. I was off for a year and a half after DC2's birth. In the very early days, with sometimes literally non-stop screaming from my DD who had silent reflux and the physical antics of a jealous 20 month old big bro, there were times I felt pure stress-induced adrenaline coursing through my veins as I buffeted my way out the door with the double buggy! Though, my worry is that I've kind of forgotten the details nearly 3 years on, and would be walking into an even crazier situation with DC3. I do so want a third, though. My DH is 46 and I feel we should get on with it now or just move on.

any chance of you retaining the nanny (even pt) during the mat leave period? i know it seems excessive (we've never done it btw...) but it would be my ideal solution in a lot of ways, especially as i don't usually have any family around in the newborn period...

you'll manage however it works out though.

dd2 (dc3) was a bit broken, so our experience won't be particularly representative, but i felt as though i was living some sort of parallel existence with 3 dcs and sahm.

Sadly, my mat pay wouldn't stretch far enough to retain a nanny even pt, unless I went back to work sooner than I'd feel comfortable with.

You poor thing, sounds like you had a pretty intense/stressful time after DC3. Is she OK now?

um, well, she has cerebral palsy from the birth injury. but she's v able. it's just one of those things now, but for the first couple of years it was a bit full on. we have ups and downs, but she has absolutely no concept of limitations and wants to do everything. next summer she wants to learn to rock climb. she will, too. on saturday she's downhill ski racing for a brain injury charity. she's 8yo and wants to be a paraolympian.

sometimes if it's tricky to make a decision, i don't. i just leave it for a while and see what happens (like lose the contraception). if it's meant to be, and all that.

She sounds like a fabulous girl - just wait till she sees the Olympics and Paralympics this year, and there'll be no stopping her :o)
And, yes, I know que sera sera will probably end up being my conclusion after all the detailed analysis of the past year!