When to have the 'drugs talk'?

[sallymonella]

I just read a very interesting thread about what to do when your child smokes weed. One poster, who works in this area, advocates talking to your children openly and honestly about drugs and their dangers. My question though is when? When is a good age to bring this up? I don't want to be labelled as the mum who told their kids everything and then their kids told everyone else's!

ps. I would have asked on the original thread but it got a bit nasty, and was a year and a half out of date anyway, so I didn't want to resurrect it.

Oh, good one. I think we started with entry-level drugs by discussing cigarettes and alcohol pretty early on... maybe six or seven. I favour the route of explaining why it's attractive but what the downsides are rather than some flat 'don't do it' which is pretty unsatisfactory. I think it's important to come back to the discussion at regular intervals because the influences change and the peer pressure increases. IME, in a room of 30 seven year-olds you will not find one that thinks they will smoke cigarettes ever because it's just disgusting . But, by age 14, you can bet that at least 10 of those same children have tried it. Same with alcohol and drugs. My DS is 11yo, is just coming across references to drugs via TV and school, and we tackle them as they come up and try to agree why they're a bad idea.

Thanks cogito. i don't know why, but I forgot about fags and alcohol being drugs! Yes, I will start with them, which I suppose I already have done in a way: as in pointing how how revolting people smell when they've been smoking and how alcohol makes you feel ill the day after drinking it! It's difficult when they come back with "but daddy smokes, I've seen him" but I suppose I could use this as a lead into a discussion about addiction!

When do they start covering this at school, does anyone know?

(think I have an addiction to exclamaton marks after re-reading my post!!!!!! And one for luck!)

well I haven't had the talk yet because my children aren't at secondary school. But from the beginning I've always been clear that drugs and smoking are Not Good things. the children are all aware of the repurcussions and the problems. I work for a cancer charity and my step father has cancer so that really helps on the smoking/alcohol issues. and I similarly take any opportunity to drum into them the drugs message too. Amy Winehouse for example helped in that regard!

When they get to secondary school I will probably have to be more directive, but I hope that I have managed to sow the seeds already.

my H smokes sometimes but he thinks it's secret! All of the dcs know and are very disgusted with him. I am very clear about the cancer link and that only completely mad people smoke. For now I think that's enough, but I will have to think about the peer pressure thing later.

We live opposite the secondary school that I hope my eldest daughter will go to, and so many of the girls huddle outside smoking that it's scary.

in context to what ever age they are 5 or 6 or even younger, fags and drink slightly older maybe 7 or 8 about other drugs, open honest lines of communication, answer questions asked at any age as honestly as possible. my dsis found a greay leaflet about drugs and talking to very young children i will try to find out from her where she found it.

I am always wary of The Talk, whether the Drugs Talk or the Sex Talk or The Money Talk, the whole idea that you can cram everything you need to tell your child into one lecture which you will be able to gauge exactly when your child is mature enough for- nah, it doesn't seem realistic to me.

So I have made it lots of little talks, arising naturally out of everyday events, the news, someone reminding me of something.

I had certainly mentioned drugs before secondary school- and I know they had a general Health Awareness Week in Yr 6 which covered sex, drugs and alcohol (dd nearly broke her nose whilst demonstrating the effects of some ghastly drug or other). By the time they are 10 they will certainly have become aware of a) drugs references in books and films and on TV b) people behaving oddly in the street because of drink/drugs problems. If you keep skirting the subject you will only send the message that this is something you can't ask about at home.

Another one who has never done The Talk on any subject. My mum was a great fan of The Talk and it was the most cringeworthy experience ever - awful. Total waste of time.

Forget The Talk. Stuff comes up naturally through soap operas, news all sorts of stuff - I'm going to stop now as all I'm going to do is repeat Cory's excellent post!

Great post cory
I will take your advice and drip feed information to them as and when the opportunities arise.

surely it comes up in conversation, we have the radio on in the car, its only a matter of time before DD, age 5 starts asking what there talking about on the news.

We started early and unintentionally - again, not 'The Talk' by explaining how even Calpol could make you poorly if you took too much, and as they got older-7,8 yrs - about how lots of street drugs were misused medical drugs, chatting about dangers of unregulation etc. I think it's drip-feed, like most things, and not to let it become a taboo.

my lot have had the general topic idea since about 5yo, dd is 6 and knows that not all tablets are medicine, some people misuse them and the general safety about never taking anyone elses or anything that you are not sure about (she has daily asthma meds and so needs to be more clued up in case she thinks it's more part of normal life to take meds than it actually is, iyswim)
ds2 is 8 and knows a bit more than his sister, whilst ds1 is 11 in yr 6 and has covered it at school as well as hearing more at home, on news and in conversation because we have always discussed stuff with him - because he has lots of questions. Also feel the same as many others here, introduce things in bits and drip feed so you haven;t got the "big talk" scenario that either feels like too big a deal or gets plain embarrasing, or not done at all because of the same reasons!

Right. Well, last night I had a conversation with my 7 year old about smoking. he asked about DH smoking and so we talked about how cigarettes are addictive and how most people who smoke are actually trying to give up. That a lot of people start smoking at school because all their friends do it too, but that what might start off as a couple of cigarettes a day, turns into a pack of 20 a day. I then told him how much a packet cost and his jaw dropped! Then we worked out how much a week that would be etc etc and I think that he was a bit gob-smacked by the cost. Hopefully, that will stay with him.

So DH is going to give up now? :) Stats show that the children of smokers are more likely to take it up than the children of non-smokers. Which is another important point when it comes to drugs, alcohol or any other bad habit. If we don't lead by example the children quickly spot the hypocrisy and don't take us so seriously. Actions speak louder than words etc.

I'd second what cory and others have said - if you think about the things you really know about in life, they won't be things where you got a single lecture on that subject (unless it was startlingly rivetting!) but they will be things you have been learning about little by little as you got older. Just keep talking about things bit by bit as subjects come up. That'll also mean they're more likely to mention things the other direction too, when they hear other children's misinformation, and you'll get a chance to inform them properly, or suggest looking for books/leaflets etc.

DD's school did a DARE COUrse in Yr 5. - Drug,alcohol reduction education I think.

It was one afternoon a week for 8 weeks.

So lots of info then on the dangers of drugs, smoking, and alcohol. Also lemons which apparantly release poisonous gases.

But apart from the lemons and a few other similar things it seemed quite good. Lots of advice about how to say no, not following others, etc as well as info on the dangers.

It feels natural to do the sort of thing Cory said, just talk stuff over when it comes up.
That said, DS is y7 & I can't remember talking drugs with him... maybe I should bring it up deliberately, we follow pro cycling so doping for sporting performance does come up.
I think the other half of this is teaching them self respect. And to think for themselves & not just go along with peer pressure (although flip side of that can be putting up with a bit of lip). But I want them to think for themselves, and already issued statements like:

Just because other people's parents make stupid choices doesn't mean I have to.
If "everyone else" wanted to jump off a cliff, would you do it too?
Did I raise you to be a sheep or to think for yourself?

Related: I do periodic lectures about aspects of going free-range, like "Don't do anything to upset other people or damage their property or that you wouldn't do at home. I do NOT want anyone to come to the door complaining about something you did whilst out and about."
etc.