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Original poster

Asked to 'have a word' with 20 mo DS by nursery

19 replies

lyraa · 26/01/2012 19:34

Recently when I've been picking DS up from nursery I get the odd comment that he's 'been running around a lot', 'been shouting a lot today', 'not been doing what he's told' - which I figure is fairly normal for an exuberant 20 month old.

Today I was told again that he wasn't listening and doing what he was told, and maybe I 'could have a word with him' - are they serious? Yes, he has a good understanding of what you say to him, and has plenty of words, but doesn't talk in sentences or anything yet, hasn't even put two words together. Don't get me wrong, we do tell him if he's misbehaving and can even, sometimes get a sorry from him! The behavior nursery are describing sounds fairly par for the course to me for his age, I'm not sure what they expect us to do!? I wonder if it's because he's in the baby room still which is age up to two years and perhaps he's too rowdy for that environment and they find it difficult to manage?

There's a parents evening soon at the nursery so we can talk about it with them then, just wondered what others thought. Does this sound a bit daft from nursery, or are we being too soft on him at home??

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flybynight · 26/01/2012 19:37

I don't know what they expect you to say. By the time you get home, he'll have no idea what you are talking about. Nursery will be a distant memory.

In my experience, 20 month olds DO run about, shout and NEVER do as they are told. I wouldn't worry too much and mention it at parents night.

FoxyRevenger · 26/01/2012 19:41

That sounds daft, to be honest.

I've got a 20 month old and she would not have a clue what I was going on about if I started talking about how she should behave with her childminder.

He's a baby, still just 1 year old! They're expecting too much.

learningtofly · 26/01/2012 19:43

Ha ha ha when ds was 26 months his Target at nursery was to "positively respond to adult requests" ie do as he was told. Perfectly normal behaviour!

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NotThemCrows · 26/01/2012 19:44

I would ask them what strategies they have tried and ask them for a copy of their behaviour policy maybe. They should be able to control him. I think it's wierd to ask you to have a word with a 20 month old. very odd, maybe an inexperienced member of staff? If you are concerned, speak to the manager or ask them to be more specific. It's their job to get him to listen to them when he is with them, not yours.

Original poster

lyraa · 26/01/2012 19:52

Thank you - I was starting to think perhaps we were being too soft at home! I did ask what they suggested and she said they give him time out sometimes but only for a minute. It's hard to discuss at pick up time though as they have other babies to take care of and hand back to parents so are quite busy. I'll definitely discuss at parent's evening but won't worry about it too much!

learningtofly - "positively respond to adult requests", love it!

OP posts:

learningtofly · 26/01/2012 20:19

The previous months target had been "to engage in an activity for 5 mins" ie sit still !

learningtofly · 26/01/2012 20:21

By the way I too was concerned about ds (pfb) but my nursery reassured me most children go through a phase like this and sure enough he is a lot better now (albeit not necessarily at home!)

colditz · 26/01/2012 20:21

They should be putting a baby into time out. I'd be looking for a nursery where the staff have dealt with humans between the ages of 1 - 4, not just docile imobile babies,.

colditz · 26/01/2012 20:22

Should NOT be putting a baby into time out, sorry

Firawla · 26/01/2012 20:24

They sound a bit ridiculous, and 20 months is too young for time out. The age expectations don't sound realistic. I would not be happy with this, maybe see if you can get a time to talk to them if they are not available for a chat at pick up times.

Tmesis · 26/01/2012 20:28

I don't think nurseries should really have a single "baby room" covering the whole spread up to two years. It's just asking for problems like this, but they are trying to push it back onto you as an issue with your child rather than their setup.

learningtofly · 26/01/2012 20:40

I think Tmesis has a good point.

At 14 months my lively ds was moved into a separate group for those older babies (ie still under 2 so needing 1:3 ratio) but who did more boisterious activites than those offered in the "baby" room and more outside play.

Original poster

lyraa · 26/01/2012 20:59

To be fair to the nursery he absolutely loves it there and they have always come across as incredibly caring - feedback I've had from other parents as well and a big reason for choosing the place. I don't know what they mean by time out, maybe just taking him to one side to do something else, but I will definitely be asking. Also about how they ensure the older babies get the right kind of activities.

OP posts:

cory · 27/01/2012 08:34

lyraa: Ds dear, it has come to my attention that sometimes you lack concentration and do not listen carefully at nursery. This is a serious defect in a child your age and you really must do something about it.

lyraads: Oh, I am so sorry. Now you mention it, I do remember something of the kind.

lyraa: Well, just make sure you do something about it, will you?

lyraads : Yes, Mama. I shall make a note about it so I am sure not to forget when I am next in that situation.

AThingInYourLife · 27/01/2012 08:44

Sorry, but PMSL at "having a word" with a 20 month old :o

I have a 23mo DD, she's a marauding wild beast :o

Not really, she's a lovely child, but she (despite speaking in full sentences for months) is not someone you can reason with.

She understands what you say to her (mostly) but doesn't retain it.

Running around and shouting and ignoring their parents' entreaties is what small toddlers do.

You just have to watch them all the time and be firm when they are doing things that are dangerous (they still won't listen though :o )

mumeeee · 27/01/2012 09:36

That was a daft thing for the nursery to say. It is normal behaviour for 20 month olds to run, shout and not listen. Also 4 minutes is a long time for a 20 month old to concentrate and listen and they should not be putting him inti time out. I would bring it up a parents evening. 0 to 2 is a vert big age range fir a baby room.

MammyG · 27/01/2012 22:20

My little fella was allowed to wander into his brother in the big boy room for spells when he needed more stimulation than the babies offered!!

RitaMorgan · 27/01/2012 22:27

Ridiculous. Are the staff very young/inexperienced?

Time outs for a 1 year old are completely unacceptable in my opinion. I'd be very comcerned about their expectations and behaviour manangement policy and would be requesting a meeting with the manager!

My ds is also in a 0-2 room and the staff there don't seem to have a problem with responding to the children in an age-appropriate way.

Wolfiefan · 27/01/2012 22:27

Have a word?
He won't have a clue what you are talking about by the time you get home. Yes tell him when he does things that are not ok but at the time it happens. I would not use time out at this age. I don't think they can make the link between what they did and why they are being put somewhere.

Lol at marauding wild beast! Sounds a lot like my youngest. Full of beans and racing about. She will listen but I often have to insist! She is just over 2!

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