When and how to tell DD1 (6) we are going away for 2 nights?

[playdead]

DH has booked a hotel for this weekend as a surprise. He got a last minute deal. He has just told me. I'm really looking forward to going. I twisted my ankle badly 2 weeks ago and I'm just getting over a throat infection and have lots of other stresses at the moment so I could do with a break.

DD1 (6) is very clingy and hates staying anywhere, without us, overnight. She will cry and cry when I tell her. DD2 (4) doesn't mind staying with DSis. They have stayed overnight with DSis 8/9 times but DD1 hates it. There is no-one else who can take them.

DH wants to leave it til the very last minute to tell her but I want to tell her now. She will cry, more or less, for the rest of the day and in the morning before school and when I collect her from school tomorrow. Should I tell her now?

Apologies, in advance, for grammar and being long-winded.

Crumbs, I don't know what to say. We're going away for 2 nights in April and leaving 2 dd's, 6 and 4, and I was going to come on and say start casually mentioning it from now on so that she gets used to the idea. But in your circumstances I personally am not sure I could leave her.
Sorry! That's not much help is it? Is she ok if you leave her with your dh? Could you do that and get some time away on your own?

OP, I honestly think you shouldn't let your dd stop you going away. It doesn't sound as though she has any specific reason not to stay at your sister's, other than that you're not there with her?

All you can really do is jolly her along, maybe say that if she doesn't make a fuss and whinge, you'll do something special with her in the week, just the two of you?

I totally agree with mumblechum, by the way, just not sure I would be strong enough! Hopefully you will be....

I would go on the weekend, and perhaps start telling your DD tonight. Perhaps you could think of something that you could bring her back and let her know that you will be brining her something back / a surprise / or after that doing something together. Or could you say that your Dsis has promised her something lovely like wathcing a special dvd / treat etc!!!

I am not sure i would "surprise" her with it at the last moment (although you know your dd best and perhaps this may work and if she is going to be upset then maybe best to be upset as short as possible!!!!) - i have found it best to "plant" the idea; so to my dd i will mention if the babysitter is coming around to put her to bed etc, i keep it light, and always mention that she will have a treat!

But you know she will be okay ....... it is good you have some time alone and to recover ...

enjoy!

I believe very firmly that it's vital for couples to have some time alone together to recharge the marriage batteries, and that can only be a good thing for the family as a whole.

Sometimes the child has to come after the couple, for that reason.

Thanks for answering stranded. She is fine when left with DH but he is really looking forward to it too.

It is such short notice I wonder does it matter when I tell her?

The last time we went away for 2 nights (about a year ago) I did casually start mentioning it once or twice a week for about 2 months beforehand and she cried every time it was mentioned

Thanks so much mumblechum , beertricks and iwant.

I will take your advice and tell her tonight and let her pick something nice for us to do after school on Monday.

I feel a bit relieved now

I am really sorry OP, but do you honestly think this is o.k.? I mean do you really think it is 'normal' for a 6 year old girl to get this upset. Have you asked other mums in her class. I put it to you that this is not. And that you must just try not to worry, enjoy, and get perspective on this. You tell her, jolly her along, promise her a treat when you return (something nice that you and her can do together), and then just get on with it, without pandering to her.
Because I'm really sorry, but pandering to her is just not right, is it? You know that deep down.

She knows what buttons to press to pull at your heart strings!!

I read this and presumed some special needs tbh. Sorry if that's way off the mark but it would explain her distress. Otherwise, yes you must go and tbh I'd try and go out more often. There's no reason for her to be so distressed at being apart from you. Presumably she copes throughout the school day. Is there a reason she doesn;t want to go to this place in particular? Is there a pet she doesn't like or something?

I have a 7 and 3 year old. They went to stay with sil overnihgt. They barely slept the night before, with excitement. sil said they wouldn't go to sleep on the night, only because they were so excited at sleeping with their 2 cousins.
Now to ME, this is normal.