Totally lost it today in Clarks

[steben]

My 22 month old DD was being so naughty - running off, throwing shoes around - other mums with perfectly behaved toddlers just stared at us like we were the scum of the earth. Left with her kicking and screaming under my arms and literally rammed her in car seat (feel v ashamed) and screamed at her that i was furious.

She has just been a nightmare recently, everything is a battle. Trying to discipline and use naughty step but she just ignores it or crys for a minute and then gets back up and it does not seem to have any effect.

Not sure if I am just having a bad day or if everyone feels like this but I am just at end of tether.

If it makes you feel a little better, my 4 year old punched me in the face at school pick up time in front of about 30 mums and the headmaster - all because I didn't bring her scooter with me.

p.s. to add I have been there with my daughter many times. It is normal with some children some days. Despite my story above it has improved with my daughter gradually over time (she is quite over-tired today because she was up too late last night), I think when they start school is often a good turning point.

shoe shopping is the worst thing in the world. We have had screaming rows over shoes in most of the major cities in Britain. London (John Lewis and Selfridges) Glasgow (can't remember where but I'm sure I was close to being arested) Bristol (a number of smaller independents) Swindon, Cardiff and Reading.

Terrible, awful experiences.

I think most of us have had many days like this. I still think the best advice is to remain calm, be firm and know when to cut your losses.

I'm not very good at the 'stay calm' bit and have been known to snarl/hiss threats of dire punishments. That doesn't work either, at 2, but at that age sometimes nothing does.

steben I didn't notice you take my 22mo DD out today

I think 22mo (based on my own DD) is too young for discipline such as the naughty step, if I tell her to do pretty much anything, she doesn't do it because she doesn't understand. At 2 they're just learning the world doesn't actually revolve around them and that's a bloody shock and apparently very unfair. As is everything from being asked to pick a sock up to not drawing on the wall.

I regularly battle with DD as well so don't be disheartened, you're not the only one.

Oh God, Clarks shoe shops are hellish... I don't blame her or you. Just a bad day.

Most of us have had that day from hell but I personally think she's too little for the naughty step or that kind of discipline. Try reading Toddler Taming for ideas - I think it's helpful. Distraction, cheerfulness, and playing games can be very effective for some kids of this age.

Thanks for responses - Oggy that gave me first smile of the day (sorry to laugh) but if it makes you feel any better she kicked Clarks shoe fitter in the face .

I am just turning into a shouty mum which is the last thing I want to be! I am half way through toddler taming so will persevere and hope tomorrow is a better day.

I agree with flisspaps that 22 months is too young fo the naughty step because your daughter is too young to understand the concept.

I have found the best answer to tantrums is to acknowledge the distress, stay calm and also stick to your guns. Your child is still very much reliant on you for their emotional cues, so you need to be calm, assertive and tell them it's okay to be upset but that they have to do what you want them to do. It's also worth remembering that they are not going to be able to process much thinking whilst they are in the middle of the tantrum, so the important thing is to get them to be calm again so that they can listen to your voice and your words. Their brains don't put messages together as quickly as ours either, so give them a minute or two to regain their composure.

If all else fails, just go home and try again a couple of weeks later.

I'm sure that the other parents were looking at you with sympathy, unless you were being really horrible to her, which I'm sure you weren't.

I would also second toddler taming. And I would forget about naughty steps. She's probably too young for it to work. Also, I suspect most of those people in the shop who have children were not judging you but were thinking things like "poor you", and "thank God X is behaving himself today instead of behaving like he did in M & S last week when he rolled around the floor". Pretty much everyone who has had a 2 yo has been where you were today. Sometimes, with a toddler, there is absolutely nothing you can do but ride the storm.

Also, being in public does always make these things worse. You don't have your usual weopons that you might have at home to hand such as containment in cot/naughty step, you worry about shouting and appearing a shouty mum but you worry about not appearing to react stronly enough and getting the old "well that's why she's like it - mum's soft" type looks.

I know you shouldn't care what others think, but it's human nature to do so.

I agree that most will have been feeling a mixture of empathy and relief. I know I would.

I didn't get the DSs' hair cut very much when they were young, after DS1 knocked an enormous and decorative display of hair care products across the floor while he was arsing around.

I always feel a sense of "thank God it's not me" whan I see a mum struggling with unruly toddlers.

I told my DD today that if she didn't shut up I was going to hit her. Not proud. It reduced her to tears immediately (then I had both of them crying as the whole reason she needed to shut up was that miserable poorly dd2 had just gone down for a nap)

I think most of us have been there. I recall a hellish incident in tesco when my DD through a box of haribo (you know those 10p packs) on the ground, spilling them all out because I said she couldn't have a pack. She was around 2... An old man was muttering that kids have no discipline these days and I wish I had said something but I just went red and held back the tears.....it really isn't just you.

If I'd seen you in Clarks I'd have thought 'been there, done that, survived!' and been glad my DD is over that stage (she still doesn't like buying shoes - in and out as quick as poss. Which when they are nearly 13 turns out to be a blessing! )

You can be sure that anyone who has worked in the children's department of a shoe shop for more than a week will have seen it all before.

Thanks everyone, no I kept compusure in shop - just not in car park when i got a bit aggressive when putting in car which i am not proud of believe me. I know I look at other mums with sympathy but this always seems to happen with my DD when we are surrounded by perfectly behaved babies and toddlers - sods law i guess. I just want her to listen and see reason but I suppose I will have a while to wait (or possibloy forever?!)