How can we stop 3yo constantly interrupting when DP and me talk?

[bearhug]

I am really not expecting a toddler to be 'seen but not heard', but his attention seeking when DP and me are trying to discuss something is getting out of hand.

We have been reasonably successful in teaching him to be quiet when we talk to others. We do get the occasional "mummy I am being quiet!" when it goes on a bit too long for his liking, but that's OK. It shoes that he does understand.

I am a WOHM and often when I get home at night it feels a bit like DS and DP are competing for my attention. Then DP gets stroppy with both me and DS if he feels I am 'giving in' to DS. He may have a point, as I do tend to think that DP is a grown up and that he can be expected to have a bit more patience than a 3yo.

I do get that DS needs to learn that his needs/wishes cannot always come first. So, any ideas for strategies?

I'll be watching this as I have this problem with DS, he doesn't like me and my mum talking but instead of interrupting he'll tell us both to be quiet or just start being naughty to get attention.

Sorry no tips but you're not alone.

"Wait a minute, I'm talking to Daddy" repeated when needed. 3 is young yet to have got the hang and not need reminding. There is also a limit to how long a 3 year old can reasonably be expected to wait.

You also might need to try to limit dull long adult conversations when he's around tbh and persuade your DP to be more patient. A Child's needs can't come first always no, and at 3 years it is OK to learn to wait a little. However, your DP should be a lot more capable of waiting than your 3 year old. Can you chat once the little one's in bed? Is there anyone who can babysit while you go out and spend adult time together sometimes?

Also distraction. If you really want time for an adult chat, you need to give the 3 year old something else engaging to do... although he may still want you to do it with him, especially if he hasn't seen you all day and has no sibling to play with.

I'm going through this with my 4yo just now. I find it infuriating especially when it's something really important I need to say to DH. Also waiting for more tips from any other posters...watching this with interest!

I think you just have to be firm and consistant "Please wait a moment, we are talking" then make a point of continuing for a moment and - providing he stays quiet - then turn to him and say "ok. Thank you for waiting. What did you want to say?"

If he doesn't wait - then start again with the 'please wait' and the delay.

If he spontaneously (iyswim) waits - then HEAPS of praise and attention "I noticed you waited / said excuse me - you GOOD boy, I am SO proud of you..."

Basically, make it more rewarding for him to wait than for him to interrupt.

If he finds it hard to wait for your attention can you work out a signal to show he is next (as soon as you have finished what you need to say). I used to use a hand gesture/point thing which he (DS!) knew meant "I am just going to finish what I am saying but I haven't forgotten you and I will talk to you ASAP".
Oh and DP can wait!!!!

You also need to get your DP to realise that it's not a competition with your DS

Maybe agree with DP that you'll deal with DS and have proper discussions when DS is in bed.

DS is usually OK if I explain that I will deal with him in a minute. But if DP expects to have long conversations in depth about stuff and for your DS to shush the whole time then I think he needs to manage his expectations.

If I start talking, and DS asks me something, I'll answer DS, and then tell him to give me a minute. He needs acknowleging that I have heard him, or he will just keep going.

Do reflective listening, so repeat what they asked you. 'ok, I'll find your batman toy in a minute, I'm just listening to Daddy' works better than 'hold on a minute I'm talking'.

Also have this issue so any tips good

You also need to include ds in some of your conversations with dp, so that he does feel he has his place within the family unit.

Good advice.

We taught dd to say 'excuse me' but now she just thinks she has a free pass to interrupt as long as she says excuse me

Thanks for all your responses and sorry I haven't had time to say so earlier!

Some excellent advice here, and a useful reminder of what can reasonably be expected of a 3yo.

I will keep on telling DS to wait, but will try to make sure we don't keep him waiting too long.

Thanks again.

the other thing to remember, along with all the good advice here is..

this too shall pass

your h seems like he has a bit of growing-up to do as well

sorry, dp

Will you be passing along to your DP what can reasonably be expected of a 3 yo? He needs to know, and to stop behaving like one.

Exactly what Hecate says. In our house, kids don't get to interrupt grown ups. But we make sure we don't go on for ages so it is fair. But I NEVER stop an adult conversation upon interruption as it sets a terrible precedent.

It is always hard bearhug but I do think DS should be given a good 10 mins of your time, when you get in, before you get into too much grown up conversation with DH. I'm not saying DH should just shut up, but I'm sure he could wait for 10 mins while DS gets his excitement at seeing you, out of the way.

I taught my kids to say 'excuse me' when there's a little gap. Basically ignore anything else, and then remind of the excuse me, and when they do it right, they get your attention immediately. Big reward, full attention and a big smile. Agree that the kid needs some attention first before dp, and I assume you and dp have some time when kids in bed.

My ds (nearly 7) does this a lot. I think in his case it is partly through anxiety that we will start arguing, as this has happened a lot! (We are now separated, but still sometimes have little conversations which may or may not involve disagreements - dh is prone to taking offence very easily, so even mundane things can turn sour)
DH would get very angry about interruptions and shout at him too.
Hope you find a good solution, which will prbably involve your dp trying to remain calm, whatever else!