What is normal boisterous toddler behaviour vs. a badly behaved brat?

[AKMD]

DS is coming up to his 2nd birthday. He's my first so I genuinely have no idea what is normal and what is not. Please can someone with a bit more experience than me sort out the following behaviours into normal toddler and badly behaved and how to stop them:

• running off e.g. in the park, in the library etc. expecting me to chase him
• refusing to sit down into his car seat and climbing over the back of it
• tantrumming over getting dressed
• shouting, 'Go away, mummy/daddy!' and hitting us when he's cross about not getting his own way :(

Thanks!

Don't know what's normal either, but you pretty much described my dd, age 2!

That and she refuses to walk anywhere when I don't take her pushchair, but if I have it with me, she wants to walk and refuses to get in the buggy.

Think she just likes to assert her opinion and independence ( i am dreading the teenage years!!)

And if my dd refuses to get dressed, I tell her we can't leave to go 'insert exciting place her' until she does and tell her to let me know when she's ready. Also I try to give her a choice of clothes so she feels she's got some control (even if it is just the pink t-shirt or the blue) - that often makes for an easier time.

That's a good idea iliketea. I had thought about setting out two different outfits for him so that he could choose one or the other, so I'll try that. It usually ends up with me forcing him into his clothes as he's trying to run/crawl away as I'm trying to get him to nursery so that I'm not late for work. It's just a nightmare.

It is all normal toddler behaviour, this type of behaviour is part of their development. They nearly all do all these things and more.

I couldn't call any child of that age a brat. They are too young for such labels. You should read up on toddler years and you will see instantly how totally normal this is and get advice on how to deal with it.

Sounds like normal 2 yo behaviour but my pre-child self would have thought differently (as would my cat-bum-mouth friend whose lip curls when my DCs kick off - hers are perfect, y'see )

Someone will always get narky about little kids. My golden rule was that they didn't hurt others/wreck other people's things. Someone will post about how 2 yos "know right from wrong" and theirs behave "beautifully" - bolleaux - 2yo are basically large babies.

They get better btw

DD has just turned 2 and we have 3 & 4 on your list regularly. I've chalked them upto normal toddler behaviour and would probably say the others are too but are more serious and require tackling as they could be dangerous.

Letting DD feel involved in the decision making has helped us a lot, so I get her jeans or leggings out and she picks her top and I try to hide my horror at her choice

I saw the book toddler taming recommended on here and have just started reading and am already finding it useful

Yup just described my 2 yr old as well. I have to admit to putting on a Disney DVD to distract when I'm getting him dressed in a hurry.

My ds is now 2.7 so I'm starting to be less tolerant especially with the shouting back. Picking your battles and only one at a time is the way to keep your sanity. I have been assured that they do grow out of it!

Oh and the running away I have almost sorted by just strapping him into the buggy each time he ran off. I now have a strap type thing for him to hold on the side of the buggy to keep him close.

Sounds like my DS too!! He keeps shouting NOOOOOOO!!! at me. I don't know how to answer or what to do! Do i ignore/shout back/put him up for adoption??

When i firmly tell him that he is not allowed to speak to me like that he shouts NOOOOOO!!! even louder,which brings me back to my ignore/shout/rehome dilemma!

Everything up to now has been instinct/obvious. Eg feed/change nappy/put in cupboard under stairs.

Sounds normal. A good tip for getting dressed, which still works with my 3 year old- act stupid and get them to show you how to do it. (Really strict voice) 'Come on DS, we need to get your pants on your head! What, not you head? Oh... Yes, you're right, on your hands, come and hold them out... What's wrong? Well you'd better show me where they do go then!' Cue lots of giggles and toddler shouting at mummy how to get dressed.

It works for teeth brushing too- I tell DD about all the things I'm going to put on her toothbrush, like marmite, or custard- the sillier the better. 30 seconds later she'll be stood in front of the sink demanding that I put toothpaste on so she can start brushing.

All sounds normal. If he's still doing it at four, then you've got a problem.

All completely normal and an important part of their development! Making it all fun is a good idea, like pozzled suggested - it works with my ds. They love acting silly. They also love showing you they can do things for themselves generally so it all ties in. Although there will of course be times when you do have to wrestle/chase etc, but ... that is normal!! Have a look at guides to kids of various ages online/in the library; it's so useful, even just a skim read for an hour or two.

If it makes you feel better ny DD 2.2, ran off in Tesco's yesterday and when I fetched her back she started throwing herself around shouting 'put me down!'. Also trying to get her into her car seat she was shouting 'get your hand off my bottom Mummy!" [Blush]

Yup, you just described my DD - if she doesn't want to leave somewhere, she'll just run off. I hope it's normal.
The thing that works this week is turning everything into a race - "I'll race you to that lamppost! I've got a head start - looks like I'm going to win! Oh hang on, festivalorphan is gaining on me... it's going to be a close one.. aaaand the finish line just happens to be in your car seat!"

Much like changeforthebetter, my golden rules are no hitting, no dangerous things (like trying to stand up in the car seat when the car is moving) and no snatching - I would be more bothered if DD was whacking other kids than the fact she can run like the devil's on her tail...

I have laught so much reading all your comments. I have been having this behavoiur for the last few months and I was already starting to worry that maybe I was doing something wrong. I am glad that I am not the only one dealing with all this things, it really helps .

Now if ExP tries to blame me again I will point him in this direction .

PS: SucksToBeMe I have exactly the same problem with NOOOOOOOOOOOO. And I still do not know how to stop it, any tips?

It's normal, but it needs to be tackled. Running off isn't cute (as you will find out when it is done in a car park or over a kerb), not staying in a car seat is also dangerous, and tantrums are very wearing and only become harder to deal with as the child gets bigger.

I'd start with the safety no-noes, and ensure that tantrums never bring the desired result. Good luck! These are major challenges in the toddler years.

Agree with Edith; as I said, it's normal, but that doesn't mean they should have free reign! They do need to be guided. There is loads and loads of advice out there; distraction and humour are usually fairly effective! Good luck

Haha pozzled, I'll have to try that one! He already thinks I'm pretty dim WRT diggers so it won't be too hard to convince him that he needs to show me how it's done.

Just to clarify, once he's in his car seat he stays in it but getting him in is like squashing a wriggling floorboard into a Kinder egg. He goes rigid and screams so I have to strap him in on the loosest setting and slowly winch him in using the tightener, or I have to tickle him until he goes floppy for a second, at which point I pounce! Doesn't always work though... He's also quite into grabbing the handle above the door as I'm putting him in and dangling so that I have to prise his fingers off one by one to get him into the seat, and into flipping over as soon as he's sat down and climbing over the back of the seat onto the parcel shelf a la cat.

He has reigns to stop the running off in potentially dangerous places, which led to the monumentally embarrassing experience at a shopping centre this afternoon when he decided to crawl along the floor so it looked like I was walking him like a dog. To anyone in Midsomer place in MK this afternoon who saw that, please cut me some slack! Otherwise, it's running off in places like the library or insisting on running in the opposite direction to the car when we're leaving the park, in which case I try to pick him up and get kicked/slapped/shouted at for my trouble.

My 'stern voice' is pointedly ignored. I'll get Toddler Taming out of the library...

Definitely normal - all that and more. It's not personal - it's developmental. Try really hard not to compare their behaviour to that which you'd expect from much older children. It's so hard, believe me I know. DD1 has been contrary and shouted at me nearly all day. I've just been to check on her and she's great when she's asleep.

I third the book suggestions. The relief I felt on opening Toddler Taming - if he's got a chapter on it, it must be farily normal, can't just be me you see

This too shall pass.

DD also does the top 3 on your list at 19 mo and more. My rule is if she isn't hurting herself (anything dangerous) or anyone else, I let it pass. Or I would forever be telling her off. (should see some of the disgusted looks I get for her feral behaviour!)
Have just checked out the book online and there are quite a few different ones titled Toddler Taming. Which one is the best??.