6 yr old being left out

[lunaticow]

My 6 yr old DS is great friends with a group of 4 boys who often visit each other's houses after school. The mother of 2 of them, twins, repeatedly leaves my DS out and invite the other boys round but not him. I've had the twins at my house to play but it takes the mother about 6 months to invite DS back. In the meantime she is inviting the other friends round constantly and I have to deal with DS upset and tears each time he is left out. These twins are really good friends with DS in school and they keep telling him that he is coming to their house which makes it even harder when he is not invited.

I am fed up with my DS being so upset and left out all the time. How should I deal with it? I think I will encourage friendships with other boys so that DS doesn't feel so reliant on these twins.

Hi

I don't have an answer but am sympathetic. One of my sons has a similar problem with his friendship group. It's the mothers I don't get. How can they be so tactless and, well, cruel?

If you're brave enough you could ask one whether your son has ever done something off putting when visiting her, as he is very aware that he's excluded outside school. I don't have the bottle to do that myself, but have often dreamed of asking.

In the long run I decided I don't care. It's better for them to have friends around often, even if it isn't reciprocated. They do notice that they aren't invited back but they notice even more if we start to tail off with the invites because the other parents are so mean spirited. I took the attitude that all I care about is my sons' happiness, so I'll invite the little weasels over even if their weaselly mothers never get round to returning the compliment.

Hi, when he has been at their house she has said they played very nicely together. However, I do wonder if the twins are telling her tales about things he may or may not have done in school. He is well behaved in school, but who knows what might be said. I might invite them back over and hopefully it might embarrass her into inviting him back. Then again, some people are thick skinned and a bit stupid.....

Whatever her reason for not inviting your son, she is just plain rude. If she is happy enough to send her twins to your home there cannot be any reason why she cannot invite your son back. Encourage other friendships and leave her to wallow in her own rudeness.
I find it easier to have my children's friends at our home because of my children's ages differences, 5 mothers insist on picking and dropping off my child so that I get a break, some people just have kindness oozing from them,others unfortunately do not.

I would go down the route of encouraging other friendships, not suggesting you steer him away from the twins at all but just broaden his circle of friends.

lunaticow (you don't sound at all like your name btw), I can sympathise completely. I get this with my DD. Her best friend's mum hardly ever had DD over, yet we have her DD over constantly. She has plenty of other children over though, just not her DD's best friend, my DD.

It used to really upset me on behalf of DD. But DD herself wasn't that bothered so eventually I got over it. Now DD is 8, she will herself call her friends and politely ask if she can go over to play, which is so much better. Hopefully when your DS is older he can do the same.

In the meantime, try and encourage friendships with other boys with nicer mums.

Hmm see this has got me thinking now. I dislike playdates I just can't relax when other people's kids are around, but obviously ds likes to have people over. I do have a tendancy to invite the same few kids over that I feel comfortable with. Although I try to always reciprocate a playdate.