2 toddlers + awful nights + rowing with DH = HELP NEEDED

[tiddletime]

We have 2 children 4 and 3 so very small gap. They share a room. One of them will wake every night pretty much - I have not consistently slept for the last 4 yrs. DH now sleeps each night in the basement spare room. Yesterday evening the children went to bed early as they were tired and squabbling, I lost my patience with them. They were both asleep by about 6.15pm. 4am the older one is at the stairgate (across their door - I have not been able to face removing it because of the sleep problems). Elder DD crying, wanting to come through to me - something we did for a long time but do not do now (did it last week and did not get back to sleep after she came through as she would not keep still).

I am sorry to say that my patience is very thin at that time of the night. This went on until DH woke up from the basement (which he does not normally do) and he comes up stairs and he is annoyed having worked until 12.30 amd and he has to go out to dinner with his boss tonight).So the whole thing descended into us getting really annoyed and finally she was quiet.

I was then pretty horrible to her this morning, snapping and just fed up with her and DH and I rowed about something trivial because we are both tired and fed up.

Clearly they went to bed too early last night but of course they are going to be tired again today (3 yr old has just yawned). I feel so fed up at sleeping so badly - the night before the smaller one had grizzled from 1am. I know my reaction is unacceptable and it is not working - shouting at them to go back to sleep does not work and is wrong.

I feel hopeless about it ever consistently changing. I cannot face taking the stairgate off yet but know that is not a long term solution (and it is not helping me sleep).

Any thoughts/ ideas welcome please.

If Feel your pain!

I take it that you've only got 2 bedrooms?
It seems as though the problem is early waking? Once they are asleep, is that it for the night? Finally, does elder dd wake the younger one calling for you or is she a heavy sleeper?

I've got 3 boys and because of various illnesses, I seem to have got them in the habit of wanting me to sleep in with them. So I know exactly how you feel. DH is always asking if I'm in a mood and I'm snappy with the children and they are tired so whinge constantly. I feel like world's most shit mother at the end of the day.

However, it will pass, it has done for me before. You just have to hang on and try and remember that you once had a sense of humour and enjoyed having children!

I feel, ffs. Tired!

Oh and practical suggestion.

Could you put younger one to bed and then stay up reading stories, relaxing bath, jigsaw with older one for extra 45 mins to try and break early waking. May help squabbling if dd1 can feel that she gets some one on one when younger in bed - hard I know

Thank you. They can/do wake at anytime of the night - sometimes for a wee/ drink. The elder one does tend to go back to sleep better earlier in the night but if it gets to 5am then she is harder to settle.

I know I need to spend more time with the older one on her own but I am so tired and so are they - she was asleep by 6.15pm last night as she was so tired.

They do tend to sleep through the other one waking up - so most of the time it is one of them waking (they almost seem to take it in turns...)

Oh, I know, have to admit I skip the bedtime story some nights as the idea of more time when I'm already so tired...ahh well, no-one's perfect

Mine are now 5, 4 and 2 and I had to change the elder two sleeping together to the younger two instead because of the same reasons. Ds1 used to put the light on or start shouting to wake ds2 up at any time from 5am.

Win lottery and build extension ( my plan to get them separate rooms, I'll share if I win!)