Is it ok to let kids wrestle?

[missduff]

My DS is 2.6 and a very loving, energetic child.

He often tries to cuddle his friends but seems to just take it that step too far and the cuddle often turns in to a cuddle on the floor which then turns in to him rolling around on the floor with them and most kids his age don't like it. Of course I tell him not to get rough but he seems to think it's a game.

I've said for some time he needs to do it to a bigger kid who will wrestle him back and knock him down a peg or 2.

So tonight he did it to my DP's 4 yo and he wrestled him back, they had a really good laugh together, in fact I've never seen them getting on so well, it's like they've finally got some common ground which we were really struggling to find.

I will stress this is basically just 2 kids rolling a round on the floor together, no hitting or kicking, nobody was hurt.

BUT I'm wondering whether I should be letting them do it?

Part of me thinks well its just boys being boys. I mean even my Mum's male cats play fight like this, I think there is just something inbuilt in boys to fight.

But the other part of me thinks I shouldn't be allowing it as where do you draw the line? If I say it's ok to wrestle am I sending out the wrong message about violence?

I'm new to all this kinda thing and not sure what to think.

I will stress tho neither boys have a temper or behaviour problem and neither of them would wrestle in nursery or school.

it's fine. My boys do this and they are 2 and 6. Provided it is just playing and no one gets agressive (sp) or hurt, then there is not a problem. Boys have masses of energy and enjoy this kind of play fighting.

My Ds wrestles with his cousin and I think it's great. Sometimes someone might get mildly hurt, but it's all part of the learning process.,

I think wrestling is great, it's how boys seem to show affection. It does depend on the child they're wrestling with though, and the parent of said child! Some seem horrified that their darling has been 'attacked'. It's not easy to explain to a 2 year old that you can only wrestle with certain people though.

Someone said to me it's just like baby animals. My two are 9 and 12 and are always wrestling.

We don't allow it.

Our two DSs know that play fighting or wrestling is not allowed. It always leads to real fighting. It is inevitable both at home and at school and it always ends in tears.

What we do allow them to go to judo where they learn to control aggression and where they are often paired with bigger older people.

My boys wrestle every night (3&5 years old). They love it & look forward to bedtime to have their wrestle first before bath.

Often someone does end up crying but the bonding & how much they seem to love each other means I don't get stressed about it. They very much know that what you do at home & at school are very different & have never heard that either wrestles in school at all.

Nope. Not here either, we allow playing with Daddy and a fair amount of high energy playing. But play fighting always ends in tears,.

My boys wrestle too, It doesn't always lead to real fighting, they have lots of fun and they don't get hurt.

They never wrestle at school or play group as they know they aren't allowed to there.

DS (and DD!) was never that into it, although he very, very occasionally will now do it with one of his BF's.

We always said that if they do pretend fighting, it had to be with no touching. He could never understand why other children didn't know that!

My sister and I used to play wrestle all the time when we were kids. Sometimes one of us got hurt and cried but not very often. It was fun.

I haven't read it but there is a book called The Art of Roughhousing that looks interesting.

Beta you know it will come out somehow, don't you?

My dad used to wrestle with my brothers - gently! - with all of us actually. It is a brilliant way to burn some energy when it is pouring with rain.

My boys are 3.5 and 10 months, and they have just started wrestling. They roll around the floor laughing their heads off, it is brilliant.

Some wrestling does occur at my DS1's preschool, the staff are great at removing the ones that don't enjoy it.

I think if DS was rough with his friends at nursery I'd prob be more worried about it but he's an angel child there (not so angelic at home) so he definitely knows he's not allowed to at nursery.

Exactly miss. There is no wrestling at school/at Nanny's house/ in the street.

I used to wrestle friends and dad as a kid - was great fun. So long as both are having fun and if it tips into real fights it gets broken up - helps them learn where the boundaries are IMO. :)

it doesn't always lead to real fighting ime. animals play fight! it does let children know where the boundaries are too. btw i have two boys that play fight alot

It's fine, I think. I used to do it with my sister, so not so much a boy thing! It's a useful way of testing your own strength and boundaries in terms of body integrity etc. We used to try and trap each other and the other had to escape. Probably a fairly useful skill (!)

You must, must instil into him though that if someone says stop or back off or seems distressed/upset, to stop or back off immediately. It is never okay if someone is not enjoying it. In fact I think it's a fairly good way to bring in this lesson, that if you're doing anything which involves close contact it's important to stay aware of the other person's reactions and whether they're enthusiastically participating, and for him to be able to speak up and say as well if he feels uncomfortable or that it's going too far. (This is a reason to supervise as well unless you 100% trust the other child knows that boundary).

This is the factor IMO which separates it from true fighting, if these rules are always followed, then there's no reason that it should turn into a fight every time (or even any of the time).

Wrestling can be one of the ways kids learn how to control their aggression. Provided it doesn't get out of hand, there's absolutely no problem.

I'm not sure about the aggression argument (personally) because I don't think it is about aggression - if it's letting off aggression then it's on dodgy ground, possibly.

In fact thinking about, I wrestle with my ds now at 18mo - he is in fits of giggles and is a really gentle person the rest of the time. How can anything so delightful for both parties be a bad thing?

My kids ( 3 girls and a boy) love to wrestle. I don't think it's a problem. There are rules as in if someone gets hurt, they must stop and if someone says turtles, then they have to let go.

My ds and his mates used to wrestle all the time and myself and the other mums blamed this on our constant head lice battles as they were always rolling around. He is 17 now and him and his mates are the sweetest boys you could meet

DS (17m) and DD (4.3yrs) are always wrestling. DS usually starts it by climbing onto DD.

DH actually said to me "if a 4yr old started wrestling with DD when she was 17m we would have been horrified!" But whether it is that we have chilled out a bit more, or because DS is our second child, or a boy, or because he is big for his age I don't know.

It very rarely ends in tears here.

My friends little boys love to wrestle. Whenever we visited they would think it hilarious to pin my girls to the floor until they cried to be let go. At which point I would cheerfully have hauled said boys off and flung them out the nearest window but their mum was pretty good at dealing with it.

Needless to say we didn't go round there much but now they're all at different schools we don't see them anyway.

My two confine their wrestling to each other thankfully.