Feel like a coiled spring - irritated by being with 2 small children

[zwolfy]

After 4 yrs of having one or both children with me all the time (15 months apart) I now get 3 mornings a week on my own (since beginnning of January). Things are a lot better now having had pnd for much of the last 2 yrs. But still I have days when I am irritated - I feel pulled by both of them - I am helping one with teeth and the other calls me , I am helping one on the toilet then the other wants something. Breakfast time and coming in at lunchtime are the worst - I feel badgered the second I walk through the door. I know it will pass and I already feel sad they are no longer babies. However I do all of it on my own during the week and wish I did enjoy it more. They don't wait for anything, they squabble, they badger you until you get/do want they want - I know normal children but it drives me mad sometimes. I feel and sound like a miserable old sod. I did not have a good childhood and so wanted to be a perfect earth mother but I am no Mary Poppins. Anyone who can share their similar feelings and how they overcame it (if they did). thank you

I only have one but I know what you mean. I think you just have to try very hard not to leap to attention the minute they want something but take your time and make them wait. Whining and pestering means a longer wait, tell them. Then turn on your deaf ears, finish your breakfast, read that article in the newspaper. They'll get the message.

Another observation is that children can do more than they let on. :) But if we do everything for them, they'll happily sit back and let us. They start out as babies and we get so far into the habit of meeting their needs instantly on demand, we forget they're now 6yo not 6m. Periodically, I've had to take a step back and tell myself 'he's old enough to do X for himself' and put it into action. Otherwise it would be too easy to keep doing everything and I'd be still helping him on with his wellies at his 21st....

When times get hard, just repeat on a loop in your head "and this too shall pass ..."

I have two days a week home with the kids and sometimes when the 2yo DS comes in at 6am I do just think, god I can't do this AGAIN but usually by the time I've had a cup of tea I am able to make the conscious decision that I HAVE to do it so take a deep breath, accept this is it for the next 12 hours and get on with it. On the days I don't do this and spend all day thinking "oh for fucks SAKE" every time the yoghurt lands on the floor or DD poos just as we're going out I have a far more rubbish day. If I can wrench myself into the right frame of mind I can take it rather more in my stride IYSWIM. Having things to do helps, classes, meeting up with people, sometimes I invent reasons to go to the shops as they are pretty good in the trolley so waste half an hour that way (though end up spending inevitably!)

It is the relentless of it all - the groundhog day after day and my DH often works late/is away so there is no one to take over for bed - I know many people are in the same situation and I long for it to end but also know that it is wishing it away and they will not be small again. I shout every so often and wish I did not. My father had a volcanic temper and scared the living daylights out of us and I see how the tension and frustration built up in him - not helped by 4 children between 10 and 1 in a 3 bed house but that was the 1970's and things were very different. Anyway I am rambling now.

I am also annoyed with myself because shouting shows them my own lack of self control and let's them win - I don't really mean it by that - but I show weakness and I feel crap about it all.

oh god I came on to try and find some words of wisdom/consolation about the same thing! DD is 2 and DS 6 mos. Still BFing DD and up at least twice a night while DD is trying to drop her pm nap. This is really hard!! At the mo DD is 'washing the dishes' ie emptying the sink (all over the floor) and asking for more with the occasional "Uh oh" thrown in for good measure! Still its the most engaged she's been in anything all day. Just taking a deep breath and trying to find a distraction for her in something that helps me out is my trick. Oh excellent my little prodigy has just figured out how to turn on the tap - must run! Best of luck zwolfy.

How old are yours zwolfy?

nearly 4 and nearly 3 so just over a year apart.

I only have one dc but can relate to the parent with a temper, wanting to not be that and the pnd (I think its all related tbh, in my case anyway).

When I snap at ds I feel crap that I've done it and if he cries, I feel even crapper. So when he goes to put his toothbrush in the toilet for the 4000th time, I do whatever needs to be done to stop the situation but try not to emotionally react for a couple of seconds. And in that time I force myself to remember how the crappy shouting situation feels. And usually thats enough to make me deal with it in a calm voice. Usually.

I agree with the self control thing - losing your temper is like giving in to a temptation.

Like ninipops came on here looking to rant find similar experiences about the same thing. DS1 is just 3, DS2 is 8 months, and while I only have them both for two days (nursery for DS1 on the other days), I feel totally drained by the end.

It's the constant auditory overload of requests, shouting, whines, tears, screaming (sometimes happy, sometimes not). That and DS1's requirement that I should be at his side all the time to play/read/help with eating/going to the loo. Yes, I bat him off so I can do other things (like feed or play with his brother, wash up, cook food, put washing on, go to the sodding loo), but it does get v v wearing by the end of the day.

And I shout too, and feel awful afterwards, particularly when I'm just tired and cross and taking it out on him. zwolfy, know exactly how you feel on this one, my dad was the same, but I still shout like he did sometimes :(

I have a 4yo, a 2yo and a baby. I know what you mean about feeling badgered.

I have instituted a 'no moaning' policy. I don't listen to moaning statements, and I don't respond to requests that aren't in a 'nice voice' with a 'please'.

I am working on just calmly saying 'I'll get that when you ask me in a nice voice', and that sort of thing.

And instituting rules like - everyone sitting on their chair before I bring the food, or everyone putting their shoes on and standing by the door. Also, for squabbling 'talk to each other and sort it out'

It sounds a bit regimented but it really makes things easier to manage, and makes the children nicer. Takes a while to bed in, and there are still melt downs from the kids, but I can weather through them because I can see the improvement.

Zwolfy Im exactly the same with mine. Like you my childhood wasn't great and I wanted to be a more attentive, caring mother but I feel like this with my 4 yr old and 2 yr old too.

To make matters so much worse I found out in December im expecting another and I am in bits. I feel like im going to be the worst mother ever. I already see I have no patience with my 2 yr old all of a sudden. I had never lost it with her or shouted at her until now. I know itis because im feeling overwhelmed and hating the fact it's going to be another 4 years until I finally get a few hours peace .

I have no great advice but I wanted you to know your not alone.

Breakfast and coming in for lunch is hell here too. Sometimes you just want to get your shoes off and go for a pee but noooo!