Routines! How old to start?!

[Kayano]

I know 3 children (very very small family lol)

1 is 6 and her mum was sorting a routine from day one. She was a good sleeper etc

Child 2 is 18 months and has no routine at
All! I could not function the way my friend does. She has slept through once as far as I know

Child 3 is 10 months and parents started to implement a routine at 12 weeks which seemed to work a treat.

My mum said try it after 4 weeks but I just
Don't know!

I know I would like to try and start a
Routine early as I may need to go back to work a bit earlier than planned (depends on £)

So my question is... How
Old were your DCs when you first tried
To establish feeding and sleeping routine and what did you do? Did it
Work?

not before 3 months IMverylimitedE
neither dd was in the slightest bit predictable before then.
somewhere between 3-6months a bit of a pattern in their sleeping and eating emerged, which we started to mould into a loose routine

Had a very simple bedtime routine from about 6-8 weeks (bath, last feed in bed) - before that DS just fed and dozed on us on and off in the evening so there was no point, but by about 6 weeks he'd started falling asleep around 10pm for his longest sleep so started doing the bedtime routine then and bringing it forward a bit.

Around 5 months I realised DS needed a bit more day time structure to his naps (needed a nap after 3 hours of being awake) and that's when I started putting him in his cot to sleep. I fed on demand but feeds fell into a routine around sleeps at that point as he fed before and after every sleep.

Once he was properly on solids, the routine naturally became more set with meals and naps at the same time every day, and feeds fitting around that. His routine has been pretty stable from 7-8 months. I do think that by 12 months certainly children thrive on a predictable routine.

I think I will try at around 12 weeks/ 3 months.

I really want to give bf a good go so don't want to risk supply before then

IMO it's much easier to work with your baby's natural routine than try to impose one from a book etc. If you have a routine to your day (always get up at the same time, always go for a walk with the pram after lunch) then the baby will develop a rhythm too. If you're breastfeeding I wouldn't limit or restrict feeds, better to trust your baby.

We got DS into a routine at 12 weeks and I was really strict. How we rubbed our hands together with glee when he slept through for the next 9 months. Then I went back to work and it all went tits up. He's probably slept through about 60% of that time since, but wakes up ready for the day between 4.30 and 5.45am. He's 3 now. Adorable cheeky little light of my life, but with a knackered mummy and daddy. My point is, by all means, a routine is great, but try and go with the flow too as it can and will all change anyway according to circumstances IME.

Thanks for the advice. I don't want to be really massively strict with it but even something like 'we start bedtime
Routine around 7pm ish sort of thing at
First.

It was when to start that really so that the baby and the breastfeeding
Wouldn't suffer. It's one of those subjects where everyone is different in their preferences and approaches.

Having not been around babies really I'm pretty scared of not having the right instincts :S

about 3 or 4 months, I think they just start falling asleep a bit earlier in the evenings which makes it easier.

I agree with people who say to take a cue from your baby's natural timetable rather than try to impose one you've read somewhere. The first few weeks are a bit of a blur whatever you do. Once the mist clears you start to notice patterns and you work with them. My main exception was bed/bathtime. Whatever else happened, that was as consistent as possible almost from Day 1. I found I could take any amount of disrupted nights, early mornings and daytime yell-fests if the day came to an end at a regular 7pm and I could have an hour or two purely to myself.

We had a routine from about 4 months, which dd developed herself. The secret for me was to start getting up at the same time each day, and it all fell into place after then.

DD was premature and spent 8 weeks in SCBU so had a routine for feeding etc established - we just continued when she came home and she slept through from about 12 weeks.

DS was CS delivery and very sleepy for first few days. By day 5 we started to develop a routine broadly similar to DD - bf every 3 ish hours. Initially this meant, as with DD, that we would wake DS if sleeping - quick nappy change did the trick - stretching to 4 hourly feeding by about 4 weeks. Also slept through about 12 weeks.

I feel better with routine so I think establishing routine for DC made me feel relaxed, met their needs and meant we all thrived.

I know what I have outlined may not be a popular method - it worked for us but might not for others.

DD just developed one herself and it has gradually changed as she has got older (e.g. Sleeping through, dropping her dream feed, dropping to one nap). The only thing we have intentionally moved was making bedtime earlier as DM said it would need to be earlier for her to babysit . I think it is vital not to get too hung up on routine or it can be stifling. For example today she fell asleep before lunch rather than after as we were in the car on the way to see friends. If we were hung up on her routine we would have had to make completely different plans to avoid the early nap.

We did routine 'lite' from day 3 and worked a treat. At 6.15, bath, massage, pjs, feed and down in Moses basket, awake. He would self settle, it was strange to walk away from this tiny baby with his eyes open, very comfy and not crying. We would watch fascinated as he drifted off.
Not a peep from him for 3/4 hours for the first couple of months. Gradually this sleep got longer.

Now at 18 month, DS loves his cot and sleeps 7 to 7.

I am not complacent though, and think that some of how easy sleep has been for us is because of him regardless of anything we have done. However, this routine is literally all he has ever known and i think this must contribute.

I confess to being a bit intriged by the idea of introducing a routine at 3 months as this is precisely the age when they are starting to assert themselves and so may not take kindly to a change. My advise, and i am in the minority, is to introduce a gentle lovely evening routine in the first week. I loved every minute of the routine and it occupied a time of day that can be dofficult I.e. evening cluster feeding etc.

bb, that's great that you did have such a good routine early on.
however, a baby who will self settle so early is a rare blessing. many more of us struggle with the twin demons of colic and cluster feeding, which can only be solved with the passing of time, hence lots of comments about starting from 3 month. the OP might get lucky and get one like your DS though .

Charlotte, totally agree. I know we got 'lucky'.

If is any consolation, my incredibly easy newborn has developed into just about the most crazed energetic toddler on the planet. It is no wonder he sleeps 14 hours a day with naps, DS practically collapses into bed with exhaustion!

Good luck x

it's always the way. dd1 was a horrific newborn, but sailed through the toddler years, and TBH i think it's easier that way round.

same with us Charlotte, DS' first 4 months were toughest time of my life not helped by getting really worked up and worried about routines. The only routineish thing we did and stuck to was bath, massage, feed, bed (even though til he was 10-12weeks he'd invariably be up again screaming with colic the rest of the evening).

DD is 9 weeks old and we've started putting her in the bath with her brother and attempting feed then bed but 7 times out of 10 she's still up til I take her to bed with me 10/11pm.

We emigrate when she's 3months but even without waiting for that upheaval I told myself to just wait til she slotted imto her own rhythm and basing her routine around that, once she was 3-4months, and this has allowed me to enjoy her newborn-ness so much more than DS

ds1 baby led, no routine but he kind of settled into his own routine around 3months. I had big sleep issues with him and ended up doing sleep training and strict routine from 7months. That was a nightmare but he's been much happier since, and a brilliant sleeper!
ds2 even more baby led, no idea what time we did anything. I just went with the flow but he fitted into ds1's routine quite well as they were so close in age so eventually things settled.
ds3 I had the GF book out before he arrived! I wasn't strict about it and he took a while to settle but he's been brilliant and thrived on it. He is a very similar baby to ds1 and I have no doubt that I would have really struggled and had big sleep issues, and issues with self settling if I had been baby led with him.

The general consensus on MN is feed on demand, sleep on demand. However, I think if you want to try an establish a routine then go for it. I did, and it involved specifically waking newborn every three hours for food (for the first 2 weeks) and noisy and bright daytime naps/quiet and dark nighttime sleeps.
This sort of got her used to when she needed food, and also when to have nice big sleeps.

Generally, mine started needing to be put back down for a sleep at a max 1 1/2 hours after waking, now at 6 weeks its around 2 hours.

We still dont get up at the same time each day, LO has her best nap between 8am-10am, so I stay in bed

As you are BF though, you might well be better with demand feeding for a good 8 weeks...not sure, I ff.

Oh, and it may seem odd to leave what looks like an awake baby to lie in their basket/cot, but self settling is something that will set them up for good night time sleeping in the future so if your LO is happy to lay and wait to fall asleep, perfect!

And dont be afraid to try and establish a routine, you can always abandon it if it's not working for you/LO.