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DS age 3 hitting DD age 11 weeks

9 replies

tex111 · 19/01/2006 12:43

I caught DS hitting DD today and it's really shaken me. I had gone to the kitchen to get her bottle and I heard her crying. For some reason I had a very bad feeling and decided to creep back towards the living room and see what was going on. I saw DS run over and hit DD in the chest quite hard then run and sit on the sofa. He was obviously going to pretend as if nothing had happened.

I was really shocked to see this behaviour as he seems to love DD most of the time. I've been preparing myself for something like this but now that it's actually happened I don't know how to handle it. I stayed very calm and sent DS to his room then I checked DD. She had two red marks on her chest and stomach and one on her face! I feel heartbroken at the thought that he might've been doing this for weeks and I didn't realise it.

After I calmed down and spoke to DH on the phone, I had a talk with DS and explained that we don't hit people. I tried to get some idea what he's feeling but he's only 3 and probably doesn't really understand how he feels anyway. I've been trying to give him more attention today since I think a lot of the problem is that he's feeling neglected. What else can I do? Should I punish him further for the hitting? Am I raising a little serial killer? Should I take DD to the doc just to make sure no damage has been done? I checked her over and she seems fine and content after her bottle. Could there be some kind of damage I couldn't detect like a cracked rib or something? Feeling so awful that this happened.

OP posts:
Kelly1978 · 19/01/2006 12:47

I really wouldn't make too much of it. If you make a huge fuss of it it is mroe likely that he will do it again for the attention. Please don't feel awful, I should think all siblings do it, it's part of growing up. I know my lot have all had their moments. I find it helps to tellt ehm we don't hit and encourage them to cuddle and help out with baby. Do you let him feed her? Or he can go get the nappy or whatever when changing her. Give him a sense of importance and responsibility and he'll feel happier.

tex111 · 19/01/2006 12:53

Yes, Kelly, he's a great little helper with the baby and seems to take great pride in doing little things like wiping DS's chin or giving her her dummy. I think that's why the hitting shocked me so much. I agree that it's probably not a good idea to make a bigger deal out of it. I thought I might arrange something special for just me and DS to do this weekend which would hopefully help him feel more secure. My only concern is rewarding bad behaviour but do you think a 3 year old would make the connection between the hitting and the extra attention?

OP posts:
stephanie21 · 19/01/2006 12:54

i totally agree with kelly.dont make a big deal out of it.ive got 5 kids and this kind of thing has happened with all of them (apart from the first one obviously!!!).make him feel involved with baby.like kelly said,get him to get things for the baby.tell him 'baby is happy you did that for her'.it'll make him feel more important,like hes the big brother doing things for his sister.

Kelly1978 · 19/01/2006 12:56

no, not at three. Spending some time with him is prob a good idea. I have to try to make time for my eldest, as she gets jealous, even tho she is great with the babies. She lvoes the extra attention, and just takes it for what it is. I don't tell her why, it's jsut soem special time that makes her feel loved.

franke · 19/01/2006 12:57

Totally agree with Kelly. And no he's not a potential serial killer! I think at this age, kids deliberately do what they know to be wrong just to see how it feels, if that makes any sense. Any further punishment will just puzzle him, he'll have long forgotten what he did by now. I think the key is to make him feel involved with the baby and give him some on-to-one time when dd is asleep. I doubt there's any lasting damage to dd, certainly if there was a cracked rib, she'd let you know about it! hth

Pennies · 19/01/2006 13:05

My DD1 (16 months) hit DD2 (5 weeks) on the head with a beaker this morning. It was not a happy moment I can tell you.

tex111 · 19/01/2006 13:08

Thanks so much for all of the reassurance. I thought it would be easier the second time around but there's all of these new problems! Will definitely plan something special this weekend. DS gets lots of one to one time with DH but I'm usually with the baby. So glad I'm not raising a serial killer.

OP posts:
Kelly1978 · 19/01/2006 13:14

nah, I've got he potential serial killer. ds sits on the dts, pushes cushions over their heads, throws things at them. The latest was chucking a high chair at one of them. Luckily they've never been hurt. my ds is also three, but is developmentally delayed and doesn't understand that they might get hurt!

Elibean · 19/01/2006 14:44

I remember seeing my 22 month old neice carefully positioning her thumb over her newborn brother's fontanelle..... but they're the best of friends (mostly) now! Also met a nice woman at the playground whose 2.5 yr old ds had poked a sharp object in new dd's eye...very scary, though luckily all was well. And I don't think any of these are serial killers

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