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Son constantly acting like a twit!

27 replies

Dotty342kids · 26/01/2012 14:19

So, my DS is nearly 9yrs old. Also have a very bright 7yr old DD. They get on quite well (as much as any siblings) and my DS is certainly not stupid but he insists on acting like it!
Lots of very unfunny toilet humour, slightly badly handled attempts at sarcasm towards friends, pretending to our friends that we get drunk "all the time" (I'm virtually teetotal and DH only drinks couple of glasses of wine after kids go to bed at weekends!) and just generally acting in an idiotic manner that makes him a) seem very immature and b) gives the impression that he's a rude moron!
I am certain that some of it is insecurity and him feeling the need to act the fool, possibly in comparison to his very bright and very articulate little sister, but I can't get across to him that actually if he stopped doing that he'd come across as a much nicer kid and that if he doesn't other children / grown ups are going to get a completely wrong impression of him.
I'm worried that his friends, who seem a bit more mature of him, are going to get sick of him soon, and that any adult seeing how he can behave at times (and it's not ALL the time thankfully!) is going to steer well clear of him.

Anyone else dealt with things like this and what do you do about it? Or will he just grow out of it?

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redridingwolf · 26/01/2012 14:22

No advice, but it sounds like typical 9yr old boy stuff to me. They eventually (mostly) grow out of it. You might have to bite your tongue and ease off him for a few years...

timetosmile · 26/01/2012 14:23

ooooooh! 9 year old boys! Aren't they something?!

Provided
-there are no concerns about his classroom behaviour

  • he can do 'nicely' when he needs to i.e.Grannie is visiting
-you are all a lovely happy family then just smile sweetly, rise above it and cuddle him to within an inch of his life.

or sneak into a local Cubs meeting to see how really, they're all at it....

and expect DD to get like it a 9 too, except about boys and not bottom jokes

cyb · 26/01/2012 14:27

Oh I have one of those...

Always quoting Horrible Histories, Black Adder AD NAUSEUM

All his freinds seem far more grown up

I'm going for the cuddle and gentle 'You dont have to be silly alll the time' approach

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Neenook · 26/01/2012 14:29

I think it's a '9 year old' thing! Ds - 9 last weekend has been like this for a while and show's no sign of growing out of it any time soon...

FWIW when he's not being a twit, he is a lovely, generous, caring little boy. Bright and articulate (although hates homework of any description) - but manages to hide this very effectively much of the time and yes, does a reasonable impression of being a rude, obnoxious moron!

It is SOOO draining constantly trying to correct his behaviour only to have him do exactly the same just moments later. Oddly enough there was a thread on here a few days ago, where someone had put that they remembered being 8/9 and how all the wrong things seemed to just fall out of their mouths before they could stop it...I'm fervently hoping it's 'just a phase' Grin

Neenook · 26/01/2012 14:31

Sorry, x-post! See, there's loads of us out here! Wink

Neenook · 26/01/2012 14:34

...apologies for the misplaced apostrophe - gah! Blush

Francagoestohollywood · 26/01/2012 14:38

OP, 97% of 9 yrs old have a thing for unfunny toilet humour!

You say that he is lovely, caring and generous... chances are that his friends are totally aware of these qualities too Smile

Dotty342kids · 26/01/2012 14:39

Oh, so glad to hear it's not just mine. I think he can behave when elsewhere (cubs etc) but sometimes I just want to curl up and die. The other night I dropped his (incredibly well behaved and polite) friend off after a club, left my two in the car whilst I walked him to the door. Whilst I had no more than a three minute conversation with the other little boy's mum my two decided to have a shouting match - literally, who can shout the loudest - competition in the back of the car. I was mortified and even when I caught their eye and shook my head firmly at them they carried on! As far as I'm concerned, he's the older one and I expect him to stop when I ask him to, or at least on the second time of being asked. That's not too much to ask surely?
I was soooooooo embarrassed.

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Francagoestohollywood · 26/01/2012 14:42

Oh sorry, I got confused between the OP and Neenook...

Anyway, my ds too tends to get "over excited" when he is in the company of his friends.

SomekindofSpanish · 26/01/2012 14:48

Agree about the age thing and a lot of boys are like this. Most of DS1's friends can be really silly when together and they are 10/11 .

The incident in the car sounds familiar - did you tell them both off for it? I must admit, I expect more from DS1 but do acknowledge DS2's(almost 7) part in things. He is also very bright and much more academically minded than DS1.

Does your DS 'feel' that he is not as good as your DD? Not meaning that you tell him so, but that he just gets the vibe. I think DS1 feels this on occassion and this can be when he starts being silly - almost as if to say that he is the witty one, rather than the 'geeky' one.

timetosmile · 26/01/2012 14:51

Laughing so much at the shouting competition!

I once had 4 Cubs in a micra all playing the can-we-turn-our-jumpers-around-so-they-are-on-backwards-under-our-coats game (in the dark)

And the random high-pitched 'neep' noises

And the what-makes-the-best-fart-noise experiments..armpit or elbow or knee or blowing out cheeks..

But it's a lovely, lovely excitable age..enjoy it (as much as you can) before the pre-teen self consciousness kicks in

Francagoestohollywood · 26/01/2012 14:53

I agree Timetosmile, it is a lovely age.

Dotty342kids · 26/01/2012 14:57

I do like the idea of lots of reasurance of him being lovely as he is, I'm sure I tilt over into "don't be such a pillock" conversations a little too much.
Spanish, yes I think he probably does realise that DD is the golden child a bit, in terms of her ability and behaviour. We never compare them outwardly but am sure he realises for himself. Which makes it all the more difficult to counteract I suspect...

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SomekindofSpanish · 26/01/2012 15:03

I feel your pain, Dotty Smile. Sounds like a very similar situation in our family.

It is a lovely age, though, and sometimes DS1 makes me roar with laughter at his silliness.

Janoschi · 26/01/2012 18:26

Toilet humour at 9? To be expected, I think. My sister-in-law does a constant stream of embarrassingly unfunny fart jokes and she's 31. Christ it's wearing!

lisaro · 26/01/2012 18:28

Totally normal. I've had 3!

noddyholder · 26/01/2012 18:31

I never thought I would miss the farting jokes and endless drivel .....but thats what they do at that age! My ds is 17 and still does the silly voices and laughs at anything relating to farting

Dotty342kids · 26/01/2012 19:19

So, in a nutshell I just let him get on with acting like a moron? Sigh..... {grin}

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shagmundfreud · 26/01/2012 22:55

OH lord OP, you're lucky you don't have two boys.

Things that I've had to deal with:

6 and 8 year old ds's sticking my wax hair remover strips to each other's scrotums. For fun.
Overhearing 6 year old asking 8 year old 'can we play the willy/bum game?'
Six year old dragging 8 year old off toilet yesterday as a joke, mid poo, poo landing on the hall carpet.
And tonight went upstairs to see 8 year old ds (who was in the bath) aiming his waterpistol at his brothers... ahem... anus.... while 6 year old bent over in the door way, pants round his ankles, presenting his bottom as a target.

And constantly, constantly wedgy-ing each other.

Sigh.

toptramp · 27/01/2012 07:58

Sounds like typical male behaviour I'm afraid. I think they grow out of it- when theyre about hmmmm 50!

redridingwolf · 27/01/2012 08:33

Warning bells for me at the 'realising DD is the golden child'.

There's a really good book called 'Sibling Rivalry' - can't remember the authors' names but you can find it on Amazon.

I think you are setting up your DS for a lifetime of feeling discontented with himself if you don't simply embrace him as he is and stop (inwardly) comparing. Really - I do urge you to read it and think about it.

Neenook · 27/01/2012 09:45

shagmundfreud your post just made me laugh out loud!

Sounds just like my house Grin

HugeFurryWishingStool · 27/01/2012 09:55

Shagmundfreud, my eyes are streaming from laughter!

MorningHasBroken · 27/01/2012 10:18

Yup, both my DSCs (boy and girl) went through this at the same age. The only reason his friends seem more sensible is because they're on best behaviour at your house - his friends' parents are probably making exactly the same comparison and thinking your DS is so much more sensible than yours! You can try and guide the sarcasm/bad humour thing - we remind them that some jokes are funny for their friends but aren't suitable in front of adults and make them look silly. We also have been made out to be complete alcoholics, and neglectful parents due to being late to pick them up from school every day (I was 3 minutes late, once, and had got their friend's mum to wait with them at the gate until I was there!). Now DSS is turning 13 and is horrible in a whole different way... enjoy this stage while you can!

Dotty342kids · 27/01/2012 11:36

shagmund freud, it sums it all up really when I read your post to my DH whose response was "brilliant"!
Who was it that said boys never really grow up?!
And redridingwolf, you may have a point, I'll look out for that book, thank you.

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