"I do X better than Friend!"

[nailbitingfinish]

DS, who is 3 & a half, has taken to saying this a lot recently. He runs faster, jumps further, cuts better etc than one particular friend (he says). Sometimes he says he can't do something as well as this friend. He sees quite a bit of this particular child, who is a bit older. I am good pre-kids friends with his mum, but have only recently been living in the same area, so they haven't seen each other much before the last 6 months (just to explain why this is a new thing). When we meet up we tend to chat & the kids go off together, I do sometimes hear the other DC saying things about how he's the best at colouring or he got a sticker for being the best at nursery etc.

Anyway - my question really is how to respond when DS says this to me. I try to say that everyone is good at lots of different things, & maybe he can run faster than friend but... then that feels like putting him down? & when he says that friend is better than him & he can't do, I find it hard to respond without saying something mean about friend! I don't think the friend is at fault or anything, but DS only talks about this sort of thing in connection with this friend.

This one is really pushing my low-childhood-self-esteem button I think. I'd appreciate some thoughts.

A well used saying in our house ;
we are all good at something,
But nobody is good at everything.

I'm afraid Iv always been quite firm with my DC on that issue , iv seen older children who have never been kicked into touch in that area, and it's just not pleasant .

Just be consistent in letting her know it's not acceptable .

Thanks Nanny.

I'm finding it hard - today's exchange this morning went on to how the naughty boy at his nursery isn't good at anything. I kept saying "everyone's good at something, nobody's good at everything!" & DS kept stating that he is the only one who can write his name

Any more thoughts?

Just keep plugging away, don't expect instant results. But if you do feel there is a risk that your ds is making some other child feel inferior then I think you can gently say "perhaps that's not so nice for X if you keep saying you are cleverer than him". By the time he gets to 4 or 5, you can be quite firm.

It is worth taking the time and trouble over this: ds was in Reception with a little boy who constantly rubbed into ds how he could do things ds couldn't. The problem was, it was true, every single time; this boy was very clever and ds was a bit behind. And because it was true it did permanently affect the way ds saw himself: he got into the habit of thinking "I am not very clever" and his school work went downhill and he's never snapped out of that habit.

Thanks Cory. As often happens I find that posting about it clairifies things for me - I think that Ds is saying these things in reaction to the way his friend talks to him, particularly when they are doing drawing/colouring/'writing' together. We saw them at the weekend & I paid more attention & felt that Ds was being put down a lot by this other boy (not because he's my pfb!). So I think if I work on avoiding that dynamic with those two & respond consistently to Ds when he says similar things to me we should get somewhere.

nailbiting like cory says just keep plugging away .
The penny will drop eventually .
Try not let him see that it bothers you , because if he does the chances are he will do it even more !
It's no reflection on you .
Like most things it's another phase , and it will pass .
What you are doing is great, the ' drip drip ' effect of you letting him know it's not acceptable .
Don't engage in a lengthy discussion with him about it , because that attention will reinforce his behaviour .
Just let him know that it's not acceptable and then ignore ignore ignore .
Give him lots and lots of praise for something lovely that he does so that he will want to repeat those behaviours instead .
And don't give yourself a hard time .